


Stacking Thoughts

by OnyourRadar



Category: SKAM France
Genre: Alright. here's the actual Angst tag, Angst!, Eliott doesn't commit right away, Eliott gets Jealous, Fluff, Friendship goals, Hand Fetish, Lucas acts like he isn't easy, Multi, Slow build maybe, We know this isn't true, it will happen though
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-05
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-02-26 13:56:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 49,403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18718438
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnyourRadar/pseuds/OnyourRadar
Summary: Lucas knows his body was made for hands to hold. Who is to hold him is a different topic of discussion...Her hands were a gentle breeze that blew and caressed his hair. When his mother dots him with this type of love, her hands make him feel content.Yann's hands...they were safe, a shield from the harsh world outside of his hold. Lucas let himself fold and settle into the hands that protected him." So...you think my hands are sexy, yeah?"Lucas doesn't even think of how he did not look at Eliott's hands...not even once during their interaction...





	1. Loose Grip

Lucas noticed it for the first time when he was 9. He didn't understand it,however, until he turned fourteen. His mother wanted him to channel his rambunctious energy into producing something worthwhile, something… beautiful. Without question of his wants, she signed him up for piano lessons which he began the summer of his last year of elementary school. 

That summer, Lucas missed out on quite a bit with his friends as he holed up in a darkened room with an older man trying to pay his way through college with his music lessons. Of course, Lucas knew none of this, instead he knew Marc to be a kind and gentle teacher with a soothing voice who loved what he was doing. His first couple of lessons, Lucas sat next to Marc on the bench simply watching. He was drawn to the way Marc's fingers spread so far apart. How they reached notes and danced on the keys with ease. Lucas, with childish wonder, would convince his teacher to play a difficult song. When Marc gave in, Lucas had no idea what was played, he barely heard the rush of notes as he focused solely on the older man's fingers. He was captivated by the movement. 

Marc started off slowly. As his lessons advanced Lucas would practice with a focus to be reckoned with. He ran through the cords, practiced his scales and played them well. He was stringing simple compositions together before he knew it. He felt something different when he played. It was not the same awe he felt when Marc played but he watched his own fingers intently and couldn't help but compare.

When he was 11, Marc had plans to move away and had to regretfully inform Lucas that their lessons would be coming to an end. Lucas remember how he was unable to voice his devastation and instead asked Marc if he would play for him again one last time. The taller brunette smiled down at Lucas and complied. Lucas sat next to him on the bench like his first few lessons. When the last note resonated Lucas felt like a dam was about to burst within him. He would never get to see those hands play again he was sure. As if sensing his panic, Marc turned towards Lucas and took a hold of his hands in his own.

Marc ran his thumbs over the top of Lucas's hands and let out a small sigh. "Don't stop these lessons, Lucas. You're very talented and I don't want that talent to go to waste." 

Marc brought his own hands to rest and ruffle up Lucas's hair. Lucas closed his eyes at the comfortable weight on his head. He could imagine those long fingers, see clearly the smooth skin, the lines of his palm, the shapely nails. He had watched them intently for two years, mostly during the summer with odd lessons sprinkled throughout the year. Lucas felt a warmth settle in him at the image in his mind. 

It was quickly gone when Marc stood from the bench. His teacher gathered his belongings into a leather satchel, opened the door to greet his mother and was gone.

That was the last he saw of Marc. His mother found a new teacher two weeks later. 

Now Remmy wasn't Marc and in fact they were very different. Where Marc was soft with his teachings, slow with his movements and clear with his directions, Remmy was everything the opposite. He was nice of course, only about 7 years older than Lucas himself.

He played the piano like it was an extension of his energy. His arms jerked and his fingers clashed roughly with the keys. His movements were a rough crescendo and he often produced a cacophony of sounds. When Remmy was in silly moods his playing led to Lucas's unadulterated laughter. Remmy told Lucas that playing an instrument without experimenting is like making sure it never reaches its full potential. 

Lucas smiled and laughed a lot during his lessons with Remmy. On days he was angry Remmy encouraged him to test his limits on black and ivory. When things were calm for the both of them, Remmy was helping Lucas to perfect Tchaikovsky, _The Season, November_. When he did, Remmy stood behind him, his hands placed gently on his shoulders. Lucas didn't want to tell him he couldn't focus on his own movements, that the weight of his hand was a searing warmth that distracted Lucas but he didn't know why. He feared if he said something Remmy would remove his hands and Lucas did not want that whatever the cost. 

When Lucas would mess up, Remmy unconsciously thrummed his fingers, he would lift one hand and Lucas's eyes would be drawn to the finger that pointed to the sheet music in front of him. He would vaguely note that Remmy asked him to start back at the beginning. And as he played, Lucas could visualize the knuckles of the hands that held his shoulders, he could see the knots of joints on gangly fingers. For some reason, the thoughts made him flush. He stumbled on his chords fingers tangling and he stopped playing.

He gasped when Remmy moved his hands from his shoulders, sliding up his neck and up into his hair on either side of his head. The movement was quick with no intentions but the trip of Remmy's fingers on his skin lasted for what felt like a lifetime to Lucas. The feeling of having both hands tangled in his hair was electrifying and it scared him. His blue eyes widened as Remmy tilted his head back so they locked gazes and Lucas recalls Remmy smiling wildly down at him. 

"Argh!" Remmy shook his head. "We are almost there kid, almost there." 

Remmy spoke with confidence and with each word Remmy emphasized it with a shake of Lucas's head. Lucas almost feels dejected when Remmy untangled his fingers from his wispy, wavy strands. 

The next coming weeks he noticed as Remmy canceled more and more of their scheduled lessons. He doesn't get angry or upset but he is slightly disappointed. Soon the lessons stop altogether. 

The third teacher he has comes when he is 12 and she insisted he call her Mrs. Z. When he shook hands with her the first day they met, Lucas couldn't keep his eyes off her. She was beautiful. She was a frail woman.He felt the softness of her hands, a difference from both Marc's and Remmy's. Her fingers are shorter and nails longer. Her hand, where his other two teachers were larger, is not that much bigger than his. He noticed right away that she has a small beauty mark on the inside of her pointer finger. 

He explained to her where he and Remmy had left off with his completion of Tchaikovsky. They picked up from there. She sat next to him on the bench. Listened with her eyes closed and she gently bit her lips as he played. She could tell when he made a mistake because her head would shake and he would be directed to start again. All without opening her eyes to look at him. Their lessons together were informational but lonely. That changed for Lucas one day when she stood behind him, her arms wrapped around his smaller frame and her hands sliding down his arms. 

He was hyper aware of her movement, as her fingers left a blazing trail in its wake. Her fingertips were so hot he felt as if they would leave small round burn marks of her fingerprint on his wrist where they ended up resting. She lifted his hands by the wrist and dropped them down. 

"Staccato. Just. Like. This." Lucas can't control his breathing as he stares at Mrs. Z’s hands. He felt his ears go red and they remained in such a state until the end of his lesson when he rushed out the door barely whispering a goodbye. 

"...have a wonderful day Lucas…" her soft voice trails after him. He can still hear her voice echoing in his thoughts at times as he thinks of his last piano lesson. He had gone home and asked his mother to cancel all future ones. He told her he wanted to explore the instrument on his own and perhaps they could buy one for the house so he could practice. 

Lucas doesn't listen to his mother's reply, instead he opts to head into his bedroom, lock the door and explore a part of him that he hasn't yet. He is twelve and there is a whole new world that seems to have been awakened by Mrs. Z. 

When he touches himself for the first time he is confused. 

He can't fully visualize Mrs. Z face but he remembers the weight of her behind him. How her delicate hands held him. He feels shame wash over him. 

When he is fourteen Lucas has an epiphany that would lead to years of hiding the truth.

The first summer he doesn’t have lessons, he spends his summer at a camp for all boys. There he meets Yann, Basile,and Arthur. The four of them quickly form a friendship that would go on defying all odds. They slept late and woke early, grumpy and half awake. They told jokes and silly stories and Lucas listened to the other three talk about their awkward run-in with the girls at their school. Lucas shares his own stories about Mrs. Z and he captivates the other three with his encounter with an older woman. 

"You can’t be serious, _dude_. Tell us your secret." Bas whispers into the darkness of their cabin. 

"Secret? What secret? My looks aren't a secret, Bas." Lucas let's out a laugh and avoided the pillow thrown his way. 

All four talk well into the dawn of the next day. Each dropping off to bed like flies one by one. Yann and Lucas were last to go as they whisper quiet stories of their childhood. Lucas sharing about how distant he feels from his mother and how things just don't feel right but he can't pinpoint why. He spent more time learning the inner workings of a piano than learning about who his mother was. Yann listens intently as if he's known Lucas his entire life already. Most nights their conversation tapers off this way. 

On the one day they had a free for all activity the four boys found themselves wandering aimless deeper into the woods away from camp. They end up at a small cliffside with a drop no higher than ten to twelve feet. Yann feels confident that he can climb down it in record time. He wants to make it a competition. Lucas looks down and standing at his 5'4, the drop looks scary but he doesn't back down. Bas and Arthur take the hill down so they can get a better view of the two climbing. 

Yann gets a head start. He is confident in his movement. He knows just where to put his fingers and which little nook is best to place his foot for grip. Lucas looks down and swallows hard. He watches intently as Yann descends. His eyes focused on how Yann's fingers tense as they grip. He sees the strain as his tendons pop and Lucas can imagine the strength that Yann is exerting to get himself down. In that moment Yann looks up and their eyes lock before Yann smiles up at him. 

"It's not a competition if I'm the only one climbing, Lulu." His voice was breathless that day. In that moment.

This jump starts Lucas into his descent. He begins the downward climb and he silently whimpers as the rocks edge bites into his delicate fingertips. He is slow in getting down. He is half way when he hears Bas and Arthur cheering. When he looks he sees his three friends on the ground all waiting for him. He feels a sense of dread. Lucas felt frozen all of a sudden and couldn’t bring himself to move. 

"Come on, Lucas! We're hungry and if you don't make it down here soon we're gonna leave you behind." Arthur calls up to him and Lucas let's out a nervous chuckle. 

"Uh...I think I'm stuck….a _little_ help here?" He hears their giggles and Yann shouts back at him trying to guide him. Lucas does his best to follow his directions. 

When he dangles only two or three from the ground, Yann who stands the tallest of the four of them steps up and grips Lucas by the waist making him gasp in shock. His fingers let go of the rocks suddenly and the both of them tumble to the ground. Yann laughs uncontrollably while Arthur and Bas help the both of them up. 

Lucas grins at them bashfully as he feels his cheeks flush. He looks down at the ground and strays slightly behind the other three as they make their way back to camp. When he looks at his fingers they are red and raw from an activity he was not used to. But his focus is still on one thing. The sensation that lingers underneath his shirt. Yann's hands practically engulfed his tiny waist. He felt the rough and calloused palms that were most likely built up from play all these years. 

Where Yann was simply helping him so he did not hurt himself, Lucas could only focus on the brutalizing strength he felt the black boy exerted when he touched him. Lucas felt conflicted because he didn't hate it. As a matter of fact. He liked it. Too much. 

When they reached the camp, all four headed to the Mess Hall. Gathered their dinner and sat around and joked. Bas did a piss poor job a dodging the food Lucas flung at him when he made a jab about Lucas getting stuck while climbing. 

After dinner they were meant to head out and sit around the campfire, eat s'mores, and tell ghost stories. Lucas excused himself and tells the other three he wants an early night. That he feels tired. 

"Oh fuck off!" He tells Bas and Arthur with a grin as they insist that he is just scared and trying to avoid the ghost stories. 

Before he turns to leave Yann offers to go with him but he waves off the older boy. Insisting he was fine. 

When he gets to his bed he flops down and shoves his face into the pillow. His hands clenched and unclenched in the scratchy sheets by his head. He feels the exhaustion of the day sink into his bone and he feels dense.Silent tears leak from his eyes as he tries to work through his feelings. He doesn't want to like like Yann. The boy isn’t bad looking, handsome many would say but Lucas just made a lifetime friend out of him and he is unwilling to ruin it with a mere crush. 

And since _when_ did he start liking boys? 

He starts to think back to the cliff and what his thoughts were. When Yann helps him down. 

Did he like boys? Mrs. Z wasn’t a boy. 

He recalls his first time touching himself to the thoughts of Mrs. Z. He tried to think if he had any similar feelings for anyone else before she came along; tried to remember what it was about her that elicited any sort of desires in him. 

He gets lost in thoughts of Marc and Remmy, images of them filter like a silent film through his mind. He can think of moments of when he felt confused or flushed, like an unfamiliar feeling crushing him whenever his teachers did something. 

Everything that distracted him. 

When they would play the piano, the fingers greeting the keys with a burning passion. When they would scrawl a little note on the sheet music. Their wrists flicking and their fingers gripping a pen or pencil loosely but securely. When their fingers would linger near their mouths during contemplation. There hands a comforting weight in his hair, on his shoulders, arms, wrists, in front of him, beckoning him, leading him. Tempting him him.

Lucas sat up with as gasp, as if everything made sense suddenly. It never had to do with the fact the Mrs. Z was a woman or that Marc was very good looking, or how Remmy was rambunctious like him or how he thought Yann was easy to talk to. 

Lucas looked down at his hands, his left fingers tracing light patterns on the back of his right one. He was always infatuated. Infatuated with their hands. 

He thought back to Yann gripping him at the waist. The way he felt his sides mold comfortably into the grip made him think his body was made for hands to hold. He blushed at the thought.

Lucas feels a sense of relief and a sense of dread all at the same time. Relief that he wasn't in love with someone who was quickly becoming his best friend and dread because he didn't feel normal.

He wasn't normal. 

And the years to come after this revelation doesn’t lead him to think otherwise. He begins to notice everyone around him. He remembers two days before the last day at camp, sitting with Bas and Arthur, Lucas drowns out a conversation they were having to focus on his melted chocolate. The other two sat with their marshmallow wilting under the heat of the fire, while he was already gulfing down his own creation. 

“Oh fuck! It’s hot...hot!” Arthur yowls in pain as he tries to salvage his dessert catching the blob of falling marshmallow with his bare hands. Lucas’s eyes were drawn to Arthur and how quickly the boy shoved all four fingers into his mouth sucking off the melted sugar that covered him. The dirty blonde lathered his wounded fingers with his tongue trying to sooth the burns. 

Lucas swallows hard at the sight. He watches the fingers disappear and reappear a couple of times and he can feel himself salivate at the thought of being the one to care for Arthur’s wounds. He wants to get his tongue between the appendages and he wants his teeth to catch on the tips of his fingers. He wants to map out each dip and groove. He groans at the thought only to be jostled out of his daydreaming by an elbow to his side. 

“Let’s teach him how to make real s’mores yeah?” Bas grins at Lucas and Lucas is glad that his face is already bathed in a low orange glow from the campfire. Neither of his friends can catch the blush on his cheeks. “What a loser…” Bas laughs at Arthur’s indignation as he gets up to grab more fixings. 

Lucas had to remove himself often from the situations. He had to think, it was never Yann he was after and he wasn’t after Arthur either. Not interested in pursuing a relationship with his friends but instead felt he couldn’t control his wants when faced with the sole thing that seemed to ignite a fire in him...a desire he was grappling with.

The four of them continued their friendship with the other three none the wiser about Lucas’s odd quirk. They kept in touch well after summer camp and hung out year round at any chance they got. 

All the while Lucas continued to discover what he liked and didn’t like. He began observing his mother’s own hands. They were older, wrinkled and wore age like a glove. He didn’t feel desire ignite in him at the sight and was more than glad. He didn’t know how he would handle seeing her hands only to feel a stirring in his lower regions. He was truly relieved that this never happened. 

Instead, when he watched his mother’s hands, often clasped together in a silent prayer, he took in each and every detail. He knows she has a scar that mares the skin on her thumb from an accident she had while washing a glass that broke in her hands. She isn’t a nail biter but he can see her nails are unruly, untrimmed. When or if she made dinner, Lucas would stand watch, as her fingers curled around the handle of a knife. Caught staring once, his mama paused her chopping and ushered him into the kitchen. He sat at the table elbows resting and holding his head up. The palm of his hand covering his mouth to keep himself from blurting out anything ridiculous.

The rare moments of when he sat in silence as his mother quietly moved around him left him with a sense of longing. Occasionally his mother would stop, walk over to him and run her hand through his hair whispering. “...oh my darling boy…” Lucas closed his eyes at the sensation and he felt comfort wash over him. He felt like a child again, like sunshine dripped and oozed from his pores. Her hands were a gentle breeze that blew and caressed his hair. When his mother dots him with this type of love, her hands make him feel content. 

Lucas remembers when he was sixteen, it was the first time he feels true fear and pain. Lucas sat in the living room, legs drawn up in faux comfort, as he heard his mother talking quietly in the kitchen to his father who sat eating breakfast. The quiet murmurings were interrupted by the slamming of a cup. Lucas closes his eyes to the sound. 

“Will you _stop_ your insistent nonsense. For fucks sake, I can’t even enjoy a moment of peace and quiet during breakfast. Christ, you’re getting more unbearable by the day…” 

“We will burn in hell for this dear...to use the Lord’s name in vain like…” The deafening sound of skin meeting skin is followed only by his mother's sharp intake of breath. The reverberating sound paints a picture of his father looming over his mother as her body has spilt over and sprawled out on the floor. He can see the large hand print that has more than likely formed on her pasty white skin. Lucas wonders if his father’s golden ring cut into her face with the force of his slap. Lucas felt fear bubble in the pit of his stomach and his eyes itch from holding back tears.

“...dear god, oh…. heavenly spirit….” 

“Stop! Just stop…” Lucas heard the sound of clothing rustling and his mother crying out again. He jumped up from his seat and rushed into the kitchen. His father had a hard grip on his mother’s hair. His hands looked all wrong. Veins popped up showing the anger that flowed through his body. His fingers tangled in the light blonde strands in a way that made Lucas’s mouth run dry in disgust. 

“Let her go!” He heard himself scream and he runs to push his father out of the way.  
“Can’t you see she is unwell!”

“Stay of out this Lucas!” He hears his father growl at him but the older man releases her and takes a step back regardless. 

“Fuck you! SHE can’t control what is happening, but you can!” Lucas see’s it before he feels it. The large knuckles swing straight for his face. His blue eyes trace the outline of his father’s fingers. He thought, in retrospect, how funny he never realized how his father’s middle and ring finger were shorter than the rest. How perfectly manicured his nails looked and when his fingers stood ram-rod straight the skin wrinkled up. 

He didn’t realize how hard he was hit until he fell back only to smack his head off the tiled floor of the kitchen. And like a perfect symphony that day, his mother’s loud gasp tore from her lips to accompany his pain. She cried out crawled over and dragged him into her lap. He could hear her distant prayers as the ringing in his ears slowly ebbed away. 

Two days after the incident his father admitted his mother to an institution. Lucas remembers standing by helplessly as his mother is escorted out of the house and with the slam of the door he is left standing alone in the presence of his father. 

When he heard the clearing of a throat Lucas looks up, his face blank. He sees the man in front, watches him eyeing the clear bruise that formed on his cheek. He wanted to convince himself that he saw regret bleeding into the gaze. 

“I did what was best…” his father bends and picks up the briefcase at his foot and Lucas watches how his thick fingers curl on the handle gripping it tightly, firmly. He imagines that’s how his father deals with clients. He shows them a firm hand but a kind grip that doesn’t break. Lucas feels disgust wash over him as he felt a want for his father to show the same hand he shows to outsiders. He wished for something that would be impossible. His father saves that side for everyone but them and in the shelter of his house he deals out the anger unrelentingly and without holding back. 

He hated his father’s hands. He didn’t stop him from leaving for work, mere minutes after his wife was escorted away. There was no love in this man and there was never any love in his touch. Lucas can’t remember ever feeling it even as a child. 

“I’ll be gone for a couple of days. On a business trip… I’ve left some money for food and necessities on the counter.” He doesn’t say more than this and he doesn’t wait for a reply as he walks out. 

Lucas doesn’t remember how long he stood staring at the door. He waited until it was safe and collapsed in on himself. He lost his control that day, the floodgates opened and his tears poured out uncontrollably. He felt an indistinct haze fall over him like a veil. He runs his hands through his own hair gripping and tugging hard at the strands feeling lost. White hot anger rushes through him and he slams his closed fist on the floor he stands and swiped at everything in his line of vision. He hears the clash of cups and a flower vase that has sat empty on the kitchen table for months. The sounds narrate the crumbling of his walls and he feels vulnerable.

He cries out until his screams are distorted and rough and his voice has dissipated into nothing. His sniffles the only sound around to offer a small touch of comfort as he sits surrounded by what felt like his life in ruins. Lucas brushes his tears away. He slouches against the table devoid of energy. He made a decision that day. 

Quickly gathering what clothing he could fit into a small duffle bag, Lucas grabbed the money left on the counter. 

3000 dollars and a credit card. He doesn't think his father was planning to be back for a while. For a long time. The first thing he did was buy tickets and hopped on the first bus that took him far across town towards the deeper parts of downtown where he knew Yann lived. 

When he got close he texted his friend, making sure the other boy was home. Of course when he shows up he is too nervous to knock. Lucas stands outside trying to make a decision and as he was about to, the door swings open. 

Yann stands at the door and they both stare at each other. Lucas with his eyes wide and uncertain, fist still held in mid air. Yann's eyes linger on the bruise that colors half his face. Concern bleeds into anger when he realizes his friend had been crying. Someone had hurt him. 

He didn't hesitate another second before dragging Lucas into a crushing hug. He runs his hand up and down the smaller boys back and when Lucas's shoulders started to shake and his white shirt got wet neither one commented on it.

It didn't take long for the two to find their way into Yann's bedroom but it wasn't until Yann had dozed off at 2 in the morning that Lucas started to speak up. His voice quiet but loud enough to stir his friend from sleep. It was in the darkness of the room with the crippling silence that Lucas broke and told him everything. Everything. 

Without judgement Yann listened closely. When he heard his friends chortled voice break off into a sob he pulled him into a hug and laid them both down to snuggle. It wasn't until the sun started to peek through that Lucas finishes and Yann breaks his silence.

" So...you think my hands are sexy, yeah?"

They both snort with laughter as Lucas elbows Yann hard in the stomach. "Asshole…" Yann giggles through the pain but says nothing more. It was all Lucas needed. In that moment he felt free and protected as he was wrapped in a warm embrace that lacked judgement of any kind. Yann’s hands...they were safe, a shield from the harsh world outside of his hold. Lucas let himself fold and settle into the hands that protected him.

They both fell asleep not long after. 

It kept up this way for a while. Sometimes they would invite Bas and Arthur over and the four would play games. Lucas would go home only when necessary. Of course he had to attend school but he refused to sleep in an empty house. He kept up this way for the next two years. Only ever catching glimpses of his father but never speaking to the man. He saved the ludicrous amount of money the man left him. Spending only what he needed. Which wasn’t a lot. He was a small boy who didn’t eat much and most of the time he took what he needed from Yann, who got angry if he didn’t accept what was offered. 

He found out where his mother was staying and visited as regularly as he could. He felt drawn out devastation every time he visited but refused to give up on her.

When she looked at him, tears welled in her eyes and she would cup his cheeks with her hands. They were cold. Colder than he had ever felt them. "Let the Lord heal the wounds that you carry with you… he is your salvation." 

Lucas would never answer those statements but he would bend and kiss her goodbye until the next time. 

Sometimes Yann would come with him on the visits. On good days she would engage in conversation, listen to their plans. The four boys wanted to apply to the same university, they wanted to continue their adventures together.

Most days it was more of a struggle. They would sit in silence. It was all Lucas could do. But he knew it was enough. It had to be.

The summer before Lucas turned 18, he received his acceptance letter. Basile and Arthur were quick to jump into a group chat snapping a quick picture of their own letters captioned: 

**_See you pussies there!!!!!_**

Lucas couldn’t wait.


	2. Hold Me Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Link arms and kiss she says. This will be fun she says. 
> 
> "The party is great, Daphne, you know you've got the whole house making out on your living room couch, right?"

“The biggest party of the semester, girls and I scored us invites! No need to thank me,” Basile sat down placing his tray of food in front of him. He pumps his fist in the air excitedly ignoring the bemused stares of his friends.

“You mean Daphne’s bash this Saturday right? He means that one doesn’t he Arthur?” Lucas looks quizzically at his blonde friend who plays along. 

“Wait is it the one where anybody who is anybody is going to be there? That one, right Yann?” 

Yann shoots a shit eating grin in Bas’s direction as he sees him visibly deflate. He offers no condolences as he hammers the nails into the coffin. 

“Right, the one she invited us to ‘bout….I dunno, three days ago? Yeah. That one.” 

“Oh you’ve got to be shitting me. How did you guys know about this before me?” The other three laugh at his expense, shrugging because honestly they really weren’t sure how they knew. Usually it was Basile who would run interference with the blonde girl. 

“Relax, Bas. Did she ask you to bring anything?”

“AS a matter of fact Lulu, she did. She was wondering if we can score some drinks for the party. And I said yes without thinking through how we were going to do that of course. But I’m sure you all have some brilliant idea…” Looking unabashed, Bas dug into his food. Yann shakes his head at the other boy. They would find a way to make it work. They always did. 

“I don’t know if I want to g--”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence Lucas. You are going to pretty up that ass of yours and you will come with us, and wing-man the shit out of Arthur so he can score a beautiful well- to- do girl.”

Lucas cocks an eyebrow as Yann snorts his milk harshly.

“What the hell is that supposed to mean? I don’t need Lucas to be my wingman. No offence Lucas.” Arthur continues to berate Basile as Lucas huffs out a breath and brushes his friend off, taking little offence at what was said. 

He really didn’t want to go. Not that he wasn’t interested in the loud music and sloppy drunk girl scenes where anybody and everybody would be hooking up, but he had a paper due the following Monday that he needed to finish. Especially since he had yet to start. 

He feels a nudge at his side and he turns to look at Yann. 

“You really don’t want to go?” 

Lucas lets out a desperate sigh. “Of course I want to go but I have that paper I need to start on...”

“Start on? You mean you haven’t started?!”

“Stop yelling at me Yannnnn” Lucas can’t contain his smirk and he turns to face his friend. “I know, I’ll go but you have to promise you’ll help me with this on Sunday. Okay deal.” Lucas wraps up the conversation leaving Yann sputtering. He quickly grabs his things and moves to leave the table. 

“See you later!” Lucas holds up a single hand salute before making a mad dash for the door. He is almost late for biology. He would rather not face the wrath of his partner, Imane for missing even a minute of class time. 

Lucas thinks back at at how the last couple of months played out. School was going great. The four of them decided to room share to save money. When he had a chance to tell his father he was off to college, the man simply nodded and told him he would open an account to which he would funnel money so he could focus on his studies. Lucas didn’t complain. But he didn’t use the money. 

He never touched it. But he knew it was there if he needed it. Instead, he spent most of his free time when not doing work or hanging out with his boys, working at The Jumping Bean Cafe, a couple of blocks from campus. He made his own money and he supported himself. 

Between work and class he still found time to visit his mother. They would text each other occasionally, he liked the way his relationship with her developed. 

Basile and Arthur knew about his mother but not the extent of things. They were supportive and quick to offer their help when the time came. Lucas wasn’t sure what he did to deserve his friends. 

“Hey...we’re all in it for the good and the bad am I right?” It was Arthur who broke the silence after Lucas explained his situation to the other two before they committed to moving in together. Bas clasped Lucas on the shoulders. 

“Truth my friend. Truth.” 

That was all that needed to be said. The topic was only ever brought up in passing, after visits Bas would ask how she was doing or before he left Arthur would tell Lucas to send his regards.  
He wanted his friends to meet her. 

It felt as if he had an army supporting him. So if his friends wanted to party and wanted him there right beside them, Lucas would make it happen. 

When he reaches class he quickly finds his seat. Imane takes a moment to lift her eyes away from her notes before going back to them as if he hadn’t just arrived. He settles quickly and looks over her shoulders to figure out where they are supposed to be. 

They work with silent content, only the sound of scribbling of pencils between them. When Lucas looks over he notices how Imane grips her pencil. Her fingertips glow white from the force and her lead lifts from the page in short rapid-fire shots. She is right handed and when she flips her pencil to erase a mistake he notices the small calloused bump on her middle finger that shows the exact position her pencil or pens rested on when she wrote. Oddly a bandaid circles her thumb. A small emoji face stares back at him. 

She lets out a sigh. 

“Whatever it is Lucas, just ask.” Lucas startles out of his staring. 

“What?”

“You’ve been staring for the past five minutes and you’ve stopped writing.” Imane looks at him pointedly.

Lucas looks away a blush coloring his face. “I...I just n-n..” He clears his throat. “What happened to your finger?” _Your hands are very beautiful_. He wants to tell her but he chickens out at the last moment. 

She stares at him incredulously.

“Oh hey, are you going to Daphne’s this Saturday?” He hopes the change of topic was smooth but he doubts it considering the dubious look she send his way. But Imane lets it slide.

She picks her pencil back up and for a second, Lucas doesn’t think she’ll answer. But her soft voice picks up again not a minute later. 

“She’d kill me in cold blood if I didn’t make an appearance.” She shrugs her shoulders. It’s clear she doesn’t want to go. Lucas nods his head in understanding. Because he gets it. 

“So does this mean Idriss is coming as well? Do you think he could you know...score us some drinks?” Imane rolls her eyes. 

“That you’ll have to ask him. I don’t even know if he is coming.” 

He is coming. Lucas is sure of it. If Daphne knew what she was doing, and the girl always knew what she was doing then she already invited the right people. 

“I can give you the money to give to him if you could do the honor of asking him for me??” Lucas shoots her an award winning smile and a pleading look that begged her to give in. 

Her eyes flicker over his face a couple of times before she breaks out into a smile and rolls her eyes. “Fine but I’m not taking your money yet. If he says yes then you can give it to him directly and let him know what you want. I’m no middle man, Lucas Lallement. And I don’t plan on being one anytime soon.”

He grins at her and nods before going back to work but not before shooting a message to the other three about their potential supplier. As expected Bas was the first to get back to him. 

_**Knew you would pull through!! ;)** _

 

Lucas closes his phone and focuses on his work. 

______

Imane texts him Saturday morning to confirm Idriss didn’t mind providing the booze so long as the boys didn’t mind coughing up the money. He would be willing to meet where Lucas works to pick up the money. 

Between the four they come up with the cash to buy enough booze to kill an elephant three times over. 

" Do we want beer or liquor?" Basile asks over Arthur's steady and rhythmic counting. 

Lucas cocks his head and inhales sharply. "Beer is cheaper but liquor...is messier. Let's go with messy?" The other two nod in agreeance. Problem solved. 

"Alright, total of 315 dollars. Should get us enough. Daphne might even bestow a kiss on those virgin cheeks of yours when she sees what we bring, Bas!" 

Arthur is too busy laughing to dodge the slap to the back of his head. Lucas takes the wad of cash and sets off. He has a shift to cover before heading over to Daphne's. If he didn't leave soon he would be late and he didn't want to miss Idriss. 

He walks briskly in the afternoon sunlight.It's a quick walk and before he knows it he's arrived.

Lucas clocks in and gets to work. He doesn't mind the Saturday afternoon shift. Usually it was a steady flow of customers but never too busy. Everyone was almost always out and about and would never choose to linger for too long. 

He was busy drying mugs when he hears the bell ding, about to turn to greet the customer but they beat him to it. 

"Lucas, my dear." Idriss voice rings out in a deep tenor. Lucas turns with a smile greeting the third year warmly. "How are you doing?" 

Idriss reaches over the counter and grips Lucas's face with his hands, pulling him towards him and planting a kiss on either of his cheeks. 

They've had a couple of run ins before as he had gone to Imane's to complete a project or presentation rather, early on in the semester. Though they've never talked outside of that setting, neither one ignored each others presence when they ran into one another, choosing to give a nod of acknowledgment or a wave of the hand.

"Idriss, nice to see you. Thanks for stopping by." Lucas tries to hide the blush when Idriss let's go of his face. 

The man had very large hands, his palms easily devoured Lucas's cheeks. 

"When my Imane asks for a favor, who am I to deny her. It helps that it's for you, am I right?" Idriss reaches and pinches at Lucas's cheeks. 

Without saying another word for fear of choking out something embarrassing, Lucas hands over the money. 

"So what are you thinking? And where should I drop it off?" 

"Oh, uh...we were thinking liquor would be nice" Lucas shrugs his shoulders. "I like vodka, but I'll drink anything." He smiles at the older dark skinned boy in front of him. "Oh! And you can just drop it off at my apartment, the boys will be there." 

"Understood. You guys sure know how to party." Idriss walks away throwing a hand in the air as his parting. "I'll see you there Lucas."

When he sees the door close Lucas turns and clutched at his chest, heart pounding. He would have to be a blind man to not notice how handsome Idriss is. His heart tried to jump outside his chest when he felt the large hands fold in on his cheeks, a steady pressure that left him feeling like he would pop. 

Clearing his throat, Lucas steps away from the counter. He gets back to work making sure straws are fully stocked, machines are pristine clean and pastry shelves are arranged to look inviting.He gets lost in cleaning, making drinks, and the small talk of the occasional customer. He glances at the clock. Three more hours before his shift was over. He finds side work to keep busy and the time off his mind. When he gets a couple of customers walking in Lucas turns on the charm to solicit more tips. He is usually successful. Before he knows it his shift wraps up nicely. He clocks out and cashes in his portion of the tip. 

When he gets home he is surprised by what awaits him.

Arthur lays comfortably behind the boxes that have situated itself in their living room while Basile takes a slew of photos and uploads it to his instagram account. 

"Lucas, welcome back man! Just in time too," Yann gestures towards the boxes "we can take half of this to the party and we still won't finish everything." 

Tequila, rum, gin, vodka… Idriss got a little bit of everything. Handles of the cheapest liquor stacked neatly in the boxes. They were going to murder their livers tonight.

"I'm going to wash up and then we can head out?" 

The three are too busy making silly faces and taking selfies to answer him. Lucas shakes his head at their antics and moves to get himself cleaned up. 

______

By 9 the four of them have settled somewhere along the lines of outside the kitchen but not really in the living room. From his perch between Arthur and Yann, Lucas leans against the wall hidden from view. Sometimes it benefited from being shorter than most.

Music plays in the background as those around him engaged in drunken conversation. Lucas, who hasn’t had more than one beer, set his clear gaze on the scene that plays out before him. People he’s seen in passing, some he’s doesn’t even recognize and he is sure there is a handful that don’t even attend the same university--all of them settle themselves into the atmosphere of the party. 

Conversations, dancing, and raucous laughter fill his ear and line of sight. It isn’t until the girls come out of the kitchen carrying platters filled with little plastic shot glasses that Lucas brings his attention back. 

“Shot!shots!Shots!” Daphne’s shout garners the attention wanted and almost everyone grabs a shot as the girls make their rounds. “Let’s make this interesting! Find someone and link arms, kiss and drink!” 

She quickly demonstrates by grabbing her own while making eyes at Emma a huge grin on her face to which the other rolled her eyes but played along. Emma grabs her own shot, steps up to Daphne and the girls link arms like a bride and groom would on their wedding day. Before they down their shots, both quickly go in for a kiss of the lips igniting loud cheers from those around them. They laugh along to the sounds of catcalls and whistles before knocking back their drinks, still linked at the arm. 

"Just to spice things up a bit!" Daphne looks around and is please to find that almost everyone has linked arms and have gone in for a kiss. "Ok, well...we'll be back in a couple minutes for our next round." She looks over at Emma and feels success run through her veins, her excitement is visible.

Lucas happens to link arms with Basile who leans in eagerly to kiss Lucas's cheeks. Taking it in stride Lucas does the same before they both take their shot. The first goes down easy, but he makes a face. He hates gin. 

Bas, throws his arm around Arthur and he leans the both of them closer to Lucas and Yann. "I'm linking arms with Daphne, the moment I get a chance, boys. It'll be perfect just you watch. She'll fall in love with me just from one kiss." 

"One kiss? Really??"

Bas nods confidently. 

“So your kissing skills will win her over?”Arthur questions, sound very much skeptical. 

“Well that and…” Bas runs his hand down the length of his body. “I’ve got a lot to offer you know!”

“That you do Bas, that you do” Yann throws in. He nods seriously but Lucas can see the mirth in his eyes and the way his lips twitched as he held back a smile. 

"With the way your selling it Bas, I'm half the mind to test out you kissing skills if you are as good as you say" Arthur waggled his eyebrows at the other boy.

"No. Absolutely not. This is only for my girl. And what do you think she will say when she sees me kissing a dude? She needs to know I am 100% heterosexual." Bas shakes his head. "No." He says again. Lucas is not sure if Basile was trying to convince Arthur at this point or himself. 

Before they get a chance to continue Alexia comes around with their second shot and they are quick to grab. 

“Don’t get to fucked boys! There’s more coming your way!” Alexia looks at them only to roll her eyes, understanding the reason for their lack of response.

The three are too busy staring and laughing at the disaster that is Basile trying to get Daphne to link arms with him. 

The closest he gets is having the blonde swat at him nearly spilling his shot in the process. Basile being who he is and more, doesn’t give up and instead bumps his elbows with her before blowing her a kiss that cuts the air then downing his shot like a pro. 

Lucas holds his stomach in laughter. 

“Dude, I can’t believe him…” 

“I can.” Arthur holds his shot in the air in front of the other two. “Cheers.” He downs it in a quick gulp and Yann follows. 

Lucas wipes the tear from his eyes and holds up his own drink. He’s about to toss it back but stops.

That’s when he sees him. Across the room directly in his line of sight, Lucas feels he just laid eyes on his every desire personified. 

Lucas sees a beautiful pair of lips pulled back in a life giving smile first and whatever laughter he had in him is wiped from his memory. He forgets to breathe at the sight. A smile that, Lucas is sure, would lie to him and tell him everything is okay. 

He doesn’t want to think what would happen if he were to be on the receiving end of that smile. He is sure he wouldn’t make it out alive. 

His blue eyes flicker over the other boys face. He had a striking jawline that Lucas wants to trace with his lips, perfect eyebrows that fram deep blue eyes that currently, was trained on someone standing to his right. Lucas wants to jump up and scream “Look at me!” but he isn’t drunk yet.

Lucas sees nights spent on a bed with their limbs tangled and noses touching. He can feel the individual strands of hair dancing as he runs his fingers through the naturally messy hair. He can hear the echoes of conversations yet to be had, their voices bouncing off one another as they share their deepest darkest secrets. 

As they talk about the future and how a version of it no longer existed without the other one present. 

It all seems too real until the other boy turns his head and locks eyes with Lucas. It’s a stare that jolts him into action and he looks away hoping he wasn’t caught staring. He takes his second shot. Vodka, much better. Before he can stop himself he grabs another from the platter as Emma walks past. 

Yann looks at him with a bit of concern. 

“Dude your face is red. You good?”

Lucas looks up at him and shakes his head. “Yeah, why wouldn’t I be?” Not letting Yann speak Lucas links arms with him and instead of kissing him he leans up and drops a light kiss on the older boys knuckles then takes his shot. 

“Alright, if you say so.” Yann leaves a kiss on Lucas’s forehead and Lucas smiles. When he looks back, the other boy has locked lips with a shorter, brunette. 

Feeling his stomach drop, Lucas thinks he needs another shot. He is not too far gone to know this is a bad idea. He thinks, at the moment, a bad idea is just what he needs.

 

He grabs for another round. He hears his boys in the background cheering him on. 

Before he can link arms with Arthur he feels a gentle tug on his elbow. He turns and looks up and is surprised to see an unfamiliar face in front of him. 

He doesn’t get to say anything before the girl links arms with him and leans in to give him a kiss. when he feels a persistent tongue lap at his lips he gasps and the tongue quickly takes advantage of his shock. He pulls away roughly and takes his shot. Four shots in and it hasn’t been half an hour. He starts to feel it slightly.

“Chloe” She holds out a hand to shake and Lucas hesitates for a second before taking it. He feels the light weight settle in his palm. It's not delicate. Her hands are super soft and he wonders if she baths in lotion. Her fingers wrap around his in a shake that is weak. The word dainty nearly spills from his lips but he holds back. It's not an appropriate comment.  
“I’ve been watching you and your friends. You guys are so cute.”

 

“Lucas.” He doesn’t say more but instead lets his eyes wander behind her and is surprised to see his mystery boy staring directly at the two of them. 

“Who is your friend Lulu?” 

Chloe giggles, her hand coming up to try and cover it. “Lulu?”

Lucas tears his eyes away. He turns to look at Yann pointedly and turns back to Chloe. 

“Yeah, only my friends call me that.” He doesn’t know why but he wants that to be a clear line that she knows not to cross. For a second she looks hurt and Lucas clears his throat. “Yann this is Chloe. We just met.” 

“Oh we know, we” Yann gestures to Bas and Arthur who both gave him bright knowing smiles “just saw the two of you meet…” Lucas pushes at the black boy and rolls his eyes. 

“Don’t you guys think this is just great? Such a fun way to meet new people.”

Arthur steps forward, his hands resting nicely on Yann's shoulders. " I agree, it is such an awesome way to meet others" he holds out his hand," you can call me Arthur."

"Call you…. What else would she call you? That's your name right?" Bas looks baffled at Arthur's introduction. 

Chloe giggles at how quickly their conversation spiral into an argument.

"You'll have to forgive them, they are like an old married couple," Yann mumbles.

"I think it's wonderful, you are all so comfortable with each other and---ah! I love this song !" Her attention is short and she turns to Lucas. "Will you come dance with me?" She doesn't wait for a reply before pulling him to the center of the living where other bodies were already breaking down to the beat. He turns to Yann and mouths 'HELP' to which the other boy shrugs. 

When he turns back around Chloe throws her arm around his neck and is standing uncomfortably close. She smiles at him and moves her body to the music. 

Not much if a dancer, Lucas knows he needs another couple of shots before he can comfortably make a fool of himself. 

Lucas sees Yann creeping up behind Chloe and his mind comes up with a plan. He let's go of her waist and grabs another two shot glasses. One for him and one for Chloe. He shouts a quick thanks to Emma, once again who winks at him. 

"Let's make things fun, yeah?"

"And, what do you have in mind?" 

"On the count of three we link both turn and link arms with the person behind us, no matter who it is." Chloe nods excitedly. 

"Okay, I'm in!" They both count down together. 

On three Chloe turns around. To her surprise Yann quickly links arms with her. 

Lucas has every intention of turning and running. 

He doesn't get very far. In fact he barely moves before he finds himself linked again. 

"Hello." The voice is light but loud enough to hear over the music. 

Lucas nods his head because he is sure his voice has stopped working. Standing in front of him, strong sturdy arm locked with his, was his boy. Someone he has only just laid eyes on for the first time earlier in the night. 

"I'm Eliott." 

_Eliott_. Eliott. The boy who stole away his breath was named Eliott. Lucas clears his throat because at this point he is not sure how long he has been staring. 

"L-Lucas. I think we're supposed to kiss now." 

_For fucks sake_... let the walls close in and crush him. Let the floor open up and swallow him whole. If possible he would gladly spontaneously combust if it meant he could take back the words that just came out of his mouth. 

To his embarrassment, Eliott laughs and Lucas thinks he wouldn't mind going deaf now that he has heard the laughter of an angel. 

"I usually wait until the third date before kissing but okay, I can make an exception." 

Liar, you were just locking lips with that other brunette girl earlier.

"Guess this makes me special?" 

_What. The. Fuck. Am. I. Saying._

Eliott shakes his head, a smile stretches his lips. "Mm…" He doesn't give Lucas a chance to continue their banter. 

When he sees him bending down, Lucas sees it in slow motion. He holds his breath and his lips part slightly. He braces for the impact like one does for an incoming car crash. 

And he is right to do so. Those lips on his, because that is what it was---just lips on lip--- leave him feeling wrecked. His eyes flutter close and as soon as it happens it’s over. He feels a part of him cling to Eliott as the boy pulls away, smile dancing on his lips, and he is too far gone to ask for it back. Eliott knocks back his drink and unlocks his arm. 

“I guess it does.” Lucas looks at him confused. 

Eliott reaches up to pull a joint out from behind his ear with one hand while the other reaches and fixes a strand of Lucas hair. Casually. Like the action was completely normal. Like they’ve known each other for years.

Like he wasn't making Lucas fall for him over and over again with every movement he made. 

"Special, I mean.” That smile is back on his face. Lucas drinks in his laughter lines. “You’re something special Lucas Lallemant, I guess I’ll see you around…" 

Lucas blinks back to existence. He brings his fingers to trace his lips not sure what just happened. They tingle under the light pressure. 

_**Eliott.**_ The boy has disappeared into the crowd and Lucas doesn’t have the courage to go after him. He shakes his head to clear it and drinks his shot. 

He gags at the taste. Gin again. Just his luck. 

He heads to the kitchen and finds Daphne pouring more shots with Emma casually sitting on the counter, legs swinging. Empty liquor bottles line the counter. 

"Lucas!!" Daphne greets, "having fun?" 

"The party is great, Daphne, you know you've got the whole house making out on your living room couch, right?" He looks over at Emma and asks is she's willing to make him a fruity concoction. 

"Sure but it'll cost you." She sets to mixing. "Spill it. Who was that boy you were making out with out there?" 

Lucas can't control the flush of his cheeks. 

"I-I don't really know." 

"Well he was hot. Did he give you a name? We saw you talking to each other."

"Emma! Don't say it like that! Sounds like we were spying!.." Daphne smacks her friend on the arm before smiling back at Lucas. 

"What? We were." Emma shrugs her shoulders and Lucas can't help but chuckle at her callousness. 

"Uh...he said his name was Eliott." Lucas rubs at his neck out of nervousness.

"Wait. Eliott? Eliott Demaury? 3rd year Eliott?" Daphne stops pouring shots and rushes over to where Lucas sat on the counter, her eyes wide. Her arms flailing around just a bit before she grabs his hands in a loose grasp. 

It takes his whole being to focus on the other two in the room and not the fact that Daphne’s hands were touching. 

"Daphne, I don't know any Eliott's. I just know that's how he introduced himself." 

"Tall, dark messy hair, fuck me eyes and a killer smile. Sound right to you?" Lucas nodded.

"Hm."

"Oh, no no no. Stay away from him Lulu. He's not boyfriend material."

"Is that how we are judging them now, Daphne? Whether or not a boy makes a good boyfriend? What is Lucas just wants to fuck?” Emma cocks an eyebrow and hands Lucas his drink.

Lucas clears his throat trying to ignore the heat on his face, took his drink graciously.

"What I mean is he likes to play around. A LOT," She glares at Emma. " I know his girlfriend--" 

"He has a girlfriend?" 

"O-okay not his girlfriend. But someone who he fucks around with...she tells me all the time how he is really only interested in getting laid. The poor girl is madly in love with him and he just strings her along." 

"Well it's her fault."

"Emma!?"

"What? Stop shouting at me like I'm wrong. She fucking knows how he is and still hangs around expecting more from him than he is going to give." Emma throws her hand up in exasperation at the glare she receives from Daphne. 

"All I'm saying is he is allowed to do as he pleases and if she knows what he's like then she should be on her merry way.”

Daphne shakes her head and turns back to look at Lucas. 

"Just...be careful. If you're looking for something solid with this guy you’re not going to find it."

Lucas looks from Emma to Daphne then back again. 

"Okay, chill. We kissed once. Because of this thing you have going on. It's nothing more than that." Daphne doesn't say anything and instead pats his cheeks gently before going back to pouring shots. 

He feels an oppressive silence settle and decides to down his drink. 

"Woah buddy, slow it down, there's a lot of alcohol in that, there. Special Emma's Concoction. " 

He salutes her with his cup and continues to pound it down. When the cup is empty he slams it on the counter and hops off. He steadies himself for a second and smiles at the girls. 

"I came here for one thing and that was to get shit-faced." 

Before he leaves the kitchen, Lucas grabs another two shots drinks it and waves bye to the girls. He finds himself facing a room full of people with blurred faces and music assaulting his ears. He quickly finds Bas and Arthur and notices Yann in the corner in deep conversation with Chloe. 

"Let's dance boyyys…"

"Oh shit, Lucas is drunk." Arthur smiles wryly at the shorter brunette, letting him drag him to dance amongst the other bodies. Bas joins them, arms flailing in the air to an invisible beat. 

"Who cares! I love when he gets like this."

Lucas doesn't think of anything for the rest of the night. He doesn't think of those striking eyes, or petal soft lips, he doesn't think of messy bed hair. Lucas doesn't even think of how he did not look at Eliott's hands...not even once during their interaction, or how he never gave his last name. 

Instead when the next round of shots come Lucas tries to find a new person to link arms with. 

"IDRISS---come here…"


	3. Trace My vital Signs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It feels strange for him as he sits there, watching the other walk away like it was nothing. He is completely composed while Lucas is left to count his steps. Left to memorize the contours of his back. 
> 
> Euphoria and complete emptiness. 
> 
> Lucas thinks he might have started a game he wouldn’t be able to finish.

“...Can someone please turn off the lights?”

“They are off.”

“Close the curtains?”

“They are closed.”

“Kill the sun?” 

“No Lucas ,we will not kill the sun.”

“This is not fair…” 

“It’s your fault for drinking so much last night. Emma tells me you drank one of her own specialties in like two minutes. You deserve every bit of the pain you feel.”

“Don’t lecture me. Your voice is hurting my eyes.”

The other boy snorts. Lucas can’t help but join him and lets out his own chuckle. 

The Sunday morning sun was brutal when it woke him. He found himself sprawled out on the couch a large blanket draped over him. He still had on his sneakers and the clothing from the night before. 

He wasn’t sure if he threw up but his mouth is dry and his tongue sticks to the roof of his mouth. 

At the moment Yann sat next to him, controller in his hands and Lucas curled up in a little ball leaning on his friend. A game played out in silence on their TV so as to not wake the other two who were still fast asleep on the living room floor. 

The scene looked like a sleepover gone wild featuring four young men. 

“I don’t remember much.” 

“You made out with like half the people there.”

 _“I did not!”_

“Okay… you kissed everyone’s hands instead.” 

Lucas groans and hides his face. 

“Fuck, why would I do that. Shoot me, kill me, just murder me before the day is over. I’ll never live this down.” Lucas groans dramatically.

“Oh stop it. They all thought it was endearing. Some people even sought you out after...And it’s not like you sucked on their fingers or anything.” Yann smirks at the other boy. 

“Mm, he sucked on mine.” Arthur chirps in, his voice heavy with sleep. He cracks open one eye to look at the other two, a big yawn breaks out. “For like 2 minutes too.”

“...I stand corrected my friend. Everyone thought you were a little freak...the good kind.” 

Lucas looks at his friends mortified. 

“You guys let me do that!?” He feels betrayal bubble up inside of him. When he hears Basile snort from his place faced down on the carpet, Lucas launches a pillow at him. 

“And what are you laughing at. Should I remind you about the disaster that was you trying to get Daphne to fall in love after one kiss.” Lucas squawks indignantly at the other boy who slowly pushes himself up onto his elbow. Sleep heavy on his face.

“Well that’s where you’re wrong. I did end up kissing Daphne last night.”

“You didn’t!”

“I did.”

Lucas looks at the other two boys who nod to confirm the story. What did he miss? 

“Granted Lulu, you also missed her slapping him silly. I wouldn’t say it was love.”

“Of course it was love! After I kissed her, the desire that coursed through her veins had no other outlet and she didn’t know what to do with herself but to get her hands on me one last time before I left. Hence the slap.” Basile sighs dreamily at the other three. He ignores how Yann has opted to turn his head and laugh, causing his character in the game to die prematurely. 

“You mean she’s too dumb to know that she can go in for another kiss instead?” Arthur says, his voice full of amusement. 

Bas shakes his head. “No, but in hindsight, maybe I should have taken a page out of Lucas’s book and just kiss her hand.” 

The other three laugh. Lucas huffs and falls back on the couch. He looks over at Yann who is smiling at him.

“Relax,” he whispers. “No one thought anything of it. But you should have seen Imane’s face when you went over to Idriss. Now that, was priceless.” 

Lucas lets a small smile grace his lips. 

“Who’s up for some brunch! Let’s get some greasy food in us to get rid of these hangovers!” Basile lets out a war cry that hurts Lucas’s head. 

There was a flurry of movement that makes Lucas’s world spin. He finds himself in front of the bathroom mirror brushing his teeth. 

“Boys!” He shouts through a mouthful of toothpaste. “Did I throw up?” It is Arthur who answers from somewhere in the apartment. 

“No, but you passed out and we carried your ass back home. You’re paying for brunch.” 

“What! No way!” 

“Yes you are Lucas!” Basile calls out. 

“Only fair, dude. You know how heavy you are?” Yann responds from the kitchen. 

“You to Yann?!” 

It was a losing battle that he was fighting. Instead he enters his room and pulls on a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt before heading out. He wants to feel like he looks put together even if he doesn’t feel it. 

“Let’s hit up Buzzbrew, yeah?” Basile throws out the option with no expectations. 

“Mm.” Lucas utters noncommittally. He doesn’t much care where they go. Buzzbrew is a nice little diner that is open 24/7 and located only two blocks away. It’s cheap and convenient with decent food and more than just decent coffee. 

The wait is not long at noon on a Sunday and they find themselves seated in record time. It’s over their food that Lucas looks up at Yann. The boys are engrossed in their foods comfortable with the silence.

“So…” Yann looks up food question in his eyes. “You and Chloe?” Lucas asks, as he casually stuffs a soggy fry in his mouth, blanching at the texture. 

“Yeah tell us Yann… You and Chloe? When’s the wedding??” Arthur asks from the side. He is busy drenching his fries in a yellow river of mustard but flips Lucas off when he sees the disgust apparent on his face. 

“It’s nothing, we were just talking. And if there was a wedding none of you would be invited.” Yann shrugs his shoulders. He downplays the fact that he spent a whole night ignoring his friends to talk to the younger brunette. 

“Hm. I don’t think so. Who else is going to be your flower boy but Lulu. Your not going to get a better pair of best men than us Yann. And if we are planning your bachelor’s party then we need to be invited to the wedding.” Basile points his fork at Yann as he states this matter of factly. 

“I’ll even wear a dress for the occasion.” Lucas smiles deviously at Yann. He picks up his coffee mug as the other boy makes a face at the thought of Lucas in a dress dropping rose petals as he makes his way down the aisle. His wedding was going to be really fucked up. 

“Yeah? So tell me about Mr. Fuck-Me-Eyes that you locked lips with after you pawned Chloe off on me?” 

Lucas glares at Yann over the rim of his mug. He shrugs and says nothing instead choosing to ball up his napkin and throw it at his friend for the change in topics. 

Yann easily swats it away. 

“Hm, well since neither of you really want to talk about that, I can share that I kissed Alexia last night?” Arthur shoves a couple of fries in his mouth a bit of mustard dribbles out the side of his mouth. He uses another french fry to mop it up. 

Lucas gags. 

“No way!” Yann shouts surprised.

“What was it like?” Bas asks excitedly. 

“Warm, really nice and….well I don’t really remember more than that, but I think she liked it and I liked it so I it went well.” 

Lucas rolls his eyes a smile of his face. “Doesn’t she have a boyfriend?”

“Oh, well that happened too.” 

“You can’t just lead us like this Arthur! Tell us the whole story or shut up.” Bas slaps the table rapidly,. 

“That so? Guess I’ll just shu--”

“No-no no don’t listen to Bas, he doesn’t know what he is talking about! Keep going. What happened? What did we miss??” Yann practically shoves Bas out of the booth, trying to get Arthur to continue his story. They all ignore Bas’ indignant _‘hey!’_ from the floor. 

“She broke up with him. Well he tried to start something because we linked arms and kissed a couple of times. I don’t think he was really pleased with the fact that she kept grabbing shots so we could link arms. But she dumped him on the spot.” 

“No way!!” Lucas’s mouth drops is shock. “So is it serious??” 

“I think we’ve got something solid. We’ll take it slow and see how it goes.” 

“I’m happy for you, you’re becoming a man!” 

The three boys look down at Basile who has yet to climb back up to his seat. Yann gives the curly haired boy a look. 

He shrugs. “It’s kind of comfortable down here.” 

Lucas chuckles at his friends. A quiet buzz draws everyone’s attention to Arthur’s phone. He picks it up and his eyes light up. 

“Ah, it’s her.” He grabs his napkin and wipes away any residue. “I’m going to hang with the girls today. I’ll see you later.”

“Ah w-wait is Daphne going to be there?” Bas asks from his position. 

“I think so. She said she’s with the girls, I can only assume that means Daphne as well.” 

Basile struggles to get off the floor. “I’m coming with you!” 

Arthur laughs and shrugs. “Sure, we need to have some entertainment I guess. Boys?” He turns to look at Yann and Lucas. Yann looks like he really wants to say yes and looks at Lucas pleadingly. 

“Go ahead...leave me to my paper! Let me fail on my own!” Lucas sighs dramatically dropping his head on the table in defeat. 

Yann takes the opening and jumps up. “Alright boys lets go!”

"Thanks for the food Lulu!" The boys thank him in unison before dashing out the door. Lucas shoos them away.

He is left to wallow in his despair and when the check comes he bangs his head on the table instantly regretting it. 

Maybe he’ll go back to the apartment, sleep for a bit then wake up and write his paper. It sounds like a great idea that he will regret later. He seems to be filled with these. He looks at the clock.

1:30pm. He would be better off if he heads home to grab his laptop and settle in nicely at a cafe to bang out this paper. He quickly signs the check, calculates a decent tip and rushes out the door. 

The short walk back clears his cloudy head. He changes into some comfortable grey sweats and throws on a black shirt. He's not trying to impress anybody. He shoves his laptop and a bottle of water in his bag and runs to the bathroom to check the status of his hair. 

Messy. Check. 

He locks the door behind him.

When he hits the streets he realizes he has two choices. He can head to the university cafe where he knows he will get little to no work done and drink shit coffee or he can head to the Jumping Bean where he knows he can get some work done but knowing if it gets too busy, he might be roped into helping out. 

He mulls over the decision in silence before he lets his feet decide for him. 

When he reaches the Jumping Bean, he is only one of the handful of customers milling around the shop. He salutes at Gabriel who stands behind the counter, a white rag in hand as he dries mugs. The other boy smiles politely back but says nothing. 

Lucas mentally shrugs and settles himself in his favorite corner, a little nook at the back of the shop. A spot where he can see out but others would find it difficult to see him. 

The paper isn’t hard. It’s just long. And he wants nothing to do with it. So his writing is shit and he knows it. It takes him about an hour to write up 5 pages of the 12 that is due. His fingers feel heavy from the typing and the cobwebs in his mouth start up again. He hasn’t fully recovered from the night before and from the typos he has encountered already, his writing is taking note of this. He takes a sip of the water from the bottle but decides he wants something stronger. 

Coffee. He wonders for a second if he could bother Gabriel into making him a cup but decides against it. He would just hop the counter and make his own. 

He stands into a yawn and a stretch, his black shirt rides high on his torso and he shivers from the exposure. When his eyes open, he feels his stomach jump up his throat at the person standing so casually at the counter looking intently at the menu. 

Lucas smooths his hands down his shirt to rid himself of any wrinkles while his eyes track the other boy. 

_Tall, dark messy hair, fuck me eyes and a killer smile._

He hears Daphne’s voice in his head. 

_Eliott? Eliott Demaury? 3rd year Eliott?_

Yeah it was fucking Eliott Demaury standing there, having no right to look so good in a pair of low riding black sweats. He spots the ear buds, one dangling loosely and the other buried somewhere in his left ear. 

 

Maybe there was still alcohol in his system. Maybe he is still a little drunk. Whatever it was Lucas decides to shimmy himself over to the other. 

He stands behind him for a minute just taking in the profile of the other boy who stood, running his blue eyes over the menu. 

He clears his throat. “The Triple Mocha latte is a best seller.” 

He’s glad he was able to get the words out before the other snapped his neck round to look at him. 

“Oh, fuck, you startled me.” A smile dances on the taller boys’ lips. 

Lucas watches as his eyes give him a once over. It’s a slow trail, up and down, and back up again. It takes everything in his being not to fidget. 

Eliott looks back at the menu. “Triple Mocha you say? I’ll take your word for it.” 

Lucas now feels the pressure to impress the other with a Triple Mocha. A drink he doesn’t even like. He just knows it’s their most requested item. 

“One triple mocha coming right up.” Lucas bites his lip and cuts in front of the other to hop the counter. He signals to Gabriel that he’s taking this order to which the other boy simply shrugs. 

He grabs two mugs from the shelf stopping when he sees the other with a wide smile that bares his teeth. “What?”

“Nothing. I wasn’t expecting you to work here, is all.” Eliott shrugs his shoulders and Lucas follows the movement, his eyes sharp and concentrated. 

But he looks away and says nothing. When he pours the steamed milk, Lucas makes sure to be extra careful. With swift movements of his hand Lucas creates a blooming heart. The best he’s done so far. 

Lucas slides the mug over carefully. 

When Eliott grabs for it, Lucas is once again drawn to the taller boys movement. This time he struggles to look away. 

He counts the seconds it takes for Eliott to wrap his pointer and middle finger around the handle of the mug. He memorizes the curvature and traces the path and movement of the hand as it brings the mug closer to his face. 

Blue eyes peering at the foam art. “Latte art. I wonder what other talents you are hiding.”

Lucas doesn’t answer. He’s not sure he heard him. 

His breath hitches at the sight, skin brushing up against the warmed porcelain. He notes the stark contrast between the bright white and the tan fingers. He could tell his fingers were long, study and thrummed with a quiet strength. Eliott brings his other hand up to curl around the mug and Lucas knows that if ever they were to hold hands, Eliott’s hands would engulf his in size. 

He swallows hard at the thought. He feels the familiar tingles of butterflies creating a silent storm in his stomach. He looks on, licking his lips, as Eliott brings the mug to taste his creation. 

“Wow. That’s delicious.” When he says this, Eliott closes his eyes, His tongue darts out to lick away any remnants. 

Lucas remains silent, eyelids feeling awfully heavy. He brings his hands up to trace his lips suddenly feeling very parched. When the fierce blue eyes snap open and peer at him, Lucas snaps out of his stupor and turns to pour himself a regular black drip coffee. 

He clears his throat and shakes his head. “Mm. Best-seller. I told you.”

When his mug fills he slips back out from behind the counter. 

“Wait. How much?” 

Lucas waves him away. “On the house. But only this once or my boss will fire me.” He gestures with his head at Gabriel who is pointedly ignoring them. From the way his shoulders tense, it is obvious he can hear the conversation clearly. 

Lucas turns to walk back to his desk, not sure if the other would follow or if that would be the extent of their interaction for the night. 

When he turns to sit, Eliott is already there standing at the empty seat across from him. Mug still in hand. 

“Mind if I join you?”  
“Go for it. It won’t be that entertaining though, I’ve got a paper to write.”

The table is small. Their knees bump but neither object to the contact. 

“Right, for which class?” 

Eliott shifts and Lucas’s voice stutters when he feels the back of the others’ leg brush up against his slowly. 

“A-art History.” 

“That with professor Ordell?” Lucas nods. He opens his laptop to distract himself. He wants to wipe the shit-eating grin off the other boys face but isn’t sure how. So he moves his legs and he is sure that he is engaging in a juvenile game of footsy. When he looks up those piercing eyes have grown dark with what he can only hope was desire. 

“Mm.” He licks his lips and he can feel those eyes tracing the movement. 

Eliott brings the mug to his lips and takes a sip. Another groan makes it through his parted mouth. 

Lucas feels something stir inside him at the sound. He drinks his coffee in silence, trying to glue his eyes to the screen in front of him. He wants to suppress the thoughts that threaten to bubble up inside. He doesn’t do a very good job as his baby blue eyes wander back at the older boy. 

“Seriously though, this is so good.” When Eliott brings a finger up to wipe at the chocolate at the corner of his mouth, Lucas dies a little. He wants to jump over the table, grab the other boys hand and lick the chocolate off his fingers and he wants to do it slowly. He wants to savor the feeling of having the other boys finger in his mouth. 

Eliott puts down the empty mug and he leans forward on the table. His face sits several inches away from Lucas’. “How about you gather your things and we head back to my place so you can tell me your secret.” 

Lucas is sure his brain has short circuited. He wants to say yes. He wants to run out of the shop hand in hand with this guy he barely knows but instead he mentally slaps himself out of his stupor and shakes his head. 

“Can’t give away my trade secrets. I’d get fired.” 

Eliott chuckles and Lucas can only think if there was any part of this guy that he didn’t find attractive. 

When Eliott stands he is a towering force. Lucas cranes his neck to keep eye contact from his seat. His stomach does flips but he keeps it cool as the other walks to stand next to him. Both his strong and muscular arms box him in. His left hand resting on the table while his right and grips at the back of Lucas’ chair. Eliott bends at the waist, bringing himself eye level to Lucas. 

“How about a payment for the drink then. I know you said on the house but…” 

For the second time within twenty-four hours Lucas watches in slow motion as Eliott moves closer. He wants to close his eyes, tilt his head and wait patiently to be taken to another planet. He wants his mind to be blown away like was just last night. He wants those lips on his so badly. 

But he stops it. He leans backwards and brings his hand up and takes in Eliott’s furrowed brows with quiet satisfaction. 

“Not so fast pretty boy.” 

Eliott scoffs at being called a pretty boy. 

“I recall you telling me you’re a third date kind of guy.” Lucas sees Eliott register his words as shock blossoms on his face and his mouth parts slightly. “Well, where’s my first and second date, buddy?” 

He doesn’t really expect an answer but when Eliott laughs, his head hanging there, Lucas wonders if he broke him. 

As his laughter trails off, Eliott looks back at Lucas, that smile back on his face, his blue eyes dancing with mirth. 

Quicker than he can register, Eliott’s left hand comes up to cup his chin and Lucas does die at the contact. He can feel every rough line on his fingertips and his life leaves him when he feels the tip of his nails run gently across his chin. 

“I also remember telling you that you’re special.” 

When Eliott goes in this time, Lucas’s eyes slam shut and he feels the delicious pressure of Eliott’s lips on his. When he feels the grip on his chin tighten he gasps and Eliott takes every advantage of the fact and slips his tongue in coaxing his own to come out and play.

Lucas thinks he might know what heaven feels like. He thinks he might have found it. But as great as the feeling was, to have Eliott so close to him, he is filled with an emptiness as the older boy pulls away. 

“I’ll see you around, Lucas…” 

It feels strange for him as he sits there, watching the other walk away like it was nothing. He is completely composed while Lucas is left to count his steps. Left to memorize the contours of his back. 

Euphoria and complete emptiness. 

Lucas thinks he might have started a game he wouldn’t be able to finish.


	4. Let Me Go

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He knows they all want to throw in their two cents. He knows exactly what they want to say. But he doesn’t think he can let himself hear it. After all, who knows him better but himself. Casual was never in his vocabulary. He never did things half way. Lucas always threw himself into everything he did with his whole being: body, mind, and heart. 
> 
> Casual would only leave him feeling unfulfilled. Casual would destroy him. But he doesn’t want to think about that so he shuts them down

Since their encounter in the coffee shop, Lucas feels like he hasn’t stopped seeing Eliott everywhere he goes an in everyone he sees.

In class he thinks he sees a glimpse of the unruly hair in passing outside the windows of his classroom. 

When he stops by the library he knows he is going stir crazy when he follows the movement of people between the stacks. He thinks he sees those grey blue eyes watching him.

One time, he does see him. In the distance surrounded by a small group. Eliott doesn’t see him. But Lucas pauses in his walk to his class to watch the other smiling and laughing freely. He quickly walks away before he gets caught staring. He doesn’t quite want to be seen as a stalker. Or a creep. 

When he is home he is distracted. He is obsessing and his friends take notice. 

“Talk to us man. What’s eating you?” It’s Yann who starts the dreaded conversation. It’s a Thursday night, and everyone has decided to convene at the boys' apartment for some much needed downtime. 

“..mm...nothing.” He mutters distractedly. 

Manon sits to his right and not too far away from the living room, the other girls stand in the kitchen. They look out at Lucas with their eyebrows raised. 

He sighs. 

“Well if that isn’t the sound of someone in love, then I don’t know what is.” Arthur speaks up from his spot on the floor. 

His eyes never leave that of the screen, him and Basile are locked in a deadly battle with Basile winning. 

“Is our little Lulu in lovvvve?” 

“What?” He looks up at Emma who walked over and handed him a plate full of cookies. He takes a bite out of one still glaring up at her. “I’m not in love.” 

“Then what is it?”

“He did seem really distracted in class yesterday. Kept staring out the windows like he was looking for someone.” 

Imane states this casually, she’s turned away from him and talking to Daphne. He feels ultimately betrayed, knowing that the girl knew exactly what she was doing when she shared such details to Daphne. 

“What?? Who?” Daphne directs the question at him. “Do you think he’s seeing someone" She doesn't give him a chance to answer, jumping into the next question determined to get answers. 

“Could be, I don’t know. If he is it’s got to be a secret affair. I haven’t seen anyone lingering after classes…”

“You both know that I’m right here right?” 

“Well stop leaving them to speculate already and say something Lucas. We’re dying here.” Manon smiles at him. Her voice is cam and collected. Everything he wasn’t feeling. 

“Alright, chill guys. It’s nothing…I-I’m just…”

“WAIT!” Lucas startles at Daphne’s shout. “It isn’t... It’s Eliott isn’t it?” 

She gasps and he can see her mind running a mile a minute. Her mouth drops open and her eyes get wide. 

“Stop!” He shouts back but he loses the fight against his rising blush and he feels heat radiate off his face. “I-it has _nothing_ to do with him.”

“Ahhh, this is where you have dug yourself a grave my friend.” Basile pipes up from the armchair. His legs dangle casually over the armrest. Although he speaks with one arm raised up and a finger pointing to an invisible force in the ceiling, his character is still beating Arthur's to a pulp. 

“You are too quick to defend and that only leaves the girls to believe they are correct. Should’ve played it cool. Cool man, _cool_.” 

“Hm, he’s got a point Lucas” Lucas glares at Yann who is staring at his phone, the bright blue light illuminating his smile. A smile that only serves to aggravate the short brunette more.

“It really is nothing, we only kissed twice and…”

“TWICE?” Lucas groans as he realizes he just fucked up big time. He buries his face in his hands trying to hide away from their questioning gazes. He contemplates telling them. He dreads the talk he is sure Daphne will give him. 

Lucas feels a hand rub his back gently and he peeks through his fingers at Manon. 

“You don’t have to tell us anything, Lucas. It’s your business.”

“Speak for yourself lady. I want to know everything. So speak up.” It’s Emma that nudges him with her foot. She nurses a red solo cup in one hand and a cookie in the other. 

He wasn’t getting out of this one. Lucas buckles down and turns to glare at Yann. He blames him for this mess. The other boy simply shrugs. “Fine. But we aren’t seeing each other. Sunday he stopped by the Jumping Bean and I made him a coffee. He kissed me as thanks. No more questions!”

Short. Simple. No flowery bullshit. That is exactly how it happened. Emma looks as if she is about to say something but Imane beats her to it. 

“Are we talking about Eliott, Idriss’ friend?” 

Daphne nods enthusiastically. Imane looks pensive for a second and Lucas can see she is fighting against the words she wants to say. She remains silent. 

“He’s hot. So I let him kiss me. It’s super casual. Okay?” Lucas knows he is downplaying things. He looks down at the plate of cookies, not daring to look up. When he looks back up he can see Daphne has something to say so he repeats himself. “ _Okay_?” She closes her mouth.

He knows they all want to throw in their two cents. He knows exactly what they want to say. But he doesn’t think he can let himself hear it. After all, who knows him better but himself. Casual was never in his vocabulary. He never did things half way. Lucas always threw himself into everything he did with his whole being: body, mind, and heart. 

Casual would only leave him feeling unfulfilled. Casual would destroy him. But he doesn’t want to think about that so he shuts them down. 

He stands up abruptly, plate of cookies in his hand. “This needs milk.” He passes the plate to Emma. “I’m going to buy milk. Don’t eat my cookies.” 

“Wait I’ll come wi--”

“No I think I need some air.” He cuts Yann off before the other boy can get up from his spot. He shoots him a reassuring smile and heads for the hall. 

He throws his shoes on and is about to head out when he feels a hand on his shoulder. When he turns he sees Imane’s concerned face. 

“He’s not--” She pauses thinking and searching for the right words. “Eliott’s not a bad guy, Lucas.” She looks away, her hand breaks contact. “He just...I think he’s looking for the right person and who knows. Maybe you are it.” She lets a soft smile fall on her lips. “I just don’t want you to get hurt if you find out you aren’t.” 

He hears her message loud and clear. 

Protect yourself. Don’t be stupid. Don’t jump in with stars in your eyes. It won’t end well.

He smiles at her and chuckles to hide his nerves. Or show it. He’s not sure. 

“I’ve got this, Imane. I don’t go handing my heart out to strangers. Even if they are super hot.” He averts his gaze, unable to take the intensity of hers. “Thanks…” he whispers. 

He turns and leaves the apartment. Its 9:30 and dark out. The street lamps already lit when he feels the cold wind greet the air, he is upset with himself for not grabbing a jacket. He shivers from the night breeze. 

The convenience of living in the city is that everything is near. Within walking distance. 

The store is only three blocks away. He is surrounded by the thrum of a lively Thursday night.

There is a steady flow of people walking every which way and muddled conversations fill the air around Lucas. Everyone is trying to get somewhere. 

Lucas included. Where though, he isn't sure. 

When he reaches the store it is empty. He heads for the back. He grabs a gallon. Whole milk. The good stuff and none of that 2% that Arthur drinks. 

He pays and is out into the dark before he knows it. He huddles in on himself. 

He goes on ahead when he stops mid-stride. A familiar laugh catches his attention. Even in the uneven glow of the street lamp Lucas would notice those broad shoulders walking away from him anywhere. Or that hair that a hand was currently running through. 

Lucas has 20/20 vision but even if didn’t he could imagine the way the strands of hair would fall back in place after each run through. What he doesn’t recognize is the brunette who stood by Eliott’s side meeting him step for step. 

She wore what looked like a tan jacket that was two sizes too big for her. He thinks it’s Eliott. Her hair is shoulder length and when she turns to look up at the taller boy, Lucas can see she’s gorgeous. 

Eliott says something because Lucas can clearly hear the two of them laughing. He watches as the girl grabs at his arm playfully. She steps closer and her head leans on his shoulder. Their steps falter. 

Lucas thinks he should stop staring. Casual he repeats in his head. 

The mental mantra does little to calm his nerves as Eliott turns and backs the girl up against a the wall of the convenience store. He uses those same fingers that Lucas has yet to erase the touch of, to tilt her chin up and the lean in was slow. Her lips wait patiently and her eyes close. Lucas thinks she responds naturally, as if she has done this a thousand times over and still can’t control the habit. 

Lucas feels something wet on his legs, soaking through his shoes. He registers the sound after the fact. When he looks down he is standing in a puddle of milk. The little red cap hangs on loosely and Lucas can see where the plastic cracked upon impact. The white liquid pours out, undulating in a steady flow. 

He doesn’t move although his brain tells him to. 

“Lucas?” Lucas snaps his head back up and his eyes are wide as he now becomes the sole focus of the other two’s attention. He jumps into action, hoping the delayed response was not picked up. 

“Oh shit,” He shakes his leg. “My milk!” His shoes drip murky white. His socks feel gross on his feet. The feeling spreads up his body. He feels disgusting. But this, he can’t shake. 

He hears the chuckle and footsteps come close and when his eyes dart back up, it’s drawn to the interlaced fingers as Eliott walks with the other in tow, towards him. 

“How’d you manage this?” 

Lucas doesn’t know how to respond and instead he sends an unsteady smile at the other two. 

“Wow. This is embarrassing.” He lets out a breathy laugh. 

Lucas ignores how Eliott tilts his head and his eyes are reading into every forced movement on Lucas’ part. 

“Everything okay?” Lucas shakes his head. Eyes wide. 

“Yeah, why?” His blue eyes dart between the other two. He lingers on the girl. She’s even more beautiful than he thought now that they stand only a couple feet away from each other, full lips, bright hazel eyes peer at him under long lashes. 

“Ah, sorry.” Eliott catches him staring and Lucas wants to gouge his own eyes out for being so blatant. “I should introduce you two. Lucas this is a close friend. Lucille.” 

Close friend. Close friend who you push up against walls and ravish. Close friend. Lucas can tell her thoughts are in line with his as her eyebrows make a dive and she shoots the taller boy a look which he misses. 

“Cool. Nice to meet you.” Lucas nods at her and she sends him a smile that doesn’t quite reach her eyes. 

“Ah, same.” She steps forward, letting go of Eliott’s hand. She avoids the puddle of milk as she leans in and kisses both of his cheeks. Lucas has the urge to wipe viciously at his face when she pulls away. He is glad he doesn’t do this. When he looks back at Eliott there is an unreadable expression on his face. 

Lucas looks away and clears his throat. “I…I should probably go and get another bottle. The others are waiting back at home.” 

When Eliott steps forward, Lucas mirrors him and takes a step back. “It was nice to meet you Lucille.” He waves at the two of them and doesn’t wait for a response as he turns around.

He ignores Eliott’s shout for him to wait. 

When he enters the store he heads to the back. He isn’t sure how long he stands at the the fridge hands on the door but not opening it, eyes seeing nothing in front of him. 

His heart beats loudly in his chest and he feels a heavy weight fill his body, his legs feel like lead.. The image of Eliott and Lucille, pushed up against the wall replays in his head. He lets out a stuttering breath. Lucas physically tries to shake the feeling, his hands dancing by his sides. He feels the rush in his ears and he doesn’t hear the clerk at the counter shout to him telling him there was no loitering in the store. 

It’s not till a shake pulls him from his thoughts that Lucas startles and stumbles back into the glass of the fridge door. He looks up at the angry face of the clerk.

“Hey, I said no loitering.” Lucas pulls away from the hands and apologizes. He leaves the store quickly. He takes the long way back, not wanting to chance a run in again. 

When he shows up at the apartment with his head down smelling like milk and empty handed, no one says anything at first. He passes the livingroom and the concern stares. He doesn’t stop when Yann calls out for him or when Emma yells that he forgot his cookie and ‘where the hell is the milk’. 

Instead, he heads straight for the bathroom, locking the door behind him. The resounding click is loud in. He moves on autopilot as he turns the shower on and hops in.

He can’t get the smell of sour milk to leave him and the heated water makes him feel pins and needles all around. He didn’t realize he was that cold until now. 

He washes up quickly and shuts off the water. He ties a towel around his waist and heads for his bedroom. When he enters he is surprised to see Manon, Imane, and Daphne sitting on his bed. 

“Oh my god Lulu, I didn’t realize what you were hiding underneath all that clothing!” Daphne’s voice cracks as she squeals at him.

He cocks an eyebrow at them. Instead of responding he turns towards his closet leaving them to stare at his back. “I’m changing so if you don’t want to see anything I would close your eyes.” 

“He won’t do it girls.” It’s Manon who says this so surely. Lucas cocks his head, eyebrows going up at the challenge. Normally he wouldn’t, tonight however, he doesn’t have any sense of self preservation. He shrugs and drops the towel and is bombarded by screams. 

“Lucas!” It’s Imane he hears, he is sure she has turned her entire body and hid her face in his sheets. “Fuck!” 

He lets out a chuckle but quickly throws on a shirt and pants, forgoing his usual briefs. 

“I warned you. Now what are you guys doing in my room?” He approaches his bed and the other three shuffle to give him room. He grabs his phone on his nightstand, flicks in on and notices he has no notifications and turns it off. He looks over at the girls and sees how they are communicating with their eyes. 

“Stop that.” He says rolling his eyes. 

“Stop what?” 

“That thing you guys do. Where you talk but you don’t talk.” 

He leans back against his mountain of pillows. He throws his arm over and covers his face. There in the comfort of his bed, surrounded by the girls, he feels a lump in the back of his throat and he attempts to swallow past it. 

It’s difficult and his effort shows. When he tries to clear his throat his breath is raggard and the feeling of tears tickling the back of his eyes only serve to make his breathing more staggered as he tries to hold the flood emotions back. 

He breathes in deeply. “Hey Daphne.”

“Hm..what is it baby?” He feels someone’s fingers running softly through his hair, tracing gentle patterns on his scalp. 

“Is Lucille the girl you were talking about. That friend of yours?” He sounds far more confident and collected than he feels. 

“Yeah? How’d you know?” 

Lucas can hear the concern in her voice. 

He is quiet for a bit before he shrugs. “I, uh, met her. While I was out.” He chuckles as he remembers the feeling of jealousy coursing through him. “She’s really pretty.” 

“...yeah, she is.” 

The conversation ends there. None of them knowing really what to say. Lucas is okay with this. He lets himself sink and find comfort in those stroking fingers. 

Manon and Imane quietly talk to themselves. He assumes Daphne is the one who continues to stroke his hair. 

When it feels like hours have passed, Lucas clears his throat. 

“I’ve got work tomorrow after class so I’m going to need you gals to either come sleep or leave.” He turns on his side and draws the blankets up to his shoulders. 

“Night Lucas” he hears the quiet calls and the weight shifts off his bed.

\---------

When Lucas clocks into work, he does so begrudgingly. It is 12:30 He wants to head back to the apartment to sleep, having slept very little the night before. His body chose to twist and turn and his mind wanted to be on blast instead of embracing sleep. 

He reaches up to cover a yawn. He blinks sleep from his eyes and moves to dry the freshly washed mugs. He doesn’t allow his thoughts to get away from him today. Choosing instead to keep busy.The only thing keeping him going is knowing that he would head to visit his mother after his shift. 

He checks inventory, making note of what needs to be ordered by the end of the week. 

Gabriel walks by and hands him a cup of coffee startling him. 

His gaze is questioning while the other simply shrugs. 

“You looked like you needed it.” 

Lucas looks down at the kind gesture the sits warmly in his clutch. He feels the warmth spread from his hands all the way up to his face. 

“Thanks” is his quiet whisper. When he looks back up at Gabriel, the other is leaning casually on the counter behind him. His arms holding him up. The tall blonde shakes his head, green eyes staring intently at Lucas. 

“It’s nothing. You just don’t seem like yourself.” He leaves it at that and moves to head to the back. 

He states it so matter of factly that Lucas can’t argue with him. Instead Lucas brings up the steaming cup of coffee and sips at it. He enjoys the slight burn on his lips and tongue. The liquid sears the back of his throat. 

He sets his drink down and goes to stand behind the register. When customers enter the shop he is ready. Two hours into his shift, it gets busy. 

A rush of orders come in and the both of them find a steady groove of moving back and forth between the register and making the drinks. They work in unison, working well under the pressure. Somehow they manage not to create any messes with how quick they are working. 

Lucas finds his mind occupied with work and only work. He is in his element. When the crowd slowly thins Lucas slows his pace. When he passes by Gabriel, who is on his way to the register, he shoots a smile at the blonde and receives a light punch on the shoulder. 

Half an hour before the end of his shift. 

“A Triple Mocha Latte.” Lucas hears this and signals to Gabriel that he heard. He goes through the motion of crafting the drink without thinking. When he turns to place the drink on the counter behind him he almost spills it. 

Eliott stands his body bent, elbows resting on the counter with his fingers laced together.  
A smirk rests on his lips. 

“Hey.” 

Lucas drinks in the sight of the other boy. He doesn’t feel like work was going to be his safe place anymore. He can’t seem to escape the other boys intense gaze. 

“Hi.” Lucas wills his voice to come out steady and thanks whatever god that exists that it does. 

“No art today?” 

Lucas lets a small smile play on his lips. 

“Ah, no. I’m working so no playing around for me.” He turns to clean the machine he just used. 

He pretends he doesn’t notice the other boy staring. 

“When do you get off?”

_In my bed, underneath the covers away from prying eyes._

Lucas clears his throat and looks at the clock. 

“In 15 minutes.”

Eliott straightens up, he brings an arm up to rub at the back of his neck, eyes never leaving the younger boy. 

“What do you think about heading to my place after work, then?” 

The invite is casual. Twice now he has been invited back to his apartment. 

“Stop that.” He chuckles at the other. 

“Stop what?”

“Inviting me to your place. I might start to think you like me.” He says, seriously, the half smile never leaving his lips. 

Eliott shrugs. “I don’t see how that’s a bad thing” Lucas shakes his head and walks away from the other boy.

“Anyways, I can’t today. I have a date.” _with my mom_. He leaves that part out. 

Lucas can’t pinpoint the look in the other boys eyes as he continues to slowly sip his coffee. 

“I’m jealous. Someone gets to spend the night with you and it’s not me.”

“Shut up.” Lucas feels a flush creep up his neck. He knows he shouldn’t get drawn in but Eliott is like the Earth and Lucas is the moon that can’t escape his gravitational pull. 

“You’re cute when you blush.” 

Eliott straightens up and grabs his drink. 

“I’ll have to get you when your not so busy.” 

Lucas can only stare as the other walks away and settles down at a table. He sees how Eliott takes out his phone and entertains himself.

“Hey.” Gabriel’s voice shakes him from his staring. “Clock out.” 

He nods. 

When he gathers his bag, and steals a croissant under Gabriel’s watchful eye, Eliott is still sitting at that table scrolling through his phone. He’s caught staring when Eliott looks up and waves bye at him. 

Not wanting to make more of a fool of himself he stuffs the croissant in his mouth, nods at the other and turns to leave. 

He heads to the bus stop. It’s 4:30. He is supposed to meet with his mother at 4:30 so he has some time to kill. Lucas sits at the bench with his his legs drawn up on the seat and he sets his bag next to him. 

When he opens his phone he sees a couple of unread messages. Two from Yann and one from his mom. He opens Yann’s first. 

_**Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?** _

_**I haven’t seen Mama Lallemant in a while.** _

He sends off a quick reply. His smile falls when he opens and reads his mother’s message. 

_**Your father, decided to stop by. Perhaps it is best you come visit at a different time?** _

 

“Fucccck…” He whispers to himself. He drops his head onto his knees and holds his phone to his chest. 

“Something wrong?” The voice startles him and Lucas jumps in his seat nearly dropping his phone in the process. 

“Oh my god, are you stalking me?” He states, bringing his hand to his chest to feel is thumping heart. The other boy throws his head back and laughs. Lucas stops breathing for a second at the sound. Lucas thinks he has become a hollowed out shell and the sound reverberates inside him. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” He sits there with his hands hanging loosely between his legs that were sprawled out. “So what happened?” 

Lucas looks away and back down at his phone. “My date canceled…” his eyebrows furrowed.  
His father doesn’t normally visit. It sucks that it happens today of all days. 

“Oh? So you are free after all?” 

An eyebrow goes up. 

“You sure are persistent.” Lucas says through a small smile. He stares at the other boy, his head and arm resting on his knees. 

Eliott looks away and shakes his head. His mouth opens but nothing comes out and he settles with a wry smile instead. 

When the bus approaches Lucas turns his head. He doesn’t need to get on. He feels more than sees Eliott stand up.

“Are you coming?” Lucas sees the other has his bag in hand. 

“Hey!” He looks down at his side and sure enough his bag isn’t there. 

He jumps up rushing the doors before it closed. He feels a bit of adrenaline pumping through his veins as he stares up at Eliott. He should be mad but he can’t stop the laughter that bubbles up. 

“I can’t believe you.” 

“What’s not to believe?” Lucas searches the other’s face. Eliott eyes are bright with amusement. 

“This should be considered kidnapping.” 

“Then you should report me?” Eliott smiles down at the other. He steps closer and Lucas thinks he is ridiculous because there is literally no one else on the bus besides the two of them and the driver. 

Lucas doesn’t know why he chose to stand next to him when there are empty seats all round. He thinks that’s a good idea, to sit, because his knees feel weak from how close he is standing to the other boy.

The ride is quiet the rest of the way. Lucas follows the other boys lead. When it’s time to get off, Eliott takes Lucas’s hands in his and he guides him to his place. 

Lucas pulls at his shirt collar with his free hand, feeling unable to breathe. He was right. 

Eliott’s hands dwarf his in size. He wants to wiggle his hand free from the grasp if only so he can think again. He bites his lips when he looks down at where they are connected, the lines on Eliott’s palm is visible. 

He traces them with his eyes and thinks what it would feel like if he could trace them with his tongue. 

“Home sweet home.” Lucas holds back the whimper when Eliott lets go of his hand. “I’m going to grab a beer, want one?” 

Lucas nods his head. “Definitely.” 

“Cool.” Eliott disappears into what Lucas can only imagine is the kitchen. He wanders into the living room. He can see the apartment is well lived. The couches look comfortable, cushions that you can sink into. A sweatshirt lies loosely on the armrest of a loveseat. The coffee table holds a cluster of papers and an ashtray.

He sees a record player in one corner, shelves of records standing on display in another corner. The wall above a piano is covered with cute little drawings. 

He turns when he feels Eliot tap him on the arm with a cold beer bottle. 

“Thanks. You draw those?” Eliott takes a sip and nods. 

“Mm.” 

As Eliott explains the reasons behind the racoons, Lucas can’t help but chuckle. His spirit animal. Because they are awesome. And they wear masks. 

He doesn’t know what makes him so bold to ask how Eliott would draw him but he isn’t disappointed when the other shrugs, letting him know he would have to think about it. Instead he feels his stomach tumble at the thought of the other thinking about him. 

When Eliott settles on the couch, Lucas is still standing near the piano. 

His eyes take in the sight of the other casually rolling a joint. His fingers are gentle not to rip the paper.. Lucas licks his lips and something in his movement causes the other to look up. Without taking his eyes off of Lucas, Eliott brings the joint up to his mouth, his tongue darting to wet the paper before sealing it. He pinches the ends with ease. 

Lucas has to turn around hiding away from his gaze. 

He runs his hand across the old wooden frame.

“You play?” He doesn’t turn to look but he hears the sound of the lighter flicker, once, twice and the familiar scents fills the air. He can practically imagine Eliott’s fingers holding the joint deftly in between his thumb and pointer. 

“Not really.”

When he turns he can see the other sitting there, an air of smoke a thin veil that does nothing to dim the sight that is Eliott.

“Can I?” Eliott nods his head, smile on his lip as he blows out smoke. 

“Go for it.”

It’s been a little over 4 years since he last played. When his fingers touch the keys it’s soft and gentle at first. 

It doesn’t take long for him to fall into playing and soon his fingers are dancing across the keys, playing the chords of Riopy, _I love You_. Memories of his lessons play out on his fingertips.

When he hits the last note his eyes close. He’s not sure why he chose this song to play but the notes strike something in him. 

Lucas thinks, it might the perfect piece to play that captures how vulnerable he has felt since the first time they locked eyes. How delicate he feels in the presence of the other. That his strength was a show that he puts on and this song just breaks down everything that he fakes. He wants the truth to ring out and echo with the notes. 

He gasps when he feels hands on his neck tilting his head, he comes into contact with a sturdy chest.

When his eyes open his world is upside down and the only thing that appears right is Elliot. 

Everything stutters to a stop when he gets lost in those steele blue eyes. When those fingers on his neck move, a simple caress, Lucas melts. He feels himself shiver and his mouth drops open and he pants, short of breath at the feeling of Eliott baring a delicious pressure down on his exposed neck. His hands shoot up to grab at the fingers, to rip them away from his skin or to force them to explore; Lucas isn’t sure anymore.

When his own fingers move to map out the roughened veins his eyelids flutter. Eliott turns his head just the slightest and everything's right side up again. He feels ready to explode. And he does. 

When Eliott leans down it is mash of teeth and tongue. Gone was the gentle peck of their first kiss, the teasing of their second. 

He strains his neck up to meet the other, his fingers wrap around the hands that cradle him. One on his cheek and the other tracing his collar bone. He feels on edge, wired. 

There is a gentle nip of his lips as Eliott pulls away but he follows and closes the gap again. He learns the curve and every corner of Eliott’s mouth. Where he starts and where Eliott ends he comes to think, there is no difference. 

When Eliott pulls away the second time, Lucas doesn’t stop him. He leans his head back as the other latches on to his neck. He feels the warmth of a tongue tracing the path on his skin where his fingers were just moments before. 

Those strong hands grasp him at the waist and lifts him up and his body shudders at how perfectly he fits in his grip. He feels weightless as he is carried over to the couch and deposited. 

He looks up at the other, his vision blurred. There is no mistaking the desire that is clear when Eliott looks at him. When Eliott reaches for the hem of his shirt and lifts it over his head, messing up his hair even more, Lucas drinks him in. 

Desire and heat pools inside him. Every inch of Eliott was something else. An ethereal beauty that Lucas felt so dull in comparison. But for some reason he still wanted Lucas. 

The couch dips when Eliot brings a knee up and between Lucas’ spread legs. He leans forward and boxes the smaller in while resting his arms on either sides of his head on the back of the couch. 

“W-wait.”

“Hm?” Eliott doesn’t quite stop as his mouth continues to leave hot trails up and down his neck. 

Lucas pushes against Eliott’s shoulders until he can see the others face. The smile on his face does little to mask his want. 

Lucas clears his throat. “W...what is this? Are we, I mean. Is this, like, casual?” He sounds far more confident than he feels. 

His words cause pause in the other boy who pulls back slightly. Lucas swallows hard when Eliott runs a hand through his own hair and shrugs. 

“Yah. Casual. Is this okay?” 

For a moment Lucas freezes. But he thinks, he might never get this chance to be so close to Eliott ever again. He wants to risk it all to think for a second that this something between them is more than a casual fuck on the couch. 

“Yeah.” He says. “Yeah, let’s do this.” He chuckles and lifts his own shirt. When Eliott smiles, Lucas thinks for a second it’s worth it. When he lies down on the couch Lucas climbs on top and grabs Eliott’s hand by the wrist, stopping them from roaming the curves of his body. 

He thinks he can handle this kind of casual. But he knows he wouldn’t survive the feeling of those fingers showering his body with a fleeting love. A love that wasn’t his to keep, so he holds them in place. 

In the morning, Lucas knows he is going to wish he could hit the rewind button. He’s going to wish that he can turn back time. When the sun comes up and he opens his eyes, this false confidence he has will be gone and he is going to hate himself. 

But for tonight...he lets himself go.


	5. Pick Me Up Again, Please

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Do you think…” Eliott starts off slow. When he looks up, his eyes lock with Lucas'.“That in another life, at a different time...Somewhere, things would line up perfectly and we would be together, the way you want us to be?” He sounds wistful, sounds like he wants it just as much as Lucas does. But something is holding him back.

It’s odd, but they never exchange numbers. They didn’t ask when they could see each other next. There’s no awkward compliments or comments of how amazing it was. 

Instead, Lucas follows the movements of Eliott’s fingers drawing patterns lightly on his chest. They settle into a natural silence. A moment, Lucas thinks, that makes him feel as if they’ve done this before. 

That if they lived in a parallel universe, what would come next would be warm kisses and a tender “I love you” whispered in the dim light of the night.

Instead when all is done, Lucas breathes heavy but feels empty. When Eliott pushes lightly at his shoulders, Lucas leans forward from his place between the others legs. He immediately misses the sturdy chest that supported his weight. 

He misses everything so quickly. 

Eliott stands and disappears. Lucas hears in the close distance the running of the tap. When Eliott comes back he holds in his hands a white towel visibly damp. 

Lucas holds the air in his lungs when Eliott starts to run the towel over his body. Wiping away the evidence of their interaction. 

He grabs the other boys arm and chuckles nervously. 

“You don’t have to.” He smiles in fake confidence when they connect gazes. For a second, Lucas thinks Eliott wants to say something. But he doesn’t. Eliott shrugs and looks away. He hands the towel over to Lucas and settles back on the couch, this time sitting up with his head knocked back and resting with his eyes closed. His feet firmly planted on the floor. Grounded. A content smile stretches his lips just the slightest. 

Lucas is glad. He wipes himself down. To allow Eliott that much control over him. The other boy would drop him and let him shatter. 

He couldn’t have that. 

When he is done, he tosses the towel on the coffee table. His blue eyes scan the floor for his clothing, locating each piece and then dressing himself. 

“Ah, bathroom?” Without opening his eyes Eliott lifts a hand in the general direction. 

He is surprised by what he sees in the mirror. He lifts his chin and pulls down his shirt. Small and large, red and purple bruises pepper his throat and collar bone. He runs his hands over them and shivers. 

There was no way he could cover up all of it. Eliott left marks on him tonight. Some visible for the world to see and others... a mark that only Lucas can notice. When the taller boy appears behind him in the mirror, dressed only in sweatpants, Lucas lets his eyes travel the length of his body. 

He stood arm braced on the door frame. Casual. 

“You really went to town…” Lucas smiles at the other. 

“Yea.. sorry ‘bout that.” Lucas thinks he doesn’t sound sorry. And he isn’t but Lucas shakes his head regardless. 

“Mm, no don’t apologize.” He looks over the marks again running his hand over his temporary tattoos that scream he belongs to someone. He draws his bottom lips between his teeth biting down. 

“I like them.” He boldly states, eyes closed. He doesn’t expect the other to rush at him, to be turned around so quickly, lifted and placed so gently on the counter. He doesn’t expect the kiss. Eliott steals his bottom lip and bites down on it with his own teeth then laps at it with his tongue, gently soothing in apology. 

When he throws his arm around the other’s neck and gets lost in the soft and unrelenting force that is Eliott, Lucas feels like he has gained some control. He has the leverage. He has the power. Fake as it was. 

When Eliott has his fill, he pulls back and they stay there, for more than minutes simply watching the other. When it gets too real, Lucas clears his throat and hops off the bathroom counter. 

“I should go.” He heads out of the bathroom and throws on his shoes in the hallway. “It’s getting late.” When he turns he sees Eliott already throwing on a shirt and a black hoodie. 

“I’ll walk you.” 

“No, it’s late.”

“Exactly. I’ll walk you.”

Lucas doesn’t argue. He waits for him to throw on his own sneakers. When Eliott reaches for his tan jacket, he holds it out to Lucas who only has on a loose long sleeve. 

Lucas stares at. He sees the image of Lucille, looking at him while standing next to the towering build that is Eliott. He sees her delicate frame engulfed in the tan jacket. Her eyes wide, mouth agape. 

He doesn’t take the jacket and instead shakes his head. “No, that’s okay. I don’t get cold easily.” 

Which is a lie. He is practically an anemic little freak who wears scarves at the onset of summer. 

And something in the way he looked at the jacket tells Eliott that he isn’t being truthful. 

The taller boy runs his hand through his hair and sighs. He steps forward and throws his jacket over Lucas. 

“It’s cold. Can’t have you getting sick on me.” He pats the others’ cheek and bends to kiss his nose. Lucas almost breaks and begs him to stop. He can’t handle all these little touches and kisses. 

He doesn’t want to think that Eliott cares more than he does. 

Instead, Lucas slips the jacket on. When they walk he is glad he has it. It’s cold and through the warmth of the oversized jacket he still feels the bite of the wind. 

Eliott takes notice and walks closer to the other, he throws an arm over Lucas’ shoulders and they keep this way. In silence and side by side the entire way to his apartment. 

When he stands at the door, the lobby light illuminating him, Eliott simply looks on. While he doesn’t say anything, Eliott chooses to reach up and fix a strand of Lucas’s hair and Lucas is forced to remember the night he saw the other for the first time. The same feelings of that night flood and drown his senses.

But just like that Eliott turns around and walks the way he came. 

Lucas isn’t sure how long he stood there. Watching Eliott leaving and carrying with him everything that was Lucas. 

He leaves Lucas empty handed. With a tan jacket that is tarnished by the thought that he wasn’t the first and won’t be the only one to wear it. 

He heads up, quiet to open the door. It’s 1 am and he isn’t surprised to see Yann sitting in the living room, the blue light of the TV flashing and illuminating the other’s face. When Yann sees Lucas, he sees something that makes him take pause. 

He ignores, for a second, the screen in front of him. When Yann lifts the corner of the blanket that is draped over his lap, Lucas takes up the invitation.  
When Lucas settles, he lays his head on Yann’s shoulders, his eyes rest of the TV but doesn’t see what’s in front of him. 

“Yann…”

“Hm?” 

“I think I fucked up.” 

Yann doesn’t reply, instead he takes his arm and wraps it around Lucas. When Lucas starts to sniffle, Yann runs his hand through the others hair comfortingly. He doesn’t look down at him with pity, he doesn’t question him on what he’s done. Yann doesn’t judge and instead he offers a quiet and unconditional support.

When Yann feels the tears drip on his arms, He brings his hand to gently cover Lucas’s eyes. His fingers a cloak and soft weight that hid his weakness from the world. Lucas was thankful. 

Under the heavy weight of his arm and the darkness of their apartment, Lucas lets sleep take over. 

 

____

When Lucas wakes, he sits up in a cocoon of blankets and he is surprised it is already 11 when he looks at his phone. He is on the couch by himself. He doesn’t have work but his phone tells him he has three missed calls from Emma and two from Daphne. He flops back down and groans. 

Damn. 

He forgets that he promised his day away to helping the girls organize a gathering on the university park. It’s a huge park but Lucas knows that it is mainly the university students who hang around. He didn’t mind going there today because he finds that park to be relaxing and if ever necessary he can easily escape the noise. What he dreads is what he said he would do. 

He’d agreed to carrying tables, putting up decorations, and be an overall glorified runner in case there was anything the girls needed him to do. He groaned at the prospect of so much work and almost wished he didn’t request the day off. 

The worst part would be that it would be a dry event. Unless he could convince Alex to spike the drinks. 

“UP and at em LUCAS!” 

Basile jumps on the Lump that is Lucas, causing the wind to be knocked out of him. 

“Bas!” He pushes at the other with his tangled feet. He pulls his arms out of the warmth and swats harshly at the other boy who dodges easily. 

“Oohhh...Will you look at that.” Basile leans close to the other’s neck, eyes wide and scrutinizing. “Someone had a fun time with a leech last night!” 

All sleep instantly vaporized and Lucas, with newly found strength, sat up and hurled a laughing Basile off of him. His hands instantly ran up and down his neck. 

“Oh my god, go look at your face.” 

Lucas slams his eyes close and throws the blanket over his head. It does little to muffle Basile’s wheezing. 

“Fuck you Bas!” 

“Oi! Leave our Lulu alone.He needs to get ready or we’ll be late in helping out the girls.” 

When he feels the weight of a hand on his head, he knows it’s Arthur. He can tell the difference between the weight that is Yann and that of Arthur. 

“Ah! He’s right, Lucas we need to get going. Daphne will be sad if we are late.” 

Lucas shakes his head. He wants the blanket to swallow him. “Go away!” 

“I’ll take the left side and you take the right?” 

Lucas can hear the two conspiring and he only curls in on himself gripping at the blanket harder. He knows there is about to be an onslaught of pulling in every which way. He buckles down. 

“No! Leave me alone!” 

He tries to ignore the pulling of the blanket. 

“Go away. I’m not coming out. Ever!” 

Their laughter breaks him down and he feels his resolve disappear. His grip loosens and in a moment of clarity Lucas suddenly let’s go all together. 

The sound of the two crashing on either sides of him provide Lucas with a quiet satisfaction. 

When Yann walks in, Lucas’s face is red. He is heaving from their impromptu tug of war. 

“Can we just get ourselves together. I think Daphne is having a hernia.” 

In that moment Lucas feels his phone vibrate and he is quick to jump for it. He sees that Daphne is calling. 

“Speak of the devil.” He answers. 

_“Where are you boys?!?”_

“Ah, sorry. I just woke up.” He shoots the other boys a look. 

_“Lucas!”_ He hears the other screech and a chorus of disbelief in the background. He fidgets at the guilt that settles in him. _"You were supposed to be here half an hour ago! And you said you’d bring treats!”_

Lucas stammers out an apology. He jumps with the phone still in his hand. 

“The coffee and snacks will be on me. Please forgive me this one time. I’ll see you girls soon!” Before Daphne can respond Lucas hangs up. 

Bas scrambles to his feet a fire in his eyes. “My baby is waiting for me. Let’s go!” 

Arthur accepts Yann’s hand and sits himself up. When his eyes fall on Lucas, his surprise is evident. 

“You should probably wear a scarf, the girls will go absolutely crazy if they see that. He chuckles when Lucas blushes. 

“So you boys ready?”

“Ah, you guys go ahead. I still need to get ready and pick up the treats.” Arthur and Basile nod heading out. 

Before he joins the others, Yann pauses in front of Lucas. 

“You good?” Lucas nods. He feels the other looking at him and it takes everything in him not to take his hands to cover up the bruises on his neck. 

“Look…” Yann breaths out. Lucas watches as the other boy looks up at the ceiling and huffs. “Whatever it is that you’ve got yourself into, with that Eliott guy, I just need you to know it's going to work out..” Yann steps forward and knocks their foreheads together. " You deserve the world and he's a lot of things, but I don't think stupid is one of them."

They stay like that for a second before Yann let's him go. When Yann steps back he lightly taps at Lucas’s cheeks. 

Lucas smiles at him and nods. 

“Go get yourself ready. I’ll see you there.” Yann is out of the apartment before Lucas can reply and when the door shuts Lucas visibly deflates. 

He is far too tired and achy to want to attempt looking decent. But he also knows he is going to have to beg Gabriel for the pastries and coffee and Lucas better haul ass to get himself ready. 

 

He looks down at himself. He was still wearing the tan jacket and his clothing from yesterday. He does a sniff test and realizes how awful he smells. 

Shower first.

Then he’ll dress and maybe make his hair do something. 

It takes him 15 minutes tops. He forgoes putting the jacket back on and instead places it gently on his bed near his pillow. He swears he is not a creep. 

He completes his outfit with an oversize scarf and faces the world head on even when he doesn’t feel ready. 

That’s why Lucas finds himself, sprawled over the counter of the Jumping Bean, hands clasped together begging Gabriel to call in Simon to take over the shop while the other helps him bring the pastries and coffee to the park. 

“Please! You haven’t met Daphne yet. She’ll kill me if I don’t show up soon.” When Lucas’s phone dings, he pauses in his begging. 

“Wait...h-hold on I bet this is her.” 

It was. Lucas turns the phone to show Gabriel. 

_I’m going to KILL you LUCAS Lallemant!_

“See! See, what did I tell you.” 

All through his begging, Gabriel stands arms crossed over his waist, stone faced.  
When he reads the text with his green eyes, a small smirk graces his lips and Lucas thinks for a second he is making headway. 

“I think I’ll need to hire someone new if she kills you.” Gabriel stares at the other and cocks his eyebrow. “Know of anyone who is a hard worker?” The smile on Lucas’s face falls causing Gabriel to chuckle. 

“Joking. I’ll get Simon in. Go load the pastries and coffee into my car.” He reaches into his back pocket and tosses Lucas his keys. 

Lucas stands there for a second and does a dance of victory. Gabriel rolls his eyes at the sound of his keys jingling. 

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” 

It takes Simon 5 minutes to get to the shop. He looks a tad bit grumpy but says little to the both of them. Gabriel lets him know that he’ll be back at the shop in no less than an hour, to which he shrugs and nods. 

The drive to the park takes 7 minutes. When they are close, Lucas texts the girls and asks them to come help him unload. 

“Fuck Lucas, thought you bailed on us.” Alexia shouts at him as she approaches the car. Gabriel steps out of his car and unlocks the door, he smiles and nods in acknowledgment of those who came bounding over to them. When the taller blonde looks away, Lucas catches Emma’s eyes which are wide. 

She looks incredulous. Even Daphne’s mouth is slightly agape at the older man in their presence

Emma mouths, _“Is he single”_ and Lucas has to cover his mouth to stifle his giggles. He wants to tell the others to back off. 

Instead he nods his head and mouths back. _“Gay”_

He takes pleasure in watching her deflate. 

They make quick on unloading the car and Gabriel takes a moment help them spread out the goods. There is a small amount of people milling around enjoying the afternoon sun. Some linger by the picnic tables filled with snacks and others stand on the open green kicking back and forth a soccer ball. He recognizes Basile’s curly hair and Arthur’s gangly form.  
He takes note of those who sit on a blanket, their bodies laid out, book in hand.  
It was a good idea, Lucas thinks. Everyone seems to be having fun. 

He follows Basile who runs around kicking the ball with Arthur. When his friends catch sight of him, they both stop and wave before continuing their match. Yann sits off to the side legs stretched out in front of him, his head is turned and he is talking to Chloe. 

Lucas breaks out into a big smile. He stands behind the coffee table. 

Manon is arranging the danishes and croissants and when she lets out a sigh of contentment Lucas turns to look at her. 

She smiles and shrugs her shoulder. “Daphne sure has some crazy ideas sometimes.” Lucas is about to respond when he feels a hand on his shoulders. 

His head turns and he looks down at the hand. They’re rough and pulse with a strength that he has seen put to use many times before. Lucas looks for the details. 

He looks at the tiny hairs that dust his knuckles. He looks for the subtle lines that are etched into his skin. He thinks that Gabriels’ hands are the perfect balance of quiet strength and delicate artistry. 

“Are you guys good?” When Lucas looks up he breaks out into a smile that morphs his face.  
His mouth opens wide and he views Gabriel through small half moon slits. 

“Ah, yes...couldn’t have done it without you though.”

Gabriel nods, he pats Lucas twice on the shoulder. When he turns he acknowledges Manon and leaves without saying much. 

When Lucas looks at Manon he notices the slight blush on her face. She shoves at him when she notices that he is watching her. 

“What? He is a very good looking man, you’ve been hiding him or something.”

Lucas shakes his head. He hasn’t been. He’s just never thought to interact with the other, who was only 5 years older than Lucas, outside of their job. 

He always got a sense that the other preferred to keep to himself. 

“I think he likes you.” 

“What? N-no.” Lucas shakes his head in disbelief. He feels himself blush when Manon laughs at him.  
“Oh no I do. He left the shop to help a bunch of college kids set up for a silly little picnic. “She bites into a croissant and hey eyes roll. “At your request no less. Just saying.”

“What were you just saying?” 

Lucas is left stammering when Emma and Daphne walk up to the table. Daphne takes a danish and her eyes bounce between Manon who laughs freely and Lucas who is currently using his scarf to hide his red face. 

“Oh, we were just talking about how Lucas’ boss probably has the hots for him.” 

“Shut up!” Lucas’ muffled shout does little to stop Daphne from jumping up in excitement. 

“OH my god I totally see it!” 

“Wouldn't that be totally cute?” Emma shoots Lucas a suggestive look. Lucas looks away from her and shakes his head vigorously. When he tries to hide his face further, Emma reaches for his scarf and pulls at it, without much effort it falls away and Lucas struggles to grab it from its fall when their gasps ring in the afternoon air for everyone around to hear. 

“No way!” 

“Lucas!” 

“Was it Gabriel?” 

“He does like you doesn’t he?” 

There is a litany of shouts of questions and squeals and Lucas thinks he might burn up from the heat that consumes him. He thinks, if he listens close enough he can hear their inner screams. But just like that the noise dies, sliding slowly into an awkward silence. 

When Lucas dares to look up, the girls have their eyes on the newcomer. Their eyes still alight and smiles still on their faces but he senses their hesitance. 

“Is this where the party is?” The deep voice rings and it's a beautiful sound that simultaneously lifts and drops Lucas right where he stands. He doesn’t dare to look up. “Who likes who?” 

Daphne raises a hand to greet Eliott but looks around him to smile at Lucille who hangs behind. The other girl steps forward and kisses Daphne in greeting. 

“Hey Lucille…” is her quiet greeting back.

Lucas thinks for a second that no one is going to answer the tall boy’s question but of course Emma takes the chance. Her eyes bore into Lucas and his eyes begged her not to. She ignores the silent request. 

“We were talking about Lucas’ boss. We think he likes Lucas. Which would be cool, because they would look hot as hell together.” 

“Mm...he probably thinks about bending Lucas over the counter and having his way with him.” 

Lucas shoots a disbelieving look at Manon who chirps in. The girl shrugs and her eyes are challenging when they meet his. 

“Is that right?” 

There is something in the way the other says it that makes Lucas look up. 

Those stormy eyes carry a look that Lucas can’t pin down. 

“We were just asking if it was him that put those marks on our baby.” 

When Eliott smirks and tilts his head, eyes glued on Lucas, the other boy stands his ground and refuses to look away. 

He fights the urge to turn and run. 

“Was it?”

“Eliott...stop.” It’s Lucille’s soft tug on the his arm that causes Eliott to break the stare first. He smiles down at Lucille.

“I’m just curious. He doesn’t need to tell if he really doesn’t want to. It’s just fun and games, babe.”

Babe. _Babe._

Feeling bold Lucas chuckles. “Ah, I mean, it was only last night and you don’t remember?” 

The whiplash he thinks Eliott suffers when his head turns to look at him, has Lucas feeling just the tad bit satisfied with himself. The high doesn’t last. 

He can ignore Daphne’s mouth drop. He can keep his eyes from straying to the way Manon gapes at him, mouth opening and closing. But he can’t unhear the sharp intake of breath from Lucille who looks like she is going to cry. 

And he _feels_ for her. He understands on a deeper level how much she is falling apart at the seams with such a simple statement. And _fuck_ , he pulls back. He takes his words and swallows them. He backs down. Lucas runs away metaphorically just so he doesn’t have to face the utter devastation that was bound to show up on that crestfallen face. 

He looks away and towards the girls. When he laughs it comes naturally to his surprise. “Joking. I’m joking guys.” He wraps the scarf back around his neck and hides his marks from the world. “I was out last night at the bar. It was a silly hookup, nothing serious.”

“Wow. Scandalous!” It’s Manon. Manon who doesn’t sound convinced and her voice is too high pitched. Too bad for the girl but Lucas is very good at ignoring what he doesn’t want to acknowledge.

Like how he pretends he doesn’t see the frown on Eliott’s face. It’s a disgusting mark that Lucas wants to kiss away. It didn’t belong. But he doesn’t allow himself any hope. It means nothing. 

“Ah but, maybe you girls are on to something, should I invite Gabriel to our next party?” He stuffs his hands into the pocket of his coat jacket and clenches his fist to hide the shaking. He does allow himself to stray from his mental script. A moment of weakness. “Maybe it’s time to settle down and get me a nice man to take care of me.”

He wiggles his eyebrows and Emma smirks at him. “I dunno Lulu, I don’t like the idea of relationships. Think of all the boys who would miss out if you're no longer on the market.”

“Well then someone needs to come and sweep me off my feet. I think I’m ready.” He thinks he hears Eliott take a deep breathe. He’s not sure.

Lucas pretends to swoon and he throws his hand on his heart before leaning heavily against Manon, who in all her irritability pushes him off her with a laugh. 

“Ladies, Eliott. I am needed else now! So enjoy yourselves and have a croissant.” He grabs one of his own, salutes the others and turns to walk away. He doesn’t know where he is headed but he knows he needs to get away. When he is out of ear shot, he lets his fake bravado slip away. 

He toys with the idea. Inviting Gabriel to their next party. He knows that Gabriel isn’t interested in him. If anything they were just friends, or like big brother and little brother. Plus he wouldn’t want to ruin the dynamic they have at work. The last thing he would want to do is look for another job. 

But Lucas wants something serious. And he knows Gabriel would be a serious lover. He knows he shouldn’t try to hook up with Eliott again, regardless of what Lucas thinks he wants. He doesn’t trust himself not to though. Lucas thinks, if he doesn’t get into a relationship pronto, he was going to break all over again. 

“Lucas, my man!” 

The shout pulls Lucas from his thoughts and when he looks, he sees Idriss, Imane, and Sofiane sitting underneath a large tree, he looks back behind him and sees Eliott and the girls far behind him. They had they hands thrown up, Emma leaning on Daphne as she laughed. He is glad to see the awkwardness was gone. 

When he turns back around he smiles at the other three, face slightly red. He hasn’t seen Idriss since Daphne’s party and he doesn’t remember everything that happened. 

He answers Idriss fist with a soft bump and does the same when he comes to Sofiane. 

“Hey man.”

Sofiane Sits with his legs stretched out in front of him and crossed at the ankle. Lucas has only met him a handful of times and he wasn’t sure if the other boy was at the last party. His bright eyes and smile are welcoming and Lucas sits down and allows himself to relax a bit. 

Imane places her hands gently on his shoulders in greeting. 

“Everything good?” 

Lucas nods. “Yeah. Everything’s cool. You guys enjoying yourself?” 

“It’s great, Daphne out did herself.” Sofiane answers, his voice is soft. When he speaks Lucas can see how his voice beckons Imane to turn and look at him. It’s the softest he has seen his friend look at anyone. 

“Mm, yeah, she did. There’s snacks over by that table if you want any.” When he looks he sees Eliott and Lucille waving bye to his girls and they look to be heading his way. 

“Yah, saw you standing over there with our boy Eliott. Since when have the two of you been hanging?”

Lucas looks at Idriss. There’s no judgement and no accusation in his eyes. It was a simple question and Lucas finds himself shrugging. 

Imane looks at him, there is a sadness that translates in her look and Lucas swallows hard. 

“I mean we’ve only hung out a couple of times. But not really.” 

“He’s a good dude” Idriss says, Sofiane doesn’t look but he gives a solemn nod. 

“Mm, I’m sure he is.” Lucas smiles and shakes his head. He clears his throat. “Uh, is that his girl? I’ve seen her a couple of times. Lucille right?” Lucas ignores Imane’s pointed stare. 

Yes. He was fishing for information. Yes he should feel ashamed. No he was not going to stop. 

“Who Lucille? Nah, Eliott doesn’t get tied down. They’re friends and our boy indulges her.” 

Lucas can see that Idriss has locked onto something behind him. He leans back on his arms, fingers crushing the green grass beneath him. He takes the change in position to confirm that Idriss is staring at Eliott, who was still making his way closer to them. 

“They used to date. Eliott didn’t see it going anywhere after five years of trying. But Lucille hasn’t let go and told him she’d take anything that he’d offered.” Idriss shrugs his shoulders. “He does care for her though, they were very close friends once.”

“Idriss” Imane smacks her brothers arm lightly. “Don’t you think you’ve said enough?” 

At that Idriss chuckles. “Alright, mother…” Sofiane chuckles and Imane smacks at him as well. 

“Stop encouraging him.” 

Lucas hums his acknowledgment but doesn’t speak. Instead, when he hears footsteps behind him, Lucas makes to stand up. He brushes the dirt off his backside. He doesn’t turn around and instead excuses himself. 

“Well, I do have to get going, Imane, Idriss. Sofiane, nice to finally talk to you.” He smiles at them and continues moving away. He heads closer to the green patch of grass that the boys use to play soccer. Choosing to sit on a bench that overlooks the small patch. 

Lucas sits and he feels loneliness sit beside him, a silent companion. Lucas thinks at this point he has mastered the art of falling. His only problem is that there is no one there to catch him. But Lucas knows he is falling willingly. He risks it all.

He closes his eyes and leans his head back, basking in the sun. The light is a small comfort. When he feels the bench shift slightly, Lucas frowns but he keeps his eyes closed not ready to face whoever it was. 

He has a feeling he knows who it is. 

It starts a quiet buzzing noise at first. Then, he is able to pick out the beats when the sound comes closer to his ears. When the ear bud touches him, Lucas flinches slightly and he cracks his eyes. 

When he looks, he brain short-circuits. He takes a mental picture of the sight. Eliott sitting, a smile bright on his lips, and his eyes crinkled in half moons from silent laughter. He is bathed in a halo of sunlight and its as if Lucas forgets everything. 

When Eliott chuckles, Lucas listens closer to the music. Dubstep. _Dubstep_. 

“Is this dubstep?” Eliott nods and Lucas does all that he can to remember he needs to act like a human. 

And in this particular moment he is a human that has to somehow convince the other that Dubstep was not a respectable choice of music to listen to. 

Lucas can’t seem to find his voice though and he doesn’t know why but he lets the music continue to assault his ears. 

“Not a fan?”

Lucas cocks a brow at the question. God no, he wants to answer. But something in his silence speaks for him and Eliott throws his head back and laughs. 

The older boy removes the earbuds and Lucas mourns the loss of connection. 

“And what do you listen to then?” 

The question throws him off guard. Lucas shrugs his shoulders, his blue eyes look out at the now empty field. His friends went somewhere in the short time that he was assaulted with the enigma that is Eliott. 

“I dunno, uh. Let me see, The Clash, Nirvana…” Lucas mumbles and trails off. He’s not afraid to share but he’s _afraid_ to open up. 

“Why am I not surprised?”

The statement was just that, a statement. But Lucas still feels like he is baring his soul, talking about his musical preference and he acknowledges that what he feels makes so little sense. 

Lucas bites his lower lip and runs his fingers through his hair. Eliott makes him nervous. The other boy makes him question everything about himself. 

He can’t explain why. 

“Well I am very surprised by your choice in… can I even call it music?” Lucas shoots a side glance at the other boy who falls into a fit of laughter again. 

When Eliott abruptly stands Lucas thinks he said something wrong. He thinks, that this will surely be the last time he will open his mouth and allow words to come out. 

Eliott takes a couple of steps away from the bench, back still turned towards Lucas, and Lucas’s baby blues take in the sight. He feels like Eliott is that sip of water and Lucas has been dying of thirst this entire time. He wants to take him in and never let him go as the boy stands there. Blue jeans cut off at the ankle with combat boots that cover his feet. A black hoodie hugs his frame and through the filter of light, Lucas finds his ruffled chestnut hair to be breathtaking. 

For a moment, Lucas thinks Eliott might as well be his sun. And when Eliott turns towards him all smiles and joy present, it cements his thoughts. 

Eliott stretches and continues to move so that he is walking away backwards, he says, “You coming?” 

And Lucas does. He gets up, against all better judgement he catches up to the other boy. 

They walk in silence, farther away from their friends, and Lucas has a moment where he remembers just mere hours ago Eliott walked him home in the quiet of the night. The feeling was the same only he didn’t have the weight of the the others arm on his shoulders. 

They pass students strolling casually through the park, distracted by their phones. The occasional mother power walking while pushing a stroller disrupts the quiet. 

He can’t stand the quiet now. Not in the presence of the other at least. Normally he was fine on his own. But Eliott has introduced him to a world of sounds. And he wants to be surrounded by that, everyday if he could. 

When they stop, they stand in the center of a thicket of trees. It’s not hidden but it was a spot one would need to actively search out to end up at. 

Eliott forgoes the bench and sits down on the ground beneath a tree. 

It has big leaves,and drooping branches that are gnarled and rough. He stays there in the light for a bit watching but when Eliott looks up from his spot in the shade, eyes inviting Lucas to step closer, the shorter boy shivers. 

The decision is taken from him when his feet move on their accord and he is there, in front of Eliott, looming with his small stature. 

Eliott holds up his arm and when Lucas tentatively takes the other’s hand in his own, his breathing speeds up. He is pulled suddenly and lands on his knees, on hand out to catch his fall on the ground, his right hand still in Eliotts hold.

When Lucas looks up he sits only inches from Eliott’s face. 

Lucas has never used his eyes more in his lifetime than he has since he has met Eliott. At this moment his eyes move a mile a minute taking in every imperfection that he can see. He is up close and personal and he is loving it. 

Eliott looks tired. His bags are noticeable, the skin darkened by what Lucas can only assume is a lack of sleep. It does little to detract from his wonder. 

“Hi.” Lucas wants to slap himself for breaking the quiet that enveloped them. 

Eliott isn’t bothered. He smiles and reaches to run his fingers through Lucas’ hair. “Hi.” He says, laughter dancing in his voice. 

It is Lucas who breaks first, a smile that he can’t hold back and quiet laughter echoes in their private clearing. 

Lucas lets himself move, he releases the hand begrudgingly but turns his body so his legs are draped over Eliott’s but he sits firmly on the ground. 

Their thighs are touching gently from his position. 

He looks around and feels a calm settle inside him. “What is this place?” 

“Hm?” Eliott has his head leaning against the trunk of the tree eyes looking up at something. “I come here when I’m looking for some peace.” He shrugs. “Not many people come here so it’s nice. Sometimes I take my sketchbook here and get lost. ” He looks down, eyes landing on Lucas’ bent knees. 

His fingers settle on Lucas’ knees and the pointer and middle finger slow walk up and down his legs. When he reaches his ankles Lucas visibly jumps as Eliott grips his ankle, he runs his hands on the jean clad legs before resting his palm on Lucas’ thigh. 

Lucas can’t get the sight out of his mind and he thinks, it might as well have been the most sensual thing he has ever seen but...he’s seen Eliott naked. There isn’t a better sight to compare. 

He blushes at the thought. 

"What are you thinking about?"

Lucas comes back and sees that Eliott has moved his face closer. He's ducked his head so that the both of them are staring into each others eyes. 

"...You." Lucas, says. And it seems to be an invitation. 

Eliott leans up and closes the gap between them. The kiss is soft. Sweet. Gentle and it is everything that Lucas is feeling in the moment. Sitting so close to Eliott surrounded by trees with the barest of light filtering through. 

The kiss is in every sense, perfection. When Lucas leans forward, into the other to deepen the kiss, Eliott welcomes him. He reaches to pull Lucas in and he comes willingly. He straddles his thighs, hands coming up to tangle in his soft locks. 

When he pulls away for air, Lucas chest is heaving, and Eliott is in no better shape. His eyes have darkened with desire. The older boy brings his fingers to trace and play with the reddened lips.

Lucas' breathing picks up, he doesn't break eye contact when he draws the finger into his mouth. He uses his tongue and teeth to trace lines, to familiarize, to mark up Eliott's finger as his. 

He showers him with love as he continues to suck on the appendages, eyes closing and feeling like he is on cloud nine. When Eliott hooks his finger, Lucas moans at the pressure pulling in his mouth. The finger catches on his teeth but it doesn't try hard to get away. 

Eliott doesn't touch him anywhere else. He doesn't need to. 

Every little moan, every gasp, the hitching of his breathe stirs something in Eliott. Before he can blink, Eliott has has hands gripping the back of his thighs and he’s standing. Lucas can feel the strength in his grip, and he gasps at the way those muscles tense but bare his weight with ease. 

His back is pushed against the tree, having been flipped. He wraps his legs around the taller boys waist and relishes in the delicious weight of the body that bares down on him and holds him up. 

When Eliott reaches to pull the scarf away Lucas aids him. He wants to feel those lips devour him again. And again and again.

Eliott bends and licks and sucks his way from Lucas’s collar bone to his jawline. The slight pain and sensitivity has Lucas hissing. 

He feels more than he hears Eliott chuckle. The vibrations waking him from his haze. 

“You're beautiful.” Eliott nips at his jaw before dipping back down to pepper his neck, with tap kisses. “You know...I wasn’t going to deny it.”

And like that Lucas feels himself crashing down from the clouds. He isn’t prepared for the impact. 

“Wait, wait.” He is frantic as he pushes the other away. “I...I can’t do this.” He sounds so unsure of himself because he thinks maybe he can do this. But then he sees Lucille in his thoughts. Sees her smiling up at Eliott and he sees Eliott holding her hands. Not pushing her away. Eliott wasn’t his. 

Idriss’ voice echoes in his head. 

_Nah, Eliott doesn’t get tied down._

“What?” Eliott looks at him confused. 

“I..I” Lucas swallows hard. He wants to wait until his heartbeat slows to talk but he thinks if he did, he would never say what he needed to say. And he knew he had to. 

“I can’t do casual…” He doesn’t dare to look into his eyes. “Back there. I wasn’t lying. I need someone who wants to b-be with me.” He talks past the lump in his throat. “I w-want more.” _With you..._

When Eliott doesn’t speak, Lucas feels that odd comfort he felt earlier become constricting. That quiet makes his mind race and he thinks the worst. 

He feels Eliott’s grip loosen and Lucas plants his feet on the ground. He would give anything to feel like he was floating again. Instead he stares ahead as Eliott drops his forehead on his shoulders. 

Defeat. Lucas wants to wrap his arms around Eliott, take back his words and scream _“I was joking!”_

But he doesn’t and he waits with dread. 

“I like you. A lot.” Eliott’s voice is soft and Lucas strains to hear it. “But I don’t do relationships.” 

When he looks up, there must have been something he saw on Lucas’ face because he smiles gently and his hand comes up to cup at Lucas’ face. His thumb runs soothingly over his cheeks. All the sadness Eliott feels is conveyed in that one touch.

“O-okay.” Lucas stutters out. But he makes no move to get away. 

“Do you think…” Eliott starts off slow. His eyes lock with Lucas'.“That in another life, at a different time...Somewhere, things would line up perfectly and we would be together, the way you want us to be?” He sounds wistful, sounds like he wants it just as much as Lucas does. But something is holding him back. 

Lucas doesn’t use his voice but he responds by nodding. He thinks he is about to cry. The floodgates are about to open but he feels rooted. And yet, nothing happens. 

“I’m sorry.” 

Eliott apologizes and it is just too real. Lucas has to blink rapidly and look away. It takes everything for him to let go of the other and gather himself. 

“Don’t be stupid.” He chuckles and cranes his head back his eyes getting lost in the treetops where light barely shines through, with leaves so thick. “We can still be friends silly.” He shrugs nonchalantly. “Nothing to apologize for.” 

Eliott doesn’t believe him. But he doesn’t call him out on his bullshit. Instead Eliott steps back into Lucas’ space and presses a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth. 

“Come find me when you’re down for some fun.” 

He fixes his eyes on Eliott's mouth and quickly nods. When the older boy moves away and turns, Lucas waits until he doesn’t see the other’s back anymore. He waits until he can’t hear the echoes of his footsteps before he turns and swiftly kicks the tree. 

He feels a broken anger course through him and he lashes out at the rough bark, feeling his skin break under the rough assault. He feels so stupid. 

He is surprised he doesn’t cry. So when he calms down Lucas heads out. He takes the long way and avoids having to say bye to his friends. 

When he gets to the apartment he doesn’t know what to do with himself. So he orders food. He changes his clothes. Lucas thinks, it’s about time he cleans his room. Maybe do some homework so he doesn’t fail his courses this semester. He tries to think of anything but what happened. 

It doesn’t work. Because he keeps thinking of it. It plays over and over in his head. 

When he settles into bed, he ignores how he uses the jacket as his security blanket. He pulls out his phone and sends a text to Imane. 

_**I'm not the one.** _

Her reply is instantaneous. 

_**Oh Lucas...I’m so sorry.** _

It doesn’t make him feel any better.


	6. Interlude

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> From the gangly prepubescent body that was uniquely his, Eliott watered it, bathed in the sun and nurtured himself to develop into someone he could be proud of.

Eliott Demaury was a magnet. It didn’t take long for one to be drawn into his gravitational pull. Since his younger years, Eliott has been surrounded. By friends, family, and enemies alike. Wherever he went, he was easily the center of attention. 

From the gangly prepubescent body that was uniquely his, Eliott watered it, bathed in the sun and nurtured himself to develop into someone he could be proud of. 

But he wasn’t. Proud that is. He struggled day in and day out. In his high school years, despite the support and love showered on him, Eliott wilted under the invisible pressure. An unseen monster. 

There were days when he hid. He hid from everyone and everything. He hid from himself until he was ready to face the world. He couldn’t see pass the veil of darkness that broke up his sun. 

He leaned on noone. 

Some days it was easier than others. When he felt ready he faced the day head on. He joked, he laughed, he was a dork in all senses. He embraced every flaw.

He had trouble, sometimes, keeping his days straight. Knowing when he would feel the high or getting himself ready for the crash. 

When he met Lucille for the first time, Eliott was not seeing straight. He stumbled through in a haze consumed by his own thoughts. He struggled to find a way out. 

He found it strange but when he first sees her, his thoughts clear up. He sat a bit straighter at the back of the bus, his blue eyes sharpen and she is the only thing he saw. 

She sat with her shapely legs hanging in the aisle. A delicate hand gripped the metal back of her chair. Brunette hair a smidge messy and Eliott thinks she is more than a little pretty. Maybe in all of his glory as a highschool sophomore, Eliott thinks it is love at first. 

When she turned to look at the back of the bus, her cheeks colored as she caught Eliott staring. Instead of shying away like most, Lucille smiled and Eliott is stunned. It was eye-catching, it was beautiful and Eliott feels like his sun is peeking through just a bit. A low light that burns. 

Eliott learned very quickly that she was forward. She knew what she wanted and didn’t shy away from asking for it. 

It was Lucille who starts it up. Three years of what Eliott deemed perfection. 

They grew close, did everything together. He ran and laughed in the rain with her. Danced with their shadows well into the night. Wined and dined on the cheap dinners that the spare change in their pockets could afford. 

She consumed his world. And he dotted on her with all the love that he could muster. Willingly. She tells him that he is the one. That she couldn’t imagine what it would be like without him. That he was the first and only one to put her first, always. 

The first time Eliott hits his high, and they are together he can relive her reaction like a silent film. He thought back then, maybe this is when things got shaky and instead of taking the signs for what they were, Eliott turned a blind eye. 

She stares on, eyes blank, mouth slightly open. She doesn’t know how to react. He doesn’t blame her. For a couple of days after, she remained distant. Her smile was present, actions insync with his but he could tell she was thinking.There but not there. 

Then his low hit. And he thinks, this shook them. He was irritable and she wanted in. She wanted him to forcefully open up and be the person she met. Be the Eliott she fell in love with.

Instead he pushed her away. He felt betrayed that she could not handle him as he was. He didn’t want to be something else. They fought. And when they fought it was harsh words and anger that burnt the air around them. It was devastation. 

It was honest. But the honesty didn’t last. Their fight had him storming away from everything. He ran to Sofiane and Idriss. 

The two of them knew what to expect. Knew what to do when he became volatile. The two who walked with him every step of the way as children and discovered the life that he would lead and still did not run from him. They were always there. 

Eliott remembers, he spent three nights at Idriss’ house, two days he spent sleeping or curled up underneath a blanket refusing to come out unless it was use the bathroom. At night, Eliott came out and watched as Idriss would help his younger sister with the math homework and when it camet English, Imane begged for his help. Which Eliott did with a smile. 

That was how Lucille found him on the third night, surrounded by his friends, sitting on the floor of Idriss’ living room working on middle school English. 

Something in the way Lucille looked at him that night left a bitter taste in his mouth. They took a walk. Talked it through. 

She asked if he got like this often. If this was something she should be expecting at any turn. 

He didn’t want her to expect it. Didn’t want her to think that he could just turn a switch and it was there. But he didn’t say any of this. Instead he nodded. 

She stopped there, in the middle of the streets, in the lamp light her eyes red from crying and told him that she would figure it out. She would learn what she needed to do and they would be okay. 

He could rely on her. 

But that was their problem. She made it so it was only her that he relied on. Made it so when he wasn’t himself, he sought her out. When he was off, he would need her support. When he was on, it was only her he spent time with. 

Eliott shredded the world around him and rebuilt it to consist of Lucille. His focus was on her and her alone. In the wake of everything it took two more years for him to realize he lost who he was. 

He had broken up with her at least twice by the third or fourth year of the relationship. When he realized it was more of a chore, that he stopped enjoying the way she spoke to him. That it felt like she was obligated to care for him instead of wanting to. 

But both times she cried, she broke down and wore down his resolve. She would have him relive their best and think about how he could make it work. She would convince him that he wasn’t being himself and he didn’t mean what he said. 

“How could you be so cruel…? I know this isn’t you talking.”

And he would believe her. 

It wasn’t until he found himself wandering to Idriss during his first year at uni. He walked towards the other boy’s home. And when he knocked, It was Imane who answered. The excitement in her eyes was clear as she stepped to hug him before pulling him in. 

“Sofiane and Idriss are up stairs in his room.” She said. “It’s so good to see you… You haven’t been around for so long.” She gushes. 

And Eliott is surprised. He didn’t think he kept away but when he thought about it, he had shut everyone but Lucille out of his life. He felt it was necessary, that really one person caring for him was enough. That his burden shouldn’t be for others to shoulder. 

When he comes face to face with his friends he feels an overwhelming sense of guilt. They welcome him but he can’t shake the feeling of being a stranger. 

Sofiane spoke first, quietly. “Things haven’t been the same since she came in the picture.” He chances a look at Eliott. “If you were happy that would be another story, but you’ve changed.”

“What he means to say, is where have you been Eliott.” Idriss cuts in for the shorter brunette who nods solemnly. 

Eliott has a feeling that they weren’t really asking where he has been. They want to know what happened to their friend. 

That night he calls up Lucille. With his mind cleared, with his thoughts in order and emotions under control. He broke up with her. 

He took her crying, her yelling and screaming, he took her silence in stride. But his resolve never broke. He swore off relationships. He gave all of himself and he loved with his whole being. 

Maybe Lucille was the wrong one to love, he knew she did only the best that she had in her, but Eliott never wanted to give himself away like that again. He never wanted to lose what he tried so hard to build and create and accept. 

He met with his friends and rediscovered who he was when separate from Lucille. He fooled around but kept himself closed. He enjoyed his no strings attached and felt better. When he felt his highs, he went back to the way he handled it. Not so well but he survived. With his lows he hid again. During those times, he missed the comfort and effort of Lucille in coaxing him out and back to his regular self. But he made due. 

It was a month or two after they parted that Lucille called and Eliott agreed to meet up. Maybe it was a lingering attachment he felt, the experience they had that made Eliott give in. She looked as if she had lost sleep, she stopped eating. 

Maybe, it was the fact that Lucille looked like a shell of her former self that made Eliott take pause and give into her request. 

As she wiped away her tears, Lucille begged him to understand. “I...you’ve ruined me for everyone else.” And she lets out an empty laugh. 

“I can’t stop thinking about what we had...and I just,” She held her breath for a second, blinked her eyes rapidly and looked anywhere but at Eliott. “I’ll take anything you have to offer.” 

When Eliott nods, he doesn’t promise her himself. When he pulls her into a hug, he knew she was resigned. He was done with relationship, he never wanted to cause this type of pain for anyone ever again.

Eliott Demaury was a magnet. He isn’t sure if this is a good thing. 

It took him a long time to find who he was with and without Lucille. It didn’t come easy. He had to grow into himself. Had to discover what worked and what didn’t before he decided. He liked who he was flaws and all. Regardless of what others think. He wasn’t going to let anyone decide that for him anymore. 

So when Eliott is dragged to a first years party by Idriss he questions the other. 

Why were they, third years, indulging them with their presence?

“Ah, Eli, buddy, old pal. We are there for the free booze, which I know there will be a lot of for a fact... and the music... and dancing... and weed.”

And when he shows up there were lots of bodies grinding, dancing, smoke filled the air, and alcohol filled the counters in the kitchen. 

Idriss was not kidding.

He finds himself a small little corner. Lucille finds him and he smiles at her. She is something familiar and he doesn’t mind familiar in an unfamiliar place. 

When he looks out at the party, he catches a glimpse of messy hair and bright blue eyes. He follows them through the crowd and for a second Eliott feels a steady stream of color bleed into his life. 

He watches for a while, as the boy with wild hair and beautiful blue eyes fool around with his friends. He takes in every smile and he can imagine over the loud music he might have heard the laughter that shook his small frame. 

When he catches Idriss’ attention, he points with his chin and asks if the other knows anything about him. 

To his surprise Idriss looks back at him serious. The smile gone from his face, and he states, an edge in his voice. 

“Ah, Lucas Lallemant. Don’t fuck with him, dude.” He shakes his head. “I got a soft spot for the kid. He’s friends with Imane.” Idriss shrugs and looks over to Lucas and his friend. When he looks back to Eliott there is wry smile on his face. 

“He’s old enough to know what he wants but still.” Idriss states, “Just don’t mess around if he doesn’t want it.”

Before Eliott can respond, Idriss pats him on the shoulder and walks away. 

That should have been his first warning. He should have thought things through before approaching him. 

Maybe if he had, he wouldn’t be sitting here, surrounded by drunk first years, trying to control his urge to kill a certain blonde haired, green-eyed barista who has yet to leave the closet he entered with Lucas more than 7 minutes ago.


	7. To Stop the Trembling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The taller boy looks around and Gabriel looks back at him from his place near the counter. Gabriel doesn't shy away from the anger clear on his face. Yann turns and sees Eliott staring at them, frown in place and earbuds in his hands. Clearly he took them out to listen. If he wasn’t so focused on his need to talk to Lucas, Yann might have asked what the fuck was going on there.
> 
> The tension was palpable.
> 
> But when Yann shifts his eyes back to Lucas, his gaze softens. Lucas was shaking lightly and his eyes glassy. 
> 
> "Not here." Is his quiet whisper, and Yann nods.

“Do you want to come with me tomorrow to visit mama?” Lucas throws out the question while Yann is in the middle of studying for a mathematics test he has coming up in the next couple of days. 

It’s a Monday and they’re both sat at their kitchen island, work spread out in front of them. Arthur is spread out on the love seat, a book in one hand his other tapping away at his phone. 

Lucas has no idea where Bas is. He doesn’t question the absence of the curly haired boy, sure that he was somewhere in the apartment. 

They are all catching up on schoolwork, having let it slip in the process of having fun. Lucas denies the fact that he is studying more so to distract himself from the events of his past weekend. He tries hard not to think about it. And he’s been doing a great job. 

He looks and sees that Yann is mouthing out the equation, pencil working a mile a minute. So when he doesn’t answer immediately, Lucas nervously toys with the pencil in his hand twirling it between his fingers. 

He doesn’t want to push so he pulls back a bit. “Ah… I mean only if you’re free. No pressure.”

Yann pauses in his writing. He looks up and runs his hand down his face. Lucas thinks he looks tired but he doesn’t comment. 

“Shit.. Lulu, I’ve got plans tomorrow with Chloe.” 

Lucas shakes his head at Yann, smile on his face. He didn’t dare show any disappointment. “No, it’s cool. This was last minute.” 

Yann isn’t reassured and Lucas laughs. “I promise. It’s fine. Maybe I’ll see if Arthur or Bas will come. I’m sure mama would love to meet them.” He rolls his eyes at his best friend’s exasperated sigh. 

“But mama Lallemant is mine.” 

“Shut up.” He pushes at the other’s shoulders when Yann laughs. When Lucas turns to look at Arthur the other boy has a frown on his face. 

“Sorry Lucas, me and Alexia were planning on studying together. I can cancel if you want me too though? You know, she’d understand…”

Lucas shakes his head. “No, no that’s okay. Next time. That leaves Basile and we all know he will be free.”

“Ah, that hurts man, what if I was doing something with Daphne?” Basile shouts as he wanders out from his room, carrying his phone in one hand and an empty plate in the other. The corner of his mouth is stained a mysterious orange.

When Lucas gives him a pointed look, Basile sticks out his tongue. “Alright, point taken. What if I was studying?” 

Lucas giggles at the statement causing Basile to break out into smile. “Okay, you’ve got me there. Yeah, I’ll go….where am I going?” 

“With me to visit mama Lallemant.”

“Oh shit, yeah I’m down. Totally.” 

“Okay, cool.” 

Lucas wants to surprise his mother so he doesn’t text and he doesn’t make an appointment. He’s done this before and Lucas smiles at the memory of how happy she is when she sees him. 

He doesn’t feel apprehension at the thought of her meeting Basile. He thinks the two of them will get along great and he feels light at the thought of Bas talking with his mother. He knows the other boy, in all his high energy and spectacular way of functioning, is capable of being one of the kindest human beings to exist in Lucas’ life. 

Lucas looks forward to his Tuesday afternoon. 

“Mind if we stop by the Jumping Bean before we head to her? Grab her something nice.” 

“Only if you’re buying.” 

Lucas flips the other off. But of course he would. It was the least he could do. 

“Now I’m super jealous that Bas gets to chill with Mama Lallemant.” 

“Maybe next time I’ll introduce all my boys to her.” Lucas winks at the other two. 

Arthur rolls his eyes at the smaller brunette. 

“Alllll of your boys? What’s the deal with you and Eliott?” 

When Yann turns and shoots the blonde a look Arthur is quick to defend himself. 

“What? We were all thinking it? I just asked.” Arthur looks at Lucas, his blue eyes softening at the distress he sees settling on the baby face. “You disappeared Saturday, we didn’t see you Sunday and when we do see you today, your hand is all bruised up and you act like nothing happened.” 

“Maybe now isn’t the time to tal--”

“When is?” Arthur interrupts Bas before he finishes.

For a moment, the air in the apartment is heavy with silence. Lucas nervously looks between the three of them, mouth opening and closing without any sound. 

“Look…” Arthur sighs and throws his head back on the arm rest and looks up at the ceiling. He stays that way for a minute before quickly hauling himself up in a sitting position. “You haven’t been yourself for a while now. Not since you met that guy. I just want to know you’re going to be okay and that you can talk to us about anything.” He turns his eyes towards Lucas and whatever he sees makes him smile sadly at the other boy. _“Anything.”_

Maybe Lucas feels guilty for shutting his boys out. Maybe he feels the weight of what he is feeling and he needs to get it off his chest. Maybe Arthur is right. 

So when he starts, he can’t stop. His words flow freely. He tells them. He turned Eliott down but he didn’t want to. That he slept with him. That he might hate Lucille even though he knows she isn’t to blame. He hears himself say Eliott doesn’t want him. Not seriously. But he wants the other boy. That he thinks he might be falling. Falling fast. 

“And I don’t know what I’m doing….” He sounds small. 

“Fuck him.”

Lucas chuckles. “That’s my problem. I did.” 

Yann snorts. 

“What about that Gabriel guy, Alexia told me he has the hots for you.”

Lucas rubs the back of his neck and rolls his eyes. 

“No, we’re friends. He isn’t interested, the girls just like to fantasize.” He shrugs. “I don’t know maybe I’ll invite him to the next party. 

It’s Bas that breaks the uncomfortable air. He hops onto the counter and shouts excitedly. “This Friday night. How bout our place? Daphne had it last, we should host. And since we have all the booze still.”

“Alright but can we get back to studying first. Then plan this shit?” Yann huffs as he tries to go back to his math. He knocks his knees gently against Lucas’ but says nothing. 

When Arthur stands and comes close to Lucas, he uses his large hand to ruffle his already tousled hair. He leans and plants a soft kiss on Lucas’ forehead and walks away. 

“I have no idea what to do to fix this, but… things will fall into place.” Arthur fixes his glasses and shrugs throwing his hands into the air. “Somehow, Lulu. Somehow.”

Lucas feels loved. But he feels weary. He doubts their confidence in his situation. 

 

____________________

When Lucas orders his drink, he forgoes asking Simon. Simon does not like having to serve his coworker so he tells Lucas to hop the counter if he wants it. 

“You work here too, you know how to make your own drink dude.”

So Lucas seeks out Gabriel and asks with his hands clasped. He doesn’t need to but he feels his chances of getting free drinks are better when he smiles and begs. He doesn’t really expect free drinks though, he has fun with it.

He grabs himself a regular iced drip coffee, his mother a caramel latte, her favorite, and Bas mooches for his own triple mocha. He grabs a bag of croissants and a raspberry danish for himself. 

“Another gathering?” Gabriel asks, voice quiet but sharp. 

Lucas shakes his head even when he knows the other can’t see. 

“I’m visiting….my mother.” He doesn’t need to get into the fine details. He doesn’t plan on it. “Thought I’d get her a nice little something.”

Gabriel nods and when Lucas goes to pay, the blonde waves him off. Lucas insists but is waved off again. 

“Pick up a Wednesday shift instead?” 

Lucas bites his lips and reluctantly agrees. He still wins if he picks up a shift.

When Bas nudges him, Lucas turns towards the other boy and cocks his eyebrows at the way the Bas tilts his head at Gabriel, once and then twice. 

Lucas turns to look at Gabriel who raises his eyebrows in question watching the entire interaction play out before him. 

Lucas wants to teach Bas the art of subtlety. He knows the other boy needs it. 

Bas laughs loudly, claps Lucas on the shoulders and says, “My boy here wants to ask you something.”

Lucas blushes and stares exasperatedly at Bas. When he turns to face Gabriel he is fully aware there is a blush on his face and he chokes out his invitation. 

“Ah, we’re, uh,” He coughs. “We’re having a party at my apartment Friday night, and I was wondering if you’d….like to come.” He draws out the word ‘come’ and feels his lips smack together. He should have thought of the insinuation of his actions but Lucas is too busy overthinking Gabriel’s silence and Simons loud scoff from the back room. 

Gabriel doesn’t answer and instead he turns and leaves the other two with a quiet, “I’ll see you Wednesday.”

Lucas feels embarrassed so he grabs at Bas’ arm and tries to drag him out of the store. He wants to slap his hand over his friends mouth when Basile shouts out, “Great! So you’ll think about it?” 

They get to the bus stop and Lucas nearly whines his frustration.

“ _What_ was that!!” 

Basile laughs spewing out his coffee slightly. 

“Oh stop, you should see your face, dude. Like tomato soup.” 

Lucas huffs as the other boy continues to laugh. It’s hard to stay mad because the other boys laughter is contagious. He finds himself trying to stifle a smile. 

Bas takes out his phone when the bus pulls up and he entertains himself during the ride. It takes about 10 minutes. Lucas feels his stomach flutter, a nice little rainstorm, at the thought of seeing his mother. It has been too long and he can’t wait to sit in comfortable silence. 

When they get off the bus, they walk a mere 5 to 7 minutes of to the facility that hosts his mother. He is greeted kindly by the receptionist and she has him and Bas sign in. 

Lucas smiles at an excited Bas. Lucas has visited many times over so he leads the way, steps echoing behind him in his haste. It’s when he stands outside the heavy wooden door, painted white for a pristine look that Lucas stops. 

Bas without realizing his friend has stopped runs straight into him nearly spilling his coffee on the other’s backside. 

“Shit Lucas, you can’t just…” 

Lucas isn’t listening. His blue eyes are locked on something that has caught his attention from through the small rectangular window that looks into the room. Basile can’t see past Lucas’ hair but there is something utterly crushed in Lucas’ expression. 

Lucas doesn’t know what he is looking at, but he is torn by the prospect of looking at his mother who sat with her back towards the door, looking at the pair of hands that she holds in her own that belongs to no one other than his father, or looking at the unfamiliar yet beautiful face of an unknown woman who sat off to side in the visitors chair. 

Lucas can’t hear what they are saying but from the way his father wipes gently at his face with his ungentle hand or the way he points and gestures for the lady to step forward, Lucas can deduce. He sees his mother reach up and pat the lady's face gently and Lucas can just imagine the smile on his mother’s face. He sees tears in his father’s eyes, he sees his shoulders shake with a quiet laughter. 

When he brings a hand up to hold and wrap around the shoulders of the lady in the softest touch Lucas has seen from the man since Lucas was a child, he gasps audibly and forcibly turns away, pressing his back firmly against the wall for support.

He rips his eyes away from the scene that exudes a level of comfort he hasn’t felt in years. A level of comfort that he was not a part of and Lucas feels his heart falling inside of him. He doesn’t know how to catch it and he forgets to breathe. 

He shakes.

“Lucas? Lulu, c’mon dude? Look at me…” Lucas hears Basile and he feels the slight shaking but he isn’t sure what to do with that registered information. He feels flooded.

Basile looks up and into the room. The not so silent “fuck!” that comes out of the boys mouth does little to rouse Lucas. 

Basile thinks he needs to get Lucas out of there, that they should leave before his father comes out because Basile sees something that he is sure Lucas hasn’t seen yet. Lucas doesn’t deserve it but the sound of the door creaking tells him it’s too late. 

When Lucas’ father steps out first, surprise is written in his face at the sight of the two boys. Lucas whips his head up and stares, his eyes large, round, unblinking and mouth agape. 

He doesn’t hide the fact that he can’t control the tears that are falling. When the lady walks out behind him, Lucas’ eyes are quick to bounce between the two adults. His wet eyes grow impossibly wider when he sees her round and protruding belly. 

Basile tightens his hands that hold Lucas up by the arm. He can feel Lucas trying to inch away from the two, trying to add space. 

When his father lifts his arm Lucas can’t hide it and he flinches back violently. His body slams hard against the wall behind him and shaking fingers touch the wall in an attempt to find grip. Trying to show them that he could keep his balance even when his world is flipped upside down. 

But Lucas can’t keep it together, his chest heaves as he struggles for air. He can’t bring his eyes to meet that of his father, they remain wide and staring blankly at the floor. For a moment that hand stays there suspended in air before the fingers curl in on themselves and his father drops his arm to his side, mouth a tight line. 

Basile wants to break the silence, he wants to shout at the other to leave, let his son fall apart away from prying eyes. And he would have if he thought it would help. But he doesn’t think Lucas would find comfort in his words. Not now. 

“...Lucas.” His father’s voice is heavy, maybe it was regret that weighs it down. “I’ll be selling the house in three months. If there is anything you need to grab….”

Basile shoots the fucker a disbelieving look. “Are you fucking…” He stops when he feels Lucas grip at his wrist hard. Those eyes are still wild and yet so blank. He stares on at nothing around him. But it gets Basile to stop.

Basile glares, he snarls at Lucas’ father and he doesn’t hide his disgust until the other sighs deeply and turns around. 

It is to the echo of heels clicking on the tiled floor that finds Lucas letting out a heartbreaking wail. His legs give out and he crumbles to the floor and Basile falls with him.

Small hands come up to grip at his own hair and Bas is trying to pull his fingers away. He looks up to see how Lucas’ father’s steps falter slightly but he doesn’t stop his stride, and Basile thinks, he doesn’t deserve the happiness that has fallen into his lap. 

Basile looks back down at Lucas and he grabs at his small wrist trying to force the other to let go of his own hair that he has in a deathgrip. 

“C’mon Lulu. we should go… we should get out of here for now. C’mon listen to me. Come back to me.” Basile lowers his voice, he makes his voice delicate trying to coax Lucas back to him, there in that empty, white and pristine hallway. 

It takes him another 5 minutes of letting Lucas break before he forces the other to stand. He grabs his arm and pulls him up. Basile grips Lucas’ fingers in his own in a show of support. He leads him out of the facility and Lucas follows. Basile wishes there was something he could do to stop the other boys shaking. 

So when they’re on the bus, he sits the shorter brunette down next to him and forces him to lay his head on his shoulders. His arm moves up and down, rubbing Lucas’ arm to sooth the hurt and the ache. 

Basile doesn’t think he is successful. He thinks he might be the wrong person to comfort Lucas. But he is the only one there. He is doing his damn hardest. 

He takes him back to the apartment. It is just him and Lucas. He helps the other boy change into sweats and leads him into bed and he lets Lucas curl up under his arm. He doesn’t leave the bed. He needs to rest too. They could rest together. 

_________________________________________

When Gabriel opens on Wednesday, he never expected his day to be a shit disaster. It seemed one thing would happen after the other. And it all starts when Lucas clocks in.

Gabriel watches Lucas work. And there is something wrong in the boy’s silence. He is tipped off when that curly haired boy, Basile, walks Lucas to work and before he clocks in his friend drops a small kiss on Lucas’ forehead. Gabriel can hear the quiet, “Call if you need anything”. 

It isn’t normal. Gabriel rarely ever sees any of Lucas’ friends and now he feels he sees them every other day. But what really throws him off is how Lucas doesn’t respond. 

He hasn’t respond with more than a nod all day. 

Make this order. _Nod._

Clean the bathrooms. _Nod._

“You’re picking up a shift tomorrow and Friday.” _Nod._

Gabriel starts to wonder if Lucas really hears anything being said or if he is going through the motions. Despite himself, Gabriel is curious. 

He notices how the boys movements are slow, mechanical. He isn’t upset when Lucas accidentally drops a mug and it shatters. He is upset however when Lucas mindless picks up the mess and cuts himself pretty deeply on the palm of his hand. 

The pain jolts Lucas and he says his first word during the shift. “Fuck!”

Had there been any customers linger at the moment, Gabriel would have been pissed. But it was just the two of them. 

Gabriel sighs when Lucas stutters out an apology. 

“Look I don’t know what’s going on but go get cleaned up then we are having a talk.” 

Lucas looks down at the reprimand and goes to find the first aid kit in the back. 

Gabriel sweeps up the mess and mops up Lucas’ blood. There’s quite a bit and Gabriel wonders just how deep the cut is. Before he heads to the back room he puts up the sign. 

_Be Back in 20-25 minutes...What? We need a break too!_

When he heads to the back, Lucas is sitting on an overturned crate hand bandaged sloppily. 

The younger boy looks up at him, eyes appearing far more vulnerable than Gabriel is used to seeing in his young employee. 

“Did something happen?”

Between the _I’m visiting my...mother_ to _We’re having a party at my apartment Friday night, and I was wondering if you’d….like to come_ , Gabriel isn’t sure what has the boy so shook. 

Lucas shifts his gaze before he sighs. He nods. 

“Shit just hit the fan during my visit with my mother.” 

Gabriel’s eyebrows furrow. 

“Is she okay?” Lucas shrugs. He is quiet for sometime, thinking, before the shrug turns into a small reluctant nod. 

“Maybe.” 

“Are you okay?” 

He is absolutely tight lipped in this moment and Gabriel tries for humor. He doubts it's the reason but he rolls his eyes. 

“Is it because I have yet to confirm my attendance to your little college party this Friday?” 

Lucas barks out a surprised laugh and shakes his head. He brings his hand up and snorts into it trying to hide his reaction, albeit failing miserably at it. 

“No… the girls have it in their heads that you like me. They like to fantasize and my boys thought it would be nice for me to move on from my silly crush.” Lucas bites his bottom lip apprehensively. “I invited you as a friend though.” 

Gabriel nods and takes pause. “You talking about that boy that comes in and just lingers and pines after you while you work? Tall, dark hair?” Lucas blushes and nods. 

“And there’s nothing between the two of you?” 

Lucas shakes his head. “That would be correct.” 

Gabriel looks at him indicatively and gestures to the fading bruises on his neck. 

“Er..well, he doesn’t do relationships and I learned the hard way.” He can’t bring himself to look into the green eyes so Lucas focuses on his sneaker clad feet. 

“Right.” Gabriel sighs. “And your friends want me to be the rebound, why?” 

Lucas lifts his head, eyebrows cocked up and an incredulous look on his face. “Are you fishing?” 

Gabriel laughs at this. “No, trying to understand the inner workings of a college kids mind.” He snorts. Lucas laughs, he feels a weight lift slightly and the daze he was in clears a bit. 

He welcomes the silly distraction. 

“Anyways, you’re welcomed to come as a friend. He won’t be there anyways I’m sure. So you wouldn’t need to worry about anything besides enjoying yourself. There will be booze. Lots of it.” Lucas plays it up, because he does want to become close friends with Gabriel. Gabriel, who doesn’t need to talk him through any of his problems, who doesn’t need to indulge his childish whims, who doesn’t need to show his support in any way or form, but chooses to do so willingly. 

Lucas sees him as a lifelong friend if things work out. 

Gabriel nods, “I’ll think about it. Your girlfriends though...they scare me.” 

“As they should,” Lucas says, smile on his lips. They both move to the front of the store. Gabriel removes the sign and unlocks his shop. 

While Lucas remains quiet, he doesn’t move without purpose. He is more aware but he works slower with his cut-up hand. Gabriel handles the drinks while Lucas takes the orders. The bell rings and when Gabriel sees who it is he catches Lucas’ look of panic. 

Eliott with his earbuds dangling from one ear saunters in a smile on his face. He has his hands shoved in his hoodie and when he reaches to take down his hood, the pile of mussed hair comes into view and Gabriel can see why Lucas was so enamored with this boy. 

“Hey,” Yeah he has a velvety voice. Gabriel mentally approves Lucas’ taste in men. 

“Elliot, hey” Gabriel wants to go up and smack Lucas upside the head and tell him to sound more confident. “Triple mocha?” 

The laugh that echoes in the empty store has Gabriel turned to look at the two. Lucas has a blush on his face while Eliott is beaming at the other. 

There is no way that boy doesn’t want to fuck Lucas, Gabriel thinks. But he remembers, that was never the problem between the two. 

_He doesn’t do relationships, and I learned the hard way._

“Gabriel. Triple mocha.”

“To go?” 

“Ah, no, here please.” Gabriel nods. He keeps his ears open, eavesdropping on their conversation. 

“So I heard you’re hosting a party this Friday, your friend, ah...Daphne? Yeah, invited Lucille and she told me about it. That cool?”

“Yeah, totally. Of course, you free to come?” Gabriel wants to praise Lucas verbally for his composure. 

“Yeah..yeah I’m down. It’ll be fun.” When Gabriel hears the sharp intake of breath from Lucas he discreetly eyes the two and notices how Eliott has reached out and taken Lucas’ injured hand. 

“Shit, what happened?” There is genuine concern and care in his voice. His mouth is drawn down in a worried frown, eyebrows making a sharp dive on his pretty face. 

Gabriel isn’t sure what makes him do it, maybe it’s Lucas’s stammering, but he personally carries the drink over to the two of them and hands Eliott the mug. 

It’s a gentle move. Soft and unexpected but he reaches and takes Lucas’ wrist in his own hands and removes it from Eliott’s grasp. 

“Lucas dropped a mug earlier.” Without breaking eye contact with Lucas who has his eyes wide, mouth open, and blush coloring his cheeks, Gabriel brings the palm up and drops a small kiss on the bandage. Just a light one. No fanfare. 

He turns and smiles brightly at Eliott who watches the whole interaction with an unreadable expression. The smile never left his lips but Gabriel can tell, it’s his eyes that speaks volumes.

“Sorry, don’t think we’ve met.” Gabriel holds out his hand and Eliott is slow to take it. “Gabriel.”

“Eliott.” Lucas looks between the two of them. Neither pay him much attention. 

“Did I hear that you’ll be at the party this Friday?” Eliott tilts his head and shrugs. He brings his arms up and crosses them. 

“Not sure yet, Lucas just invited me.”

“Cool. Maybe I’ll see you there. It’d be nice to meet and hang with some of Lucas’ friends.” Gabriel brings a hand up to ruffle Lucas’ hair and makes a move to walk away. “ I need to check something in the back. You good to handle the front?” 

Lucas doesn’t say anything but he nods. When he turns to look at Eliott the smile is back on his face. Eliott picks up his mug, salutes Lucas and grabs a table to sit at. Normally where he would sit with his back towards the other and pull out his phone to entertain himself, this time Eliott finds a spot where he is facing Lucas, eyes trailing him as he worked. He doesn't take out his phone. But he makes sure both ear buds are in. 

Lucas never thought he would struggle with restocking the straws or napkins, but...

It. Is. A. _Struggle._

He heads back behind the register in time to hear the bell ring and is ready with a welcome on the tip of his tongue but is surprised to see Yann. 

"Hey! What's up?" 

Gabriel heard the bell and emerges from the back, arms crossed at his waisted as he takes in the urgent expression on Lucas' friend's face. 

"Fuck, Lucas, I just… Bas just told me. I…"

Something he says causes Lucas to tense up, Gabriel can't see his face but he imagines that the boyish face has fallen. 

"Yann it's..."

"Don't say it's okay, it's not and I should have gone with you."

"Yann." Lucas voice is getting loud, trying to get through to the dark skinned boy. 

"Bas told me what he said. Is it true?! He doesn't deserve you. He...doesn't. Fuck I'm going to _kill_ him."

"Yann! _Stop!_ " When he shouts his voice cracks. He sounds like he is in the verge of tears. 

"N-not here. Please." 

The taller boy looks around and Gabriel looks back at him from his place near the counter. Gabriel doesn’t shy away from the anger clear on his face. Yann turns and sees Eliott staring at them, frown in place and earbuds in his hands. Clearly he took them out to listen. If he wasn’t so focused on his need to talk to Lucas, Yann might have asked what the fuck was going on there.

The tension was palpable.

But when Yann shifts his eyes back to Lucas, his gaze softens. Lucas was shaking lightly and his eyes glassy. 

"Not here." Is his quiet whisper, and Yann nods. 

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." Yann brings his hand up and places it on Lucas's head before leaning his own forehead on the back of his hand. 

"Lucas." The small brunette flings himself away from Yann's comfort like he is burned and he turns to face Gabriel. "Clock out."

"But I can still--" 

He doesn't get to finish because Gabriel gives him a look. 

He clocks out. Makes a move to gather himself in the back. When he comes out Yann is waiting patiently for him by the door. 

Lucas doesn't want to talk. He's not ready. But if there is anything that will help him get through his days and ready to face the world it is his friends. 

He can do this. He thinks.


	8. On Earth We Are Briefly Gorgeous

Friday. Lucas closely watches everything around him. 

There is a buzz in the air around the apartment as everyone moves with a purpose. Arthur and Yann carry the couch to the far side of the living room wall trying to freeing up floor space while Alexia and Chloe laugh atop the moving furniture. 

“Wait, waitwait, wait!” Lucas hears Yann call out as his grip slips and his side falls to the floor. The girls tumble into each other laughing. 

“Oh, that was weak Yann.” 

Yann flips off Arthur. 

“Alright, alright. We’ll get off.” Alexia scrambles off and pulls Chloe who is still laughing and clutching her side. 

Lucas shakes his head at their antics. He’s happy that the boys act normal, that they continue with the party as planned. They have yet to have a full sit down to discuss his visit with his mother. He’s not sure he ever wants to have that talk but they’ve all decided to let it sit. 

In the kitchen Basile stocks the freezer with all their favorite liquor bottles while Manon sits on the counter as Lucas tries to help out by heating up cheesy bites for the gang to nibble on as they prepare their place for the hordes of people that we’re to come. 

Lucas thinks things got out of hand. It was supposed to be just a small gathering. Just a couple of friendly faces. But then Daphne opened her mouth. 

Yann invited Chloe, and Chloe invited her friends. 

Emma extended the invite to Alex. And Alex tells his boys. 

Idriss will be there. Sofiane. And Daphne. Daphne invites Lucille. 

Lucas wants to throw up at the thought of this party. He feels he should have invited Simon but is glad that he didn’t. Gabriel said he was coming, but Lucas thinks he might not show up. 

“Are the bites done?” Lucas shakes his head and turns to look up at Manon who has her hand near her face, nails between her teeth. 

“Stop that, you’ll ruin your nails and your hands will look ugly.” The words are out of his mouth before he registers what he was thinking. 

Her taken aback look makes him feel slightly guilty but he avoids it by turning to the oven and reaching for the pan. 

“Alright, mom. Sheesh.” 

Lucas miscalculates and ends up brushing the top of his hand on the hot top of the oven. He drops the pan on the counter, and the rough clatter causes the apartment to go quiet almost immediately. 

Basile turns quickly and Manon jumps off the counter rushing at the brunette. 

Manon grabs his hand and she gasps at the surface burn that she sees. 

“Shit Lucas, run this under water.” 

“Cool. Make it cool. Not cold. Manon. Do you hear me?” Basile stands behind them trying to direct and Lucas shoots a wry grin at the other. 

“Oi, will you stop, I got this.” Lucas hisses when his burn touches the water. 

Manon holds him there for a couple of minutes and pretty soon chatter picks back up around them. 

“What did you do to your hand by the way? Cuts, burns, scratches. You went the whole nine yards.” 

Lucas makes a move to pull his hands back, away and out of her grip. He realizes he wasn’t one to talk about the way her hands looked, when he has done so poorly at taking care of his own. 

She slaps his burn with her fingers and he cries out, but stops pulling. 

“Shit Manon, don’t do that.”

“Well don’t pull away.” Something in her tone makes him think she isn’t just talking about his hand at that moment. 

He stands there for another couple of minutes before she lets him go. 

“There, just let it breathe for a bit and you’ll be good. It’ll scab over but don’t peel it or you’ll scar.”

He looks up to see Basile stuffing his face and Lucas can’t contain the laughter that bursts from his lips. 

It was a weird Friday. The air was buzzing with something he couldn’t pinpoint. It was electrifying. 

“Cheesy bites are done.” Basile states with his mouth full. He smiles at the both of them when Manon rolls her eyes. 

Lucas watches as the boy quickly swallows his food and forces out his words. 

“Oh hey, where’s the rest of the gang?” 

Lucas translates the question in his head to Where’s Daphne?

“Oh I think she’s with Lucille, something went down and she’s trying to convince the girl to come.”

“What happened?” 

Lucas can’t help himself. He thinks maybe he is a glutton for torture. 

Lucas blushes when Manon is silent for a second, her eyes assessing him, looking him up and down, wondering surely if she should say something.

Manon shrugs her shoulders in the end and Lucas tried hard not to let the disappointment show. 

“I don’t know, really. Something to do with that boy she hangs around. Daphne isn’t really sharing anything right now.” Lucas nods and drops it.

“Let’s go clean the boys room.” Manon pops a cheesy bite in her mouth and grabs Lucas by the elbow, linking her arms with his. “You never know who is going to need it tonight.”

“Don’t go into my closet!” Lucas rolls his eyes when Yann winks at the two of them. 

Lucas catches Manon’s wink. They prep the apartment and hide the evidence that four boys lived together under one roof. Lucas is glad for the distraction. Manon ‘tsks’ in disgust when she reaches for a pair of pants on the Yann’s bedroom floor before throwing it into the hamper. 

“I don’t know how you guys live like this!” 

Lucas shrugs. “I don’t ask me...this isn’t my room.” Lucas prides himself on being clean. As a matter of fact. He tends to pick up after himself and the others more often than not. But he doesn’t mind doing it. HE gets a little squeamish when he reaches for a balled up face towel that is crusted and retains its shape. 

He gags and quickly throws it towards the hamper, missing greatly and smacking Manon on the chest with it. He tries to shake the gross feeling away but can’t contain his laughter when she lets out a disgusted scream, dropping the hamper where she stands and backing up. 

Her delicate hands are help up in front of her, pinkies curled slightly. She uses it as a shield, a defence against an invisible enemy. She lets out a shiver and Lucas doesn’t blame her. 

“That’s it, nope. I’m out. Can’t...won’t do this!” Lucas nods in agreeance. Any poor soul that decides to sleep in this room tonight can deal with the monsters hidden under the bed. 

Lucas rushes out after Manon and they both head to the bathroom. He quickly washes his hand and Manon squeezes her smaller hands next to his and their fingers battle for the steady stream of water. She pushes at him with her hips but Lucas does his best not to budge. 

“Wait your turn!” 

Manon shakes her head instead and chooses to force her hand on top of his and pushing him out of the way. Lucas feels his chest warm when he notes how careful she is when her hands are near his wounds. She is thoughtful to an extent that he thinks he might not be able to handle. 

Lucas realizes in that moment that he is truly lucky. He laughs when she uses those fingers, fingers that capture her soft nature, to flick water in his face. He laughs and retaliates. He has so much support from all those around him. Even Manon’s hands, slight in structure--nails manicured yet slightly bitten, cuticules torn, polish faded--even those hands are ready to catch Lucas’s weight without prompting. 

 

Lucas figures somehow, some divine power or some gods that be, decided to strike a balance for Lucas. One he never asked for. He would have a shit home life, be thrown into over and over again, but he would do so with only the best people surrounding him. Ensuring that he would make it out in one piece and only a little damaged.

He flicks Manon a couple of more times and enjoys her laughter that echoes in the small bathroom. By the time they are done, both are slightly soaked and Lucas thinks now would be a good time to change into something more...appropriate. The first few were bound to show up soon. 

He starts to mop up their mess, tidy around the shower, clean the toilet while Manon toys with her phone and leans against the wall. He moves around her. 

“Oh, shit…” 

“What?” He responds naturally but doesn’t quite expect Manon to answer him. He is bent over the trash can tying it and getting ready to replace it. 

When he looks at her, she is biting, her eyes glued to the phone that illuminates her small face in a blue light. Her fingers work rapidly, typing away a message. 

When Manon looks at him, Lucas tries not to look expectant. 

“I think that Eliott dumped Lucille...for good.” 

Lucas clears his throat and looks down, his hands mechanically moving on their own accord, putting in a new trash bag in the small bin. 

“...shit what happened?” 

“Word on the street? He’s interested in someone.” Manon lets out a sigh. “They haven’t fucked around for a couple weeks now, apparently.” 

Lucas pretends that his heart is not beating rapidly against his rib cage, singing a tune of happiness. He thinks he is an awful human being for feeling elated at the news. 

“Lucas…”

He looks at Manon, eyes wide. 

“I know you’re interested in him.”

“No,I’m...”

She tilts her head and Lucas stops talking. There is no point in lying.

“Right.” He says.“Okay. Yeah, what of it?” 

“Nothing, I just want to make sure you know what your doing. I don’t want you to end up hurt like Lucille.” Manon throws up her hands. “She’s devastated and she knows him so well look,” Manon stutters for a second, looking up at the bathroom ceiling to find the right words. “She knew him so well and still she got hurt.”

Lucas feels irrationally angry. Not at Manon. He can’t pin it down but he feels his face screw up. His lips pull back. He slams the toilet lid down harshly, the sound causing Manon to jump slightly. 

Sitting down he leans forward, his elbows on his knees and fingers clenching at his hair. When he looks up, his blue eyes flash. 

“Why does everyone just think that it’s going to be the same?”

“I’m not... w-what do you...Lucas?”

“That me being with Eliott is supposed to be the same as Eliott being with Lucille?” He points his arm at the wall, fingers pointing at nothing. “That somehow if I end up with Eliott it’s going to play out the exact same way? WE are different people you know.” 

Before Manon can answer, Lucas continues. He can’t seem to stop. He feels flustered because it is true. “Isn’t Emma different now? Different when she was with Yann versus her with Alex? Or Alexia and Arthur. Do you expect Arthur to be hurt the same way?” 

It’s different. And he doesn’t understand why. Lucas feels that everyone already believes their chances at having anything are doomed before it even began. Himself included. But he doesn’t want to believe he is anything like Lucille.

Lucas foolishly believes that if something was to happen things would end differently, or better yet, it wouldn’t end at all. He is breathing harshly and Manon looks on worried. 

“Okay….okay.” Manon whispers. Lucas thinks she sounds nervous. 

She walks up and Lucas wants to look away from her concern but he holds steady. “No...you’re right.” Manon wraps her thing arms around him and cradles his head in the crook of her neck. “It’s not the same...I think we are just worried… worried that it will play out the same and that you won’t recover from...him.”

“But that’s my choice. I should get a chance to fuck up.” 

Lucas feels her nod against his cheek. They stay like that for a moment longer before her phone rings. She ignores it but he nudges her to answer it. 

“Go.” Lucas nods again at her, a small smile on his face and she sighs before acquiescing. She leaves but not before pushing gently at Lucas’ shoulders. 

Lucas rubs at his face, he winces when he feels the rough scabs on his palm scrape down the soft skin of his face. He looks down at his own hands. Hands that hold a lifetime of experiences in the simple cuts and scars. His hands bare so much and he wonders how the story will play out. He traces with his eyes, the skin of his palm, slightly pink on the outer edges. He notes the healing process is slow for his cut, but that’s a given. The scratches on the back of his hand where the tree ripped up his skin are small thin and slightly bumpy lines. The burn is the newest and it is an angry red.

Lucas pulls his lips in disgust at the way his skin blistered. He wouldn’t want anyone to ever hold his hands. 

Lucas sighs and heads to his room. He decides on a tight, black, and short sleeved shirt, paired with his light grey sweats that ride low on his hips. If he is lucky, maybe he’ll catch an unsuspecting strangers eyes tonight. And things will go right, this time. 

He can hear the doorbell while he fixes his hair in the mirror that hangs behind on his closet door. His fingers brush away a few strays here and there before he steps back, does a little half twist, and deems himself ready. When he leaves his room he is greeted by a chorus of happy cheers. 

“I’m so glad you made it!” 

When Manon steps aside Lucas lays eyes on who she has her arms wrapped around. 

“Wouldn’t miss the chance of seeing my beautiful Manon and Lulu in action!”

“Oh my god, Mika!” Lucas shouts out in excitement. 

He takes in the sight of his older, taller friend. Hair tousled, sticking out in every which way, light brown eyes pools of excitement. Lucas hasn’t seen Mika in months and he feels bad for not having reached out more and kept in contact. He silently promises not to let his days get away from him again. 

Mika is exactly as he remembers. 

“Kitten! Where have you been!” Lucas can’t contain his laughter as Mika grabs at him arms wrapping around his shoulders and long, knobbly fingers catching themselves in his hair. The touch is comforting. 

“I’ve been so busy,” Lucas leans his head on Mika’s sturdy shoulder. “School has been kicking my ass.” And it’s true. His distractions in the form of one Eliott Demaury wasn’t quite helping his case. 

“Well tonight is our night and we are going to get fucked up!”

“You can sleep with me and the girls in Lucas’ room.” Manon pipes up from somewhere behind them. 

“Who volunteered my room?” He cocks a brow and Mika laughs. 

“Darling, do you expect this,” Mika runs his hand down the length of his body “to sleep on that?” he points to the dilapidated couch that Bas was currently stretched out on. 

“Hey, I’ll have you know that this couch is very comfortable and has supported many sleepless nights for your Lulu over there.” 

Lucas flips him off with a smile. 

“I’ll think about it.” 

Mika chuckles and pats his cheek endearingly. 

“That’s all I can ask for.” His fingers linger and Lucas flushes at the touch. Mika is a friend and only a friend, but Lucas would be dumb if he thought he could ignore the heat of his hands on his cheeks. 

Mika’s touches are tender and care is evident in his hands. But even more than that, the coils of excitement, that render Mika the ball of energy that he is, can be felt in the tips of his fingers. His cupped palm is a basket of life experience that Lucas has been so lucky to be a part of. 

They move inside the apartment, settle into the living room. When there is a knock, Lucas let’s the boys or the girls answer. He sits and talks with Mika and finds that Manon has been filling the older brunette in slowly with the happenings. He’s not angry, a little relieved of not having to relive all of his drama. 

“Is he coming tonight? Do I get to meet this mystery man? I wonder what he’s like,” Mika shoots out question after question and Lucas is flustered by his curiosity. Lucas hopes that, through the commotion of guests arriving and the music in the apartment being turned up, Mika doesn’t hear Alexia’s off the cuff remark of how Eliott’s ass is nice to look at but he is not so lucky.

“Scandalous!” 

Lucas turns beet red and instead of continuing his conversation he stands and leaves Alexia and Mika cackling with each other on the couch. 

When he hears Imane and Daphne’s voice by the door he heads towards them. He catches Imane’s eyes first over Manon’s body that cover’s the doorway. Emma hangs behind, one hand raised in greeting. She holds a bottle of _Goldschlager_ in her other. Lucas moves closer to the group. 

“Glad you guys could…” 

Lucas’ voice trails off as his gaze is fastened on wet hazel eyes. Lucille looks like she has been crying and the makeup she adornes does little to hide the fact. Regardless, Lucas feels like the girl took his breath away. 

“Mm, Lucas. You’ve met Lucille before right?” Daphne approaches him, gentle, like a startled animal. He catches the cautious looks she sends to the girls who stand around them. Lucas visible straightens and smiles his best smile. 

“Yeah, yeah of course. I’m glad you could make it,” He grabs the bottle Emma hands him while she asks if he is okay with what is about to go down with her unique Emma look. He doesn’t directly respond but he nods his head at the group and falls back on his nervous tick of running his fingers through his hair. “Come in?” 

Lucille says nothing and how she stares so incessantly at Lucas makes him want to hide away. To bow his head and break the stare, to apologize for every wrong doing. But he holds steady. Because Lucas knows he has nothing to apologize for. He was not at fault. So he beckons them with a tilt of his head back.

Lucille is the first to step forward, her shoulders harshly checking his and the casual stride never falters. Lucas feels like he was just slapped silly. 

When he looks up Daphne’s eyes are wide. 

Imane has made a move towards the other girl anger swirling in the dark depths of her stare. 

Emma holds her back only so she could step forward first. She has a destination and an action planned out so thoughtfully and Lucas is sure the night would be ruined if he lets his girls put their thoughts into action. 

He is quick to step in their way, Manon his backup. 

“No, no. Leave it. It’s cool.”

“Shit, Lucas I didn’t…”

“No Daph, it’s okay. We’re cool. Let’s just.” Lucas lets his voice trail and instead he holds up the bottle of liquor invitingly. “Shots?”

He can tell the girls are reluctant. Emma is the first to pour the shots for the girls and Lucas. His boys join at the sound of her cracking the bottle. 

Imane sits back on the counter, smiling at the antics and at some point even Lucille takes a shot, but her eyes cut glass each time they pass over Lucas. He tries his best to ignore it. 

When Alex and his friends arrive, Emma is quick to answer the door having received the text before the knock was even heard. 

Lucas loves how giggly she is after her 5th shot of vodka. 

Lucas’ top half is laid out on the living room floor, legs resting on the couch seat, foot bopping to the music. He sees his world upside down for a brief moment and its Idriss and Sofiane who come to greet him first. But his eyes are on Eliott who greets everyone with a bright smile as he trails behind his friend. 

“Enjoying yourself my friend?” Idriss chuckles as Lucas nods his head. He’s had 4 shots in the span of half an hour and maybe he is feeling a bit of a buzz. He does a little tumble, legs going over his head and his shirt riding high on his abdomen. 

He lets out unfiltered laughter. “Yay! You guys made it.” His world is right side up and spinning and he doesn’t help his balance by throwing his arms up in the air and tilting his head back slightly. 

He jumps up and hugs Idriss and Sofiane. When he gets to Eliott, Lucas musters up the courage to gently hug the other so as not to make things awkward. He imagines those arms held him a tad bit tighter and longer than a hug between friends normal would be. 

He pulls back quickly and maybe it’s his hazy brain making him think it, but disappointment flashes in those stormy eyes. 

“There’s liquor in the freezer and beer in the fridge. Help yourself. Oh and cheesy bites on the counter if Manon hasn’t stuffed herself full yet.”

“I have it on good authority that Manon has indeed eaten all the cheesy bites.”

Lucas turns at the sound of Mika’s voice, and he sees how his old friend assesses the newcomers. 

“Righhhht. So Mika, this is Sofiane, Idriss--Imane’s older brother--, and this is…” Lucas waits till Mika shakes hands with the two before continuing. “And...uh. T-this is Eliott.” He struggles to get his words out. 

He ignores the heated stare to his left. He doesn’t let his mind linger on how Eliott is standing closer than he needed to. Or how, when Eliott moves to greet Mika, his arm brushes against Lucas’. 

“I have heard a _lot_ about you, Eliott. Great to finally get a face to place with that…” Mika moves to look behind Eliott, a dramatic move that has Eliott cocking a brow but never losing his smile while Lucas slaps his face with his hands trying to hide from the inevitable word that was about to leave Mika’s mouth. “....beautiful ass.” 

Idriss and Sofiane laugh at the exchange. 

Mika doesn’t wait for a reply, satisfied with his entrance and his impression left on them, he waves and is back out of the living as quickly as he came. 

“Sorry...Mika can be,” Lucas struggles to find the right words to describe his friend but struggles. “A bit much.” He settles for this. 

When he turns to look at Eliott, the other boy has a gentle smile on his face. Eliott shrugs his shoulders as if not bothered by the exchange at all. 

“No, he’s fine. I take it as a compliment.” 

Lucas wants to look away from those stormy eyes, but he gets sucked in. He finds it hard to turn away and miss the opportunity to be on the receiving end of such a casual yet hypnotizing lift of lips. Lucas is stupefied. 

“Lucas!”

He snaps his head towards the kitchen, ignoring the way his heart thudded in his ribcage. Bright neon lights danced across his face and color his vision for a moment as Mika turns off the lights and turns on their strobe light. 

He ignores the cry of _“Nowww it’s a partyyyy!”._

He see’s Alexia standing in the kitchen, Lucille who looks so empty, glares daggers at him. 

“We need you here to help finish this bottle so we can play spin the bottle/truth or dare.” Alexia lets out a high-pitched battle cry before rushing him.

“Sorry, I need to borrow your boy for a sec here.” Eliott holds up his hands, eyes crinkling at the force of his smile. 

“Just return him soon, yeah?” He winks at Alexia who smiles brightly at him. 

“After we ravish him.” 

Lucas allows himself to be dragged away. When he catches Lucille’s downturned gaze, the way her lips stutter against her breathing, the red around her eyes...Lucas feels guilt fall like a blanket around him. He swallows tightly. 

Lucas takes the offered shot following whatever stupid drinking game his friends have thought up in their stupor. He swallows it like his life depends on it and waits patiently for his glass to be filled again. When his phone buzzes, he sees a text from Gabriel. 

His fingers stumble in his haste to open the text. Lucas does not want to admit the alcohol has anything to do with his lack or motor skills. 

_**Be there is 5min.** _

Short and simple. Everything he expects from Gabriel. He drinks the next shot and asks Alexia to hold his glass for him. Without thinking much about it, he grabs Imane by the shoulders and drags her with him to the hallway door. 

“Gabriel’s going to be here soon. Thought you could keep me company while I waited.” He grins at her. 

Imane nods at him. “Okay...how you holding up otherwise?” 

He knows what she is asking and he contemplates being purposefully obtuse. But alcohol has loosened his tongue. 

“Other than Lucille shooting daggers at me all night because her ex wants in my pants, and I’d gladly lead him to my room at any chance I get… I would say I’m doing pretty well for myself.” As a matter of fact, Lucas thinks he is doing great because he hasn’t given into any urge of showing Eliott his bed. He deserves a pat on the back for that. 

Imane nods and slaps him on the shoulder, comfortingly. She says nothing. 

When there is a knock, the both of them jump slightly. Lucas laughs breathily, a little uncertain before Imane urges him lightly to open the door. 

He was expecting to see Gabriel standing there in a long black shirt, black jeans, slip resistant sneakers and an apron tied around his waist. Gabriel exceeds expectations.

Lucas’ jaw drops slightly at his boss who stood in a dark brown leather jacket thrown over a tight white tee that left little to the imagination. His legs well formed in a pair of black distressed jeans and his feet covered in a pair of fancy sneakers. 

Gabriel’s hair, normally flopped slightly, was fashioned with a bit of gel to help it keep structure. Lucas couldn’t help but think his eyes were such a magnificent pop of green and he was lucky they were fastened on him. 

At Imane’s cough Lucas shakes his head breaks out of his swoon. 

“Hey, didn’t think you’d make it.”

Gabriel nods. Lucas catches how he looks past him for a second and his demeanor changes. 

“Yeah thanks for inviting me.” Gabriel bends down and kisses Lucas on the cheek. It’s the barest of a kiss but Lucas feels himself stop breathing for a second. He wants to stutter out how flattered he was and that he was very _not_ interested but Lucas can’t get any words to form past certain vowels and consonants. 

“I see your boy is here? He’s watching so play along.” Gabriel straightens up again and Lucas in his alcoholic daze catches what Gabriel is putting down. He understands the game the other man wants to play. 

For a second he wanted so badly to just be in love with Gabriel instead. Lucas feels so significantly lucky that he has a friend like him.

“Sorry, I think we’ve briefly met. Gabriel and you are?” 

Imane who is just as struck with the wit of the person in front of her has to clear her throat and hold her hands out slowly. 

“Uh… Imane. Yeah we met briefly.” 

Gabriel smiles at the two of them. “Shall we head in?” He walks next to Lucas, arm thrown across his shoulders and Lucas feels like the blush is a permanent fixture. 

Gabriel’s presence is welcomed. He mingles easily with the others, his conversations run smoothly. Gabriel holds his liquor well. When Lucas gets to far, he notices how Gabriel finds him with his eyes. He is not an overbearing presence, sometimes Gabriel brushes him in passing, only ever when Eliott’s eyes linger from across the room. 

When Emma and Manon corner him in the bathroom, he is unsure of what to say. 

“What the hell is that out there?” 

He shrugs. 

“Are you? Is he? Like...is this a thing?” 

Lucas has to laugh at Manon. Just an hour or two before, he was yelling at her about Eliott. Now she thinks he’s going solid with his boss. 

“Nono, no, nothing like that. I think…” He pauses because he thinks, what if he is wrong. “I think he is trying to make Eliott...jealous.” 

“Well damn good of him, I’d say he is succeeding.” Manon is quick to state her thoughts, making Lucas giggle uncontrollably. 

Manon and Emma share a look. “Hurry up and come join us. Alexia is running spin the bottle.”

Emma taps Manon on the arm, grinning madly, “Can you imagine the fun we can have with this?”

Lucas rolls his eyes at Emma’s hand waving at him to hurry. He does his business and checks himself in the mirror. When he steps back out, Lucas confidently wears his sweats a tad bit lower on his hips. 

He rejoins the party. When he enters the living room, he sits to Daphne’s left seeing that her right was taken up by Lucille. He accepts the shot that Emma hands him. The group, minus a couple here and there have already formed a circle. He almost choked when he notices Gabriel and Eliott sit right next to each other. Gabriel sits with one leg extended out while the other is bent at the knee. He uses it as perch for his elbow to rest. 

One hand moving animatedly while the other holds loosely the neck of a bottle. He is talking to Eliott who nods his head occasionally to show he is listening but his sharp eyes speak volumes. Eliott sits knees bent and ankles crossed. His fingers grip a pint of whiskey in one hand and a lit joint in the other. 

The conversation between the two die down and soon enough he is on the receiving end of two very intense stares. Gabriel winks and he smiles softly at him. Lucas can't read Eliott so he chooses to look at the floor in front of him. But when their eyes do connect, Eliott doesn’t break his gaze as he brings the joint up to his mouth and sucks in a lung full of smoke. Lucas licks his lips when Eliott waves his fingers, still holding the joint and when he smiles the smoke filters out floating away from the corners of his mouth. 

 

“Alright! Alright let’s get started!” Yann begins the game off. He spins the bottle and has the option of kissing the person it lands on or choosing a dare for them to complete. Lucas sees his eyes light up when it lands on Daphne. Basile, who sits beside him, hits him rapidly on the arm. Lucas swears he sees the hearts beating in Bas eyes when he looks at Daphne who rolls her eyes but doesn’t lift of her lips. 

“Daphne! You and Bas, belly shot. _Now_ ” 

Arthur laughs into his hands as Bas jumps up in his excitement. Daphne rolls her eyes but rolls up her shirt. She flips off Emma’s cat calls and lies down on the floor. Daphne giggles through the entire affair. When Bas is done he stands eyes glassy and feeling goofy. 

“I can die a happy man.” 

He thanks Yann who only nods. Of course Yann has Bas’ back. 

The game continues moving clockwise around the circle, ensuring everyone gets a chance to get in on the action. When Daphne lands her bottle on Gabriel she squeals and looks at Lucas apologetically. 

“Can’t miss this once in a lifetime opportunity Lulu.” She crawls across the circle and plants a wet kiss on a suspecting Gabriel who goes with it in stride. Lucas has to hide his smile when Gabriel has to push Daphne back gentle, not allowing her to deepen the kiss. 

Her shoulders sag slightly. “Oh just a slice of heaven. How can you be so cruel.” There’s a smile on her face when she crawls back to her place. 

When it’s Lucas’s turn, he feels everyone’s eyes on him, waiting expectantly. He thinks he might die with how hard his heart thumps and bangs inside of him. His stomach curls in on itself and his mouth feels like a spider has made a home in his mouth. 

_Please not Eliott. PLEASE not Eliott._ The mantra plays in his head on repeat and it feels like a lifetime for the bottle to slow to a stop. 

He looks up into those stormy eyes. Lucas smiles to hide his panic. He wants to stand and scream _“Party is over, everyone go home!”_

He wants to usher them out. When he looks at Gabriel, there is nothing there to guide him, except a small, sympathetic, smile. Daphne nudges him, urging him to take his chance and go makeout with his beautiful sexy man that he has been pining after for the last few weeks. He catches the seething expression on Lucille's face and almost wants to give in but Lucas would like to think he is above petty. 

So Lucas turns to Eliott who is smiling expectantly. He copes out. 

“Uhh, share your joint and some whiskey?”

He sees Yann facepalm and Arthur’s exasperated look. Even Gabriel has a look that asks Lucas, _“What?”_

But Lucas doesn’t take it back, instead he waits patiently for Eliott to make the next move. The unreadable expression on Eliott’s face makes Lucas feel weary. There isn’t much he can do when Eliott stands and makes his way towards Lucas. The slow movement of the other makes Lucas catch his breath. 

When Eliott motions for him to stand, Lucas does so. Lucas reaches out with his hand to grasp the pint of whiskey but Eliott’s much larger hand grabs him and pulls him flushed against his body. . 

Lucas is distracted immediately. What was supposed to be a simple swish of the bottle and a sharing of a joint is complicated by the grip of fingers. He feels small in his hold, Eliott’s grooved fingers easily wrap around his thin wrist. The pulsing heat of his palm travels throughout Lucas’ smaller frame and he gets lost in simply looking at where they are connected. The grip tightens and Lucas can only ask himself, what else does Eliott hold so tightly and so closely to him. Is Lucas any more special than everything that has passed through this grip in his lifetime. He wants to be. 

The fingers moves slowly down to hold him by the forearm and Lucas finally looks into his eyes. Lucas tries to follow the pattern of colors dancing across his cheeks. He gets lost in doing so. When Eliott brings the bottle up to take a long gulp. Lucas follows Eliott’s descent towards his mouth, eyes wide. When their lips touch, Lucas’ eyes close. He has no choice but to open his mouth and take the burning liquid, swallowing what he can but there’s so much it spills over between them and drips down from the corners of his mouth. It burns all the way down his throat and goes on for what felt like a lifetime. 

When Eliott finally pulls back and brings the joint to his mouth, Lucas wants to step away but the taller boy, with the messy hair, the beautiful eyes, he has yet to let him go. Lucas wonders if he ever will. 

Lucas watches as Eliott breathes in deep and dips his head so the joint is lit between the two of them and Lucas can feel the heat of it on his lips. He expects it but doesn’t at the same time when Eliott blows the smoke into his mouth, slowly. And Lucas takes it in. He breathes deeply, let it settle in his lungs and he feels high off the energy that Eliott exudes. He stumbles slightly when Eliott releases him. He wants to wipe off the satisfied grin that has climbed into existence on the other boys face. But he can’t be mad.

_Share your joint and some whiskey_

He asked for it. 

When he looks around the circle he sees the jaws that dropped. Alexia is fanning herself and Chloe has a blush on her face, eyes glazed by the interaction. Lucas doesn’t want to pinpoint the look of defeat on Lucille’s face. 

When he sits back at his spot, he sees from the corner of his eyes how Eliott sits confidently with his legs straight out in front of him, resting his weight on the palms of his hands behind him. His feet twitch to the beat of the music in the background. Lucas looks at Gabriel who has a small smirk on his face and one eyebrow raised. He smiles at Lucas. 

Challenge accepted. 

It’s three turns over when Alexia spins the bottle, it lands on Eliott who sits next to her. She winks at Lucas before turning to Eliott. 

“Share your joint and whiskey with me pretty boy.” The group laughs and Lucas blushes but doesn’t try to smother the laugh that bubbles out of his mouth. 

Eliott shrugs and holds out the last of his joint and whiskey for Alexia to have. Emma rolls over laughing as Alexia cries out, affronted. 

“What?! No lip action!” She takes it regardless and drinks down the last of the whiskey making a face as it burns her throat. 

Eliott spins and Lucas allows himself an internal sigh of relief when it lands on Idriss. Eliott asks him to roll him another joint and the other boy flips him off but goes off and does it despite the angry look Imane shoots him. 

The group waits for Gabriel to chug his beer before sitting up straight. He slams the empty bottle on the ground reaches over to grab the bottle at the center of the circle. He skips the spinning part. Instead, Gabriel picks it up and puts it down facing Lucas. He is quick to crawl across the circle towards Lucas, ignoring the gasps from those around him. Lucas thinks if he wasn’t so struck he would have laughed at Mika’s harshly whispered _“Oh. My. Gawd”_

But he doesn’t have the time as Gabriel latches on to him, hands gripping the front of his black tee and dragging him into a kneeling position. Gabriel is on his knees, looming over Lucas. Lucas is breathless at the strength behind those hands that easily make him stand. 

It was just a burning touch of lips that lasted no more than 5 seconds, but Lucas feels utterly destroyed. He wants this night to end already. 

The both of them are standing and Gabriel has brought both hands to rest on his hips leading him out of the circle. The pause for a second next to Eliott. 

Even through the haze, Lucas registers the animosity in those blue eyes. 

“Someone come get us in 7 minutes?” 

Before he can even acknowledge what is happening he is thrown into the coat closet, the door closing behind him. He can hear the cacophony of cheers and cat calls. 

Gabriel quickly turns the two of them and Lucas feels his body slam against the door loudly. He thought this was a game. He thought Gabriel was helping him out. 

Lucas feels himself start to panic slightly and pushes gently at Gabriel. 

“Wait.” He says. “Wait.” He repeats. “What’s going on here?”

Gabriel pauses for a second and looks down at him. The taller blonde sighs. 

“It’s working. And if I’m correct, in a little over 7 minutes, your boy is going to be throwing this door open. So we don’t have that much time to make it look like I ravished you.” 

They’re both whispering at this point. 

Gabriel brings one of his hands up and slams it harshly right next to Lucas’ ears and Lucas doesn’t have to pretend to gasp loudly. He feels a rush of excitement pulse through him and reaches with his own hands to mess up Gabriel's perfect hair, he has been wanting to do that all night.

“You owe me. Big time.” Lucas nods. 

“I want that pretty brunette friend of yours. Start with his number.” Gabriel uses his hands to mess up Lucas’s hair and pull up his shirt slightly. 

“Mika?”

Gabriel nods. 

“I’ve been eye-fucking him all night but I don’t think he gets the hint. That or, he thinks I’m with you so.”

Lucas nods. “Consider it done.” 

When Gabriel reaches to undo his belt, Lucas looks away and blushes. 

“Get your lips wet, Lucas. Has to make it look like we’ve been doing the dirty for 7 minutes.” Gabriel winks at him and when he brings a finger to run along his bottom lip Lucas doesn’t need to fake his reaction. 

His lids drop low and his tongue darts out, catching the tip of Gabriel’s fingers. He lets Gabriel use his fingers to push the bottom lip into his mouth. Lucas has to stop himself from using his hands to keep Gabriel’s hand there. He knows, first hand account, the strength in those fingers and Lucas wants to keep the hands close to his face. He leans forward and follows slightly when Gabriel does pull away but realizes what he does so he pulls back. 

He bites hard on his lips until Gabriel nods satisfied with how red and plump they look. Lucas almost shrieks when Gabriel bends and yanks his sweats lower until his briefs show. Lucas’ words are stuck in his throat when the closet is bathed in a dull light and because he was leaning so heavily against the door, he stumbles when the support disappears from behind him. 

He catches himself on a sturdy chest and when Lucas turns his body he is looking into stormy eyes. 

Eliott looks from Lucas to Gabriel and Lucas thinks Eliott might just attack the blonde. When Gabriel saunters out of the closet, he does so with a confidence, Lucas could only hope for. 

“7 minutes.” 

Lucas looks out at a room full of people and can only imagine the sight that he makes. He hears a jingle and looks back at Gabriel who is doing up his belt. He pats Lucas on the back with one hand as he pushes past Eliott, fingers wiping at the corner of his mouth at invisible spit. 

“Pull up your pants, babe.” 

Lucas is on fire as he struggles out of Eliotts hold, trying his best to pull the sweats to save him from any further embarrassment. 

Lucas doesn’t make eye contact with anyone. Instead he sits and lets the game continue. He doesn’t participate in the next couple of rounds and is slightly elated by the fact that the majority of the group starts to separate into little pockets of conversation forgetting that the game was even happening, until eventually, it’s over. 

Lucas decides to sit on the couch between Idriss and Sofiane who are engaged in conversation with the girls. For the next hour he feels every brush and every touch that Gabriel leaves on his arms, his neck, cheek, his shoulders. Done all in the view of Eliott who loses his smile but not the glint in his eyes. 

He doesn’t know what makes him do it but he approaches him during a particularly passionate part of the conversation that strikes up around him. He isn’t missed as Imane quickly takes his spot. 

Eliott is nursing a drink as he sits on the kitchen counter. In one corner Yann and Chloe are talking quietly. When Lucas catches his friends eyes and gives him a reassuring nod, Yann drags Chloe out leaving Eliott and Lucas to deal with each other’s company. 

Lucas mixes himself a drink, a concoction, he thinks, will put him 6 feet underground. 

“Enjoying the party?”

Eliott nods but doesn’t speak.

“I’m really glad you could make it though. I was happy to see you.” 

Lucas tries so hard to fill the silence, but he is talking to himself. When Eliott slams back his drink and puts down his glass so harshly, Lucas flinches slightly and is surprised the glass doesn’t crack. 

“What are you doing in here?” 

Lucas is taken aback by the question. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Why are you here and not out there with your boyfriend?” If Eliott hadn’t sounded so angry, Lucas might have done a little dance at the jealousy he picks up in his tone. 

“He’s not my boyfriend.” The words are out of his mouth before he can stop it. When Eliott snaps his neck to turn and look Lucas in the face, his eyes are narrowed. The vein in his neck thrums visibly. 

“So you’re just fucking him?” 

“I didn’t say that.” 

Eliott scoffs. 

“Then what the fuck is it? You can casually fuck him and not me?” 

Lucas doesn’t have words for a moment. They’re stuck in his throat oppressed by the confrontation that he is not quite sure how to handle. 

Eliott hops off the counter and stalks towards Lucas. Lucas is stuck, boxed in again, head tilted back so he can keep eye contact. He is more than slightly tipsy so he feels a constant flush. But he isn’t drunk enough to give into his desires. When Eliott leans down, Lucas turns his cheek. 

“I already told you…” His voice is quiet, his eyes dart to the side and he notes the anger written into the lines on Eliott’s face. “I want something serious.”

Eliott breathes out harshly and Lucas shivers when he feels the air touch the nook of his neck just below his chin. 

“And he is?” Eliott’s voice is rough, contained. “Serious about you?” 

Lucas knows he shouldn’t but he shrugs. “Maybe. He might want me for more than a quick fuck.” 

When Eliott slams his palm against the counter, Lucas jumps slightly. 

“I don’t…” Eliott steps back and he looks up at the fluorescent lights as if they held the answer. When he swallows roughly, Lucas’ watches his throat bob. “It’s not--” 

Lucas furrows his brows. His eyes squint at the other boy. 

“It’s not what?” 

Eliott shakes his head, runs his hand through his hair and turns to walk out of the kitchen. “Forget it. I’m out.” 

Lucas isn’t sure what jumpstarts him but Lucas downs his drink ignoring the burn in his throat as he hears his apartment door slam shut, he ignores the shouts he gets when he runs out of the kitchen, stumbling over his own feet. He doesn’t stop at Idriss’ calls, he runs past Gabriel’s concerned gaze. He ignores the heated look Lucille shoots him because he has bigger problems to be worried about. He runs out of his apartment barefoot. 

He looks left then right. And makes his way to the stairs, doubting the other boy took the elevator. Lucas is surprised he makes it down quick enough to catch Eliott before he leaves the stairwell. With his chest heaving, he is winded. He is absolutely exhausted and his vision is spinning and he is sure he is sweating because the bite of the wind on his face is chilling. 

“Wait!” His voice echoes. He stands at the top of the stairs, barefoot and maybe it is something in the way that he shouts but Eliott turns to look at him, bottom of the stairs, he doesn’t leave yet. 

“Wait. Just wait.” He repeats himself because he thinks Eliott needs to hear him again. 

“W-what…” He tries to push the words out. He’s not sure what he is saying, but Lucas knows if he lets Eliott leave now it is over. Completely. And he can’t have that. Lucas wants so badly to fight for whatever silly relationship they might have, they could have. 

“What are you _so_ afraid of?” 

Eliott looks back up at him and he seems so broken that Lucas wants to just gather the boy up in his arms. He wants to cradle and whisper love into his hair. But anger pulses inside him and he can’t bring himself to care if he hurts with his words.

“Go back upstairs Lucas…” His soft voice carries all the way and Lucas finds himself conflicted. He has the booze to thank for that because he doesn’t stop himself. His hands dance in the air punctuating his words, pointing at nothing and everything. 

“No, _no!_ ” He shouts. “What are you so scared of? You can’t just come and try to kiss me at any chance,---fuck!--- any _chance_ you get” his voice cracks because he is shouting so loudly he thinks everyone in the apartment complex can hear him.

“Go _back,_ Lucas!” Eliott sounds desperate. He turns fully to look at Lucas from the bottom of the stairs. Only 15 steps between them and it feels like Lucas can’t reach him. 

“Y-you can’t just get rid of me. Making me think you want me, stalking me at w-work. And _then_ getting angry when someone else is _interested_ in me!” Lucas doesn’t want to stop but quickly as he starts Eliott is taking the steps by twos and threes and his hands are cupping Lucas face and they’re kissing. Lucas wants to be absorbed by him but his sense of self preservation is kicking and screaming in the back of his head, loud enough for him to pull away brows still furrowed in anger. 

“This is exactly what I am---”

Eliott cuts him off again. The taller boy deepens the kiss. His fingers run burning paths down his cheeks, gripping at his chin, caressing his throat. 

When he pulls back and leaves a trail of heated nips and kisses on his neck, Lucas whines and tilts his head. Lucas tries again through the pleasure, weakly pushing at the other until Eliott gets the hint and stops. He rests his forehead on Lucas' and their breath mingles as both breathe harshly. 

"Stop making me think you want me." Lucas pleads. 

"I do want you." Lucas thinks he hears him wrong. "I do. I've wanted…” 

Eliott takes a step back so he's no longer sharing the same air. His knuckles caress Lucas' cheeks so gently, treating him like glass. Like he is going to break simply from hearing his words. 

Eliott sighs. “You make me feel so comfortable it scares me.” 

When Eliott speaks again, Lucas closes his eyes to the softness. He speaks of wasting days together, of wanting to walk him home, or better yet have him spend the night just so they can sleep next to each other. Eliott has wanted to fill their dreams with whispered conversations since the first night they met. He wants to paint the rainbow with their hands and their words he wants to draw Lucas love notes and show him how he has colored his life with his mere smile. 

Lucas nods. He nods again and again to the words spoken in hushed tones. “Then give us a chance.” Lucas all but whines. 

Eliott is desperate though, Lucas can tell. There’s something he isn’t saying. 

“I’m fucking messed in the head Lucas, it’s not that simple.” Eliott shakes his head sharply and he steps back, leaving inches between them. “And I can’t control it. There will be days when I’ll be angry for no reason.” Days when he will yell, blame Lucas for everything. Days when he won’t get out of bed. Days when he will feel like he is on top of the world. Where he will be invincible. 

“I don’t want you to have to deal with that, Lucille...she couldn’t handle that.” Eliott looks scared, and Lucas feels that odd anger surge back to the surface. 

“I’m not Lucille.” He mutters.

“What?”

“I’m _not_ Lucille. I’m not her, I’m different and I don’t give a fuck how she handled it. I’vea boat load of problems. There will be days when I shut you out, yell at you. Be angry for no reason. I’m not trying to change you or myself.” Lucas steps closer to the other boy. “I’m not asking for a perfect life with you, I just...I just want us to take this day by day, minute by minute.”

“Yeah?” 

Lucas nods. “Yeah.” Because that is what he wants. He wants everything. The good, the bad. He wants all the ups and downs. Lucas wants the fights and the hugs and the make-up sex. But he wants more than anything, for Eliott to prove that he wants the same thing. 

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“ _Okay._ ” Eliott chuckles. He leans in, his smile growing a mile a minute. But Lucas stops him with his hands on his mouth. Lucas shakes his head. 

“No. You have to show me you’re serious.” Lucas clicks his tongue as Eliott wiggles his eyebrows. “You’ve got work to do buddy.” When he feels a wet tongue swipe across his palm Lucas pulls back with a yell. 

He wipes his hand on his sweats. “Gross!” Eliott throws his head back and laughs and Lucas feels something shifted between them. 

He stands on his tiptoes and lays a kiss on Eliott’s lips. It’s a soft touch of lips, not lasting for more than 5 seconds but he feels it’s the best one he’s received so far.

Lucas turns and heads back up the stairs. 

“Lucas.” Lucas faces Eliott before he turns the corner. “Can I see you tomorrow?” 

Lucas doesn’t know what it’s like to float on air. He isn’t quite sure but he thinks, this might be it. He loses his center of gravity and if he wasn’t holding onto the railing so tightly he might’ve floated away. He gave a sharp nod and Eliott smiles. He turns but is called back again. 

“Lucas,” Eliott calls.

“Eliott go home…” Lucas laughs at the other boy. 

“Goodnight.” 

Lucas blushes because such a simple word sounds so intimate. He nods. 

“...goodnight.” This time Lucas waits until he sees the door close behind Eliott. When he walks up the stairs he takes them one by one. He feels like his planets align, that his stars shine brighter than they ever have before, and his steps are soft and slow.


	9. How your beauty chills me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He makes a move to walk towards the bus when a hand stops him. Lucas feels a flush creeping up his neck towards his cheeks as his eyes land on their point of contact. His wrist feeling far to thin in Eliott’s grip. But the warmth from his palm travels quickly through Lucas. His blue eyes move slowly, up, up, and up, until he gets caught in Eliott’s gaze like it was a thin well-spun spider web. And Lucas his prey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> D-did I seriously just FUCKING update this bitch. I DID. I'm SORRY. Nothing happens in this chapter. Nothingggg. I'm so mad at it.

Lucas doesn’t know what to expect when he opens that door because he had ran out rather quickly. But whatever he is faced with couldn’t possibly bring him down from his high. When the door creaks closed, he is bombarded from every direction. 

“Shit, Lucas! Are you okay?”

“Where’s Eliott?”

“Do I need to kill anyone?” 

Lucas laughs at the last one. Through the crowd of his friend he sees Gabriel make his way to the front, arms crossed loosely at his waist, eyebrows cocked in question. They spoke silently for a second, before Lucas breaks out into a little smile and gives the barest of nods. 

When Manon approaches him, a grin on her face, he slaps at her. “Shut up.”

“Wait, was that look supposed to mean what I think it means?” 

Lucas knows his cheeks are red, he can’t stop smiling and he feels his friends dire need to find out what happens pulsate in the room. Gabriel steps forward and ruffles his hair gently.

“Don’t _scare_ us like that, little man.” Lucas smiles at Idriss and Sofiane, biting at his lower lip when he catches the light in their eyes that translate to _‘I’m happy for you’_ and _‘glad he finally pulled his head out of his ass’_. They both make their way back into the kitchen. Idriss lighting up a joint as he walks and Sofiane shakes his head as he types away a message on his phone. 

Basile slaps him on the back. “You can’t leave us hanging like that.” 

Lucas feels embarrassed for a second before he shrugs. “He said he’ll give it a shot.” He bites at his lower lip because he can’t possibly smile again, his cheeks were beginning to ache. “He said he’d show me that he means it.” Lucas shuts his eyes to the loud cheers made louder by the small confines of his hallway. 

He couldn’t ask for a better group of friends. Arthur grabs Basile by the arm and drags him away, eyes closed from the force of his smile. 

“Our boy is finally growing up Bas!” He pulls the curly haired brunette backing to the living room, shouting joy for the neighbors to hear. 

Lucas rolls his eyes at them. When he looks back at the thinning crowd Lucas feels his smile drop from his face and he is drained of his comfort. Lucille stands in front of him wiping harshly at her tears. 

“Lucas you can’t be serious?…” It’s Daphne that whispers this harshly at him while she steps closer to her friend, her brows bent with worry, hand outstretched but her eyes are locked on Lucas. She doesn't manage to touch her before Lucille steps away, her movements fast and harsh. Lucas sees the way her arms cut the air and her fingers slapping away the only support she would possibly receive.

“Daphne I-I…” Lucas states. He swallows thickly at the blonde girl who somehow looks betrayed. 

“You know he’s playing you right? The same way he plays Lucille here? Except the fact that when he’s done with you, he’s going back to _her._ ” 

Lucas wants to tell Daphne to stop. But somehow he has none of the will-power to do so.

"It's not going to work.” Lucille’s voice quivered betraying her false bravado. “For you and Eliott I mean. What? Did he promise you forever? Nights tangled up together? Did he tell you how much he wants to be with you and only you?”

“Lucille.” Daphne calls out to the other girl, but her call falls on deaf ears.

“No, no. If I don’t tell him, he’ll just waste his fucking days pining after someone who doesn’t know how to even love. I spent 5 years trying to believe in his words, following and chasing. It doesn’t _lead_ anywhere. He doesn’t keep his promises!” Her words are colored harsh by the heaving of her chest. She doesn’t scream and instead she clenches her teeth and her voice is muffled, accented by the hiccups that she can’t suppress. “You’ll work so damn hard for a half ass promise at love only to realize you’re the only one giving everything…” 

“It’s a good thing I didn’t ask him for any promises.”

“What?” Lucille's mouth drops open slightly and Lucas watches as her throat constricts as she swallows back her sorrow.

Lucas flicker’s his eyes up, down, and all over her face and he realizes he can’t empathize with her. He can’t bring himself to understand and relate and to connect with the mess she has found herself in. He is unwilling to crawl into the hole _with_ her. He wants to. But he won’t. Because Lucas is latching onto this newly found selfishness where he plans to put himself first. 

He shakes his head, feels his lids slam shut as he breathes and when he opens them up again his eyes lock on to the slight trembling of her frame. He shrugs. “I didn’t ask him to promise me anything so it looks like we’re good to go.” And he feels an anger touch at him. A slight thrum that tickles his fingers, different from what he normally feels. Maybe, when he has been given time, when days, weeks or maybe months Lucas sees him sitting with Lucille enjoying a coffee, talking. Weaving new memories. When the pain and past has dulled to the point that they can be rational. 

But not now.

Lucas wants to defend. His mouth wants to open and his throat wishes to spit words out at her, demanding she take it all back. 

“You’re just a naive little boy who thinks it’s going to work out in your favor.” She spits the words, stepping closer to him, heels clicking on the floor. When she pushes past him he doesn’t stop her. He lets her slam that door on her way out. Daphne looks at Lucas like she doesn’t know him, shakes her head and follows Lucille out. 

He might be naive but it’s bitterness that colors her hateful. He doesn’t take her words to heart. 

“Oh my god, the drama on that one. And don’t worry about Daphne, Kitten. She’ll come to her senses.”

Lucas can only hope. He does his best to shake the feeling that he’s done something wrong. 

Mika’s exclamation moves everyone, bodies turn and slowly disperse. Lucas watches as his older friend turns towards Gabriel, a finger placed gently on the white tee. “So ex-girlfriend is out off the picture, Lucas is taken. Where does that leave _you_?” 

Gabriel lifts a brow and turns to look at Lucas. 

He can’t help but smile and walk away from the both of them, leaving them to their flirting. He has at least two more bottles of vodka in the freezer with his name on it that needs to be finished before the night can be considered over. When he makes it to the kitchen, he feels an arm settle on his shoulders and sees Yann. 

“I knew it’d work out Lulu.” Yann takes a swig of his beer, throat bobbing as he swallows. “Oh, and Sofiane was just asking for you, told him I’d send you his way when I saw you.”  
“What for?”

Yann shrugs before letting him go. Lucas pours himself a nice tall glass of straight vodka and drinks down half of it. The taste is different and he feels far lighter this time around. Likee he wasn’t drinking down liquid sadness. He likes this better. 

It doesn’t take long for him to find Sofiane tucked away in a corner talking softly with Imane who was clinging to his every word with the utmost casualness that Lucas knew, didn’t come easy. He takes a couple steps closer until Sofiane turns to look at him, smile widening a bit. 

“Lucas, hey. Yann send you?”

Lucas nods his head. 

“Yeah, said you wanted to speak with me about something.” Sofiane nods his head and looks at Imane who smiles knowingly. She excuses herself and passes by Lucas, making sure to hug him and drop a kiss on his cheeks before disappearing. 

“Can we talk in your room?” 

Lucas leads the way and behind closed doors Lucas sits on his bed, back flushed against the wall and pillow in his lap.

“Can I get your phone?” Lucas shoots him a questioning look but grabs his phone and unlocks it before handing it to the other. A slight panic settles in his stomach but he beats it down and waits patiently for Sofiane to finish. The questions are on the tip of his tongue. 

_What are you doing?_

_Why do you need my phone?_

_Am I going to regret this?_

“There. All done.” He handed the phone back to Lucas. When he looks at he can see an unfamiliar number staring back at him. Saved as **Lover Boy.**

He looks back up at Sofiane’s smiling face. The older boy chuckles for a second, and Lucas is sure it’s because of the dumbfounded look that has wiggled its way onto his face. Sofiane plays with a loose thread on his comforter. Kind hands that kept busy, impossibly soft fingers proportionate to his stature. Lucas picks out the three little scars, raised skin and white in contrast to the olive tone that colors him. 

His mind wanders and makes up a story for those marks as Sofiane struggles to find the words he needs to speak. 

“Eliott needs this. He needs to move on and I think you’ll be so good for him.” Lucas beams internally. 

“He needs a little nudge and usually after he finds something or someone that he gets attached to, he falls into his thought spirals.” Sofiane looks up and Lucas is thrown off by the intensity of his eyes. “He told you he wanted to do this properly right?”

Lucas nods. “He said he wanted to see me tomorrow.” He admits in a small voice. 

“Good. Keep him to his words. Don’t be surprised if you don’t hear from him though, or if he decides last minute to back out.” 

Lucas is quiet at first. Thinking about his decision to pursue Eliott and practically forcing Eliott to admit he wanted something with Lucas just as much. 

“I won’t wait forever for him, Sofiane.” 

There is a shake of curly hair. 

“That’s not what I’m telling you to do. I gave his number to you for a reason. And you know where he lives.” Sofiane smiles at Lucas. “He’s a good guy, Lucas. You might be the one running to him first, for now. But when he realizes you’re here to stay, I promise you, you won’t find any kind of happiness quite like the one he has to offer.” 

He hears the undercurrent of what Sofiane is trying to say. It’ll be hard at first. He just needs to stick with it. Lucas lets his worry bleed out of his shoulders and he looks up at Sofiane through his lashes. 

“Thanks.” He feels Sofiane shift on the bed, the serious of the conversation already dissipating. 

“God you’re adorable. Eliott is one lucky boy.” At the compliment Lucas feels heat creep up his neck and hopes to all hell Sofiane doesn’t notice. He swats at Sofiane when the other boy laughs at the sight. “He is in for a serious ride when he gets his shit together.” 

With that Sofiane salutes Lucas and makes his way of the room leaving him to contemplate his next move. . 

 

\-----

Three hours later he is still devastating himself over the decision. Idriss and Sofiane, along with Alex had long since left. Lucas watched them leave through clouded eyes wondering how the three of them, who drank just as much as him (no definitely more), could look so sober. 

Mika eagerly said his goodbyes an hour earlier but only barely remembering to do so with Gabriel tugging at him by his shirt, trying and successfully getting him out the door. Everyone else finds their respectful beds. He has Emma and Manon curled up on his queen spooning to his left, the girls falling asleep after their heated argument of what to do with Daphne in the morning. Emma has half a mind to shun her. Manon can't find a valid argument not to but she doesn't quite agree to dropping one of their best friends over a mistake and some misspoken words. . Imane left earlier in the night and Chloe and Alexia decided the couch would be their bed. 

Lucas can hear the soft snores, light smacking of lips and the occasional shuffle of bodies all around him. He lies on his side wrapped up tightly in his blankets. Lucas is careful not to wake the others while scrolling through his phone. He is still at his crossroad. 

To message or not to message. Lucas lets out a puff of air, his hair moves slightly at the move. If he didn’t have his friends sleeping beside him, Lucas would have been screaming in frustration and rolling around in his bed, tossing and turning with his indecision. 

He almost wants to hate Sofiane for getting him in this predicament. He thinks, despite everything that happened after he came back, the night was a successful one. It’s 2am and perhaps its the lack of sleep or the sheer amount of alcohol still in his system but Lucas lifts his blankets off his chest and lies down on his stomach. He still has his shirt on from earlier in the night and contemplates taking it off. 

He does. He tests out his camera and flash and no one stirs at the bright light. Lucas turns back on his side and props himself up. He can’t see himself on his screen until he’s taken the picture. The first one is awful. 

He hits delete. The second is decent. His hair is a mess, his blue eyes too wide with what looks like shock. Lucas does this again and again until he is satisfied with himself. 

Hair messy, eyes hooded, mouth hanging slightly open and chest blushed from the thought of sending the picture to Eliott. He hits send before he can talk himself out of it.

> **Lucas**  
>  _Hope it’s okay I got your number from Sofiane...you should save this as my contact pic._  
> 

Breathing out a sigh at finally having sent the text, Lucas turns his phone off and rolls over. He tries to get some sleep not hoping too hard that he might wake up to a text from Eliott.

_____

 

Lucas pulls up a chair and plops down. His feet ache from the morning rush. Three hours of non-stop movement and filling coffee orders or handling the occasional unsavory customer. He smiles over at Gabriel who stands, stress written into the lines of his shoulders, a frown marring his face. Watching Gabriel keep his cool with a particularly nasty customer is the most interesting thing that could possibly occur on a Sunday morning. 

 

“Ma’am, you’re in a coffee shop. I’m _sorry_ that you didn’t realize that espresso was caffeinated.It is listed under coffee on our menu.”

Lucas has had his fair share with dealing with this particular woman on more than one occasion and it’s always been the same thing. Perhaps giving her a refund the last two times was enough to set Gabriel off but his blonde boss refused to back down and took over the situation the moment he saw her approach the counter. An action Lucas was forever thankful for. 

He can’t handle shit like this. So naturally, Lucas grabs a croissant from the display case and sits down watching it play out like his favorite show. 

“Well you should have information like that posted in the store. Not everyone will know what espresso is.”

Lucas lifts a brow at her audacity. He watches Gabriel pick up the sign that was clearly in her line of vision and pushes it closer to her.

> _We don’t serve anything caffeine-free. May we direct you to the sham of a coffee shop down the street that does? Or would you like some water? We have that._

She rolls her eyes and tucks a strand of cropped blonde hair behind her ears. “I want to speak with the manager.”

Lucas chokes on his croissant. If she could read, she’d see that Gabriel’s nametag clearly states ‘The BO$$’. A gag gift from Simon, given half a year ago for his birthday. 

Lucas can see the tick in Gabriel’s eyes move a mile a minute. “I am the manager.”

“I want to speak to your boss then.” Gabriel smiles at her and asks politely for her to wait. She huffs and demands for him to hurry up. Lucas hears the bell chime and looks up to see Daphne walk through the door, her usual bright face was lacking it’s glow. He stands and makes his way to the counter, ignoring the particularly angry look thrown his way. 

“Hey, Daph. Fancy seeing you here.” Their conversation before she left Friday, echoes in his head. 

“Hey Lucas, are you busy?” She sounds unsure as her eyes bounce from the angry lady to Lucas. 

“No, I’m free. What’s up?” He feels the pointed look sent his way and hears the muttered _‘what kind of business is this place running’._

“How ‘bout a coffee and maybe we can sit and talk?” Lucas nods. He pours two black drip coffees and gestures to Daphne to join him where he was sitting. 

“What’s up with that lady?” Daphne whispers. Eyes darting from the customer to Lucas. He quickly fills her in just as Gabriel steps back out from the back carrying with him what looked like a rolled up document. 

“What took you so long? What kind of business are you trying to run here, making a customer wait like that. I’m half a mind to get you to call the owner in. This will simply not do.” Her voice raises in volume as she continues to spew nonsense at Gabriel.

Lucas and Daphne can tell it takes everything in the taller blonde not to roll his eyes. 

“Very sorry to inconvenience you like that. I promise you though it was to grab this here.” He holds the sheet of paper up for her to read. 

“This is my leasing agreement. I’m the owner of this coffee shop.” He watches her splutter. “Now that that’s squared away. Kindly get the fuck out. We don’t need your business here.” 

Lucas snorts into his own hand but quickly straightens himself when Gabriel turns to look at him, anger still sketched on his face. 

“Oh, he is so hot when he gets mad like that.” Daphne gnaws away at her lips, eyes glued to the taller blonde. 

“Keep living that fantasy I see playing out in your head Daphne. Mika’s already laid claim.” 

“Shame. The two of you looked super hot together.” Lucas blushes at the memory of Friday. She wasn’t wrong. They did make a pretty hot team, and Lucas would be stupid to not see that. He is, however, very content with keeping Gabriel as a friend. 

“About Friday…” Daphne trails off and Lucas already wants to stop her before she begins. But he chooses to say nothing and lets her get out what she needs to get out. His eyes follow the lines she etches into the side of her mug. Her nails make a small clinking sound against ceramic. 

Her skin is pale around the knuckles and there is a beautiful glow to her skin that can attest to a rigorous skin care routine that would make anyone who paid enough attention jealous. Lucas was jealous. He wants to know what lotion she uses but doesn’t dare ask. 

He can imagine Daphne’s response would be filled with stories of her trips to the spa and manicurist. It would explain the perfectly shaped and painted nails, her trimmed cuticles and the impossibly smooth skin. 

“I know it’s not my business but are you and Eliott official?” 

Lucas wasn’t expecting the question and he has to bite the urge to answer her question with a question. 

Lucas shrugs his shoulders. He thinks so but he also hasn’t heard anything from the other boy since the night of the party. He received no response to the risque photo he took. If had to be honest with himself, that hurt just a little. 

But Lucas doesn’t play that honesty game. 

“I’d like to think that we are working it out and aiming for official.” He says this with a small smile and Daphne nods her head. 

“I feel like I should apologize for Lucille and myself. We had no right to go at you like that and it’s partially my fault…” 

Lucas frowns at her. 

“What do you mean?” 

“It’s stupid Lucas. I think in my haste of trying to get her to calm down and come to the party I told her that Eliott’s done this before, because he has. I told her that whatever you and him had it...it might blow over soon and he’d come running back to her.” 

Lucas does his best to school his face. He knows Daphne meant nothing by her comments but it fucking hurts. 

“But no! No don’t listen to me.” She must see something on his face because she’s quick to reassure him. “I want you to be happy too Lucas. What I said to her...it wasn’t fair to her because we both knew that she wouldn’t be happy in the end. Even if what I said was true. They don’t belong together.” 

Daphne calms herself and her eyes grow glassy. “I’ve known Lucille for a long time, Lulu. You need to understand that. I want her to be happy and she’s been clinging onto this idea of Eliott for so long now, it’s getting painful to watch.”  
  
Lucas watches as her fingers move up to catch a tear before it falls. She sniffles and he can see how silly she is feeling at her self-deprecating chuckle. 

“But I wasn’t being fair to you and I didn’t want you to feel like I don’t support you. I do. And if you ever need to talk to someone regarding your relationship with Eliott, I’m like...a fucking guru at it by now.” 

“Daphne...why are you telling me this?”

“Because I’m your friend. And I want you to be happy and instead of supporting you and trying to make it work for you I kept trying to keep you away from Eliott. Because I felt like I could have done more. I shouldn’t have said what I did on Friday.” 

Lucas shakes his head and tells her not to worry about it. It seemed she was stuck between a hard place and a rock. He offers the crying blond the rest of his croissant and she accepts with a watery smile. He wonders if he should tell her that he hasn’t heard from Eliott since the party. Wonders if he should drop by his apartment but something keeps his mouth shut. 

“Has he reached out?” 

He curses her ability to simply read his silence. Lucas shrugs again. 

“Not really.”

“If you’ve already reached out once. Wait for him to come to you. He’ll get out of his rut soon. I’m almost positive of that.” Lucas is about to respond when Gabriel tells him his break is over. Lucas looks apologetically at Daphne but excuses himself. 

On her way out, Daphne stops by the counter and hugs Lucas. He forgives her for her words and accepts her apology. Hugging back just as hard. 

Near the end of the day, Gabriel asks if he doesn’t mind closing. 

Lucas hates closing shop because it is such a process but knows that he owes his boss big time, so he acquiesced. Lucas does inventory, closes the blinds. 

He sweeps and mops and stacks mugs where they belong. Fills the cream and milk and makes sure that the fridge is stocked for the next day’s morning shift. Lucas throws himself into the process of cleaning and loses himself to his musings. HIs body aches and builds up a sheen of sweat as he works. When the bell rings, signaling the door, Lucas is quick to turn around, cursing the fact that he forgot to lock it at closing time. 

“Sorry, we’re clos--”

His words lodge them in his throat at the sight of Eliott standing at the entrance. His hair is wild, unkempt and windblown. From one ear his earbuds dangle while his hands lay rest in his hoodie pocket. 

Those grey blue eyes stare intently at him and the usual smile is missing. He seems unsure of himself. 

“He lives.” Lucas relishes in the slight wince from Eliott. 

“Would you…” Eliott scans the recently mopped floor. “Would you believe me if I told you I was planning the best date for you this entire time and got lost in planning that I forgot to contact you?” 

Lucas lifts a brow. No, he wouldn’t believe that. He’s not upset. A little sad more so than anything. Seeing the other now, however, makes his day a little better. 

“Really now?” Eliott smiles at him and nods. He takes a step forward, his sneakers squeaking on the wet floor. Lucas reaction is instantaneous as he shoos the other away to a corner of the shop. 

“I will not have your tracking dirt everywhere. I just cleaned. Whatever date you planned is going to have to wait. I need to close up shop.” Eliott bits at his lower lip, hiding his smile as he sits patiently. A favorite past time of his if Lucas was correct. He does it quite a bit. Lucas continues to work in silence completely ignoring the other. And maybe Lucas slows down. Takes his time and takes small satisfaction in making Eliott wait. 

When he’s done, 10 minutes later, he shuts off the lights and motions for Eliott to step outside. He locks up and tests the door three times before he is satisfied. He looks up and finds Eliott smiling down at him. 

Lucas makes a face at him and Eliott laughs. The sound echoes in the empty streets. 

He makes a move to walk towards the bus when a hand stops him. Lucas feels a flush creeping up his neck towards his cheeks as his eyes land on their point of contact. His wrist feeling far to thin in Eliott’s grip. But the warmth from his palm travels quickly through Lucas. His blue eyes move slowly, up, up, and up, until he gets caught in Eliott’s gaze like it was a thin well-spun spider web. And Lucas his prey. 

“Come over?” It’s not a question but more of a request. “We’ll walk. It’s nice out.” Lucas’ feet hurt from standing all day but he doesn’t have it in him to say no. He doesn’t quite say yes. 

He leans back, his weight pulling him away but he feels Eliott’s fingers tightened around him. He pretends to think, eyes wandering up looking at the street lamps that stain them yellow in its artificial glow. Beyond into the blue black sky, the stars twinkle. 

“I don’t know.” Lucas quirks his mouth to the side. “I’m kind of tired….”

“I have a bed.”

“And my feet hurt from standing all day.” Eliott pulls him closer, turning Lucas around so his back is pressed firmly against the sturdy chest. Lucas looks down at the arms that cross over his chest. Eliott starts walking, his long legs and hips pushing Lucas and forcing him to move forward. 

“I’ll run you a bath…” Eliott’s voice tickles his ears and he shivers from the contact. “And I’ll rub your feet.”

“And it’s late and I’m cold and I’m hungry and there’s food waiting for me at my apartment.” 

“I have blankets. A mountain of blankets.” Eliott lowers his voice so Lucas has to strain to hear the other. “We could order out, anything you want and we’ll eat in bed.” 

“ _Anything_ I want?”

“Yes. But personally I’m feeling the want for some greasy Chinese food.” 

“Hm.” Lucas likes the sound of that. “Before or after the bath?” 

“After.”

Lucas nods. “Okay...but Eliott.” He stops walking. Turns in Eliott’s hold and faces him head on. “You can’t just disappear and show up when you want. Even if this…” he holds Eliott's head in his hands, “is going a mile a minute.” Talk to me. 

He waits for a response, acknowledgement of some sort. He feels him breathe in deep. 

“You sent that picture and I just...I didn’t know what to do.” 

Lucas’ brow takes a dive. 

“Did… you not like it? Should I not have?” Fuck. Shame and panic collide in his chest and he steps away from Eliott, his eyes seeking ground like it suddenly disappeared. 

“No! No, Lucas it was more than great. You were beautiful and so fucking gorgeous.” Eliott quickly assures him, hands coming back to grab at his shoulders to pull him back in, like a much needed breath. 

“It was me. I didn’t know what to do with everything I was feeling. Like an idiot. You made me feel so much, with a simple picture. And I realized...I am so gone for you that it scared me.” 

So he hid. Didn’t leave his bed. Didn’t respond to the text, played out what his response should’ve been over and over again in his head. Planned out his next move and worked up the courage to actually do something. 

“I realized I was hiding again. But you didn’t know it was okay to come find me. So here I am.” Lucas’ eyes flicker over Eliott’s face. Over the arch of his nose. The hollows of his cheeks. The depth of his eyes. The jut of his chin. 

Lucas can come find him whenever he wants. Permission granted. He’d come find him whenever and nothing was going to stop him. 

“You think I’m beautiful?”

Eliott throws his head back and laughs. Like he’s calling out to all that can hear, trying to tell them how much his baby makes him feel. The happiness pulses between them.

“Like you don’t know.” No. He doesn't. But Lucas doesn't push it and he smiles up at Eliott before turning back around. He waits until Eliott walks in stride with him. Eliott reaches down the length of Lucas' arm until their fingers touch. The taller boy laces their fingers until their palms forma perfectly weaved basket. 

Lucas looks up at him, breath catching at the smile that he's greeted with. 

"I want to hold your hands. Is that okay?" Lucas doesn't respond but he squeezes back tightly. 

They continue the slow walk to Eliott’s place, words and letters, soft voice dancing in the air around them. Lucas takes his shoes off and shrugs his jacket. He keeps on his scarf because he still feels chilled. Eliott links their fingers and pulls him to the living room. The room is dampened by a darkness that allows Lucas to see the silhouettes of furniture and what looked to be a lump in the middle of the room. 

Eliott let’s go of his hands and walks towards the center of the room. He fumbles with something on the floor and suddenly the room is bathed in a soft yellow glow. Lucas sees a dilapidated pillow fort in the middle of the floor covered in fairy lights. Sheets held up by overturned furniture. 

Lucas turns to look at Eliott and he can’t help but eat up the wide smile. Eliott stands tall, his shadow casting at an impossible height as he stalks towards Lucas. 

Fingers ghost across the skin of his cheeks and bury itself into his hair and it takes everything for Lucas not to crash his body into Eliott’s. 

“How about I run that bath and we can order some food.” Eliott leans down and peppers Lucas’ face with small feathery kisses, fleeting. Lucas let’s out a gasp, his eyes closing at the softness of it all. Eliott starts to pull his hands away and Lucas grabs at him, dropping open mouth kisses on his palms and fingers. 

“Make sure you grab the blankets.” He stands on his toes and brings their lips together. When he pulls away Lucas feels pleased at the glazed look on Eliott’s face. Lucas takes a step back. He unravels the scarf from his neck, keeping eye contact. 

He takes off his shirt and breaks his gaze for only a second. He makes a show of slowly unbuttoning his pants, bending to peel them off his legs before kicking them off and to the side. He knows his chest is blushing but Lucas feels confident. 

He feels beautiful. He runs his hands through his hair before turning. He drops his briefs and shivers in the night air. Lucas looks over his shoulders at Eliott. 

“You coming?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was a bitch to write. Yes. A bitch. So I'm sorry for the wait. I really hope you enjoyed. One more chapter to go. And no you will not wait forever and a half for this fucker to come out this time. Because I love you guys and you all deserve the WORLD. Maybe...I deserve a comment? leave one? Two maybe?. Tell me how you liked? Disliked? Point out my grammar mistakes. THERE's ALLLLLOT. 
> 
> Is there a fic I've got going that you want to see updated first after this??? TALK. to. ME.


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